Thanks also to my administrative assistant Anita Hall for her technical assistance, and to Betsey Newenhuyse at Northfield Publishing for her keen editorial skills.
For the past fifteen years, I have been speaking on military bases and listening to the stories of husbands and wives as they shared the stresses of daily military life. Many of them have given permission to use their stories in this edition. Of course, we have changed their names for the sake of privacy. I am sincerely grateful to each of these unnamed heroes, who have helped others by openly sharing their own experiences. Special thanks to Army wife Brenda Marlin for offering a host of ideas for our Decoding Deployments sections, to Chaplain (Lt. Col.) Tom Cox for his valuable insights into the reintegration process, and to Paula and Lt. Gen. (Ret.) R. L. “Van” VanAntwerp for sharing wisdom gleaned from nearly four decades in the Army.
The 5 Love Languages Military Edition was informed by dozens of conversations, both recent and from years past, with members and spouses from all branches and ranks of the military. Thank you for your investment in military marriages through your contributions to this volume, and thank you for your service to our country.
Thank you for purchasing The 5 Love Languages? Military Edition. As a military couple, you will gain more benefit from this book by reading it together. This can be challenging if you are physically separated due to deployment. If such is the case, we want to make the eBook version of this title available to your spouse at no cost. Please direct your spouse to this website for instructions on how to download the eBook: 5LoveLanguagesMilitaryOffer.com.
This limited-time offer is subject to change without notice
Introduction
I have been a marriage counselor for many years. I have never known of a couple who got married hoping to make each other miserable. Yet hundreds of couples have sat in my office sharing the deep pain of a fractured relationship.
Their dreams had turned to nightmares and they were ready to split. Through the process of counseling, I have seen many of those couples find renewed hope and learn the skills that create a loving, supportive marriage. One of the key elements in moving from failure to success is learning the power of love.
A number of years ago I wrote a book called The 5 Love Languages. It has sold more than eight million copies in English, and has been translated in more than forty languages around the world. Every week I receive emails saying, “Your book saved our marriage.”
The book has been distributed widely to military couples, and the response has been extremely encouraging. One young man said, “As soon as I arrived in Afghanistan, I began reading The 5 Love Languages. I had never read anything so simple, yet so profound. This book enables marriages not only to survive through deployment but even thrive and deepen during the long period of separation.”
I have led marriage enrichment seminars on numerous military bases, both in this country and abroad. Everywhere I go, those who seek to enrich military marriages have asked, “Why don’t you write a Military Edition to The 5 Love Languages dealing with the unique challenges of military marriages?” This book is an attempt to answer that request.
Although exact statistics on divorce rates in the military are unavailable due to how such statistics are tracked, many chaplains have told me that numerous military marriages are under significant stress. Many couples are truly suffering. The adjustments of early marriage are often thwarted by an untimely deployment. What happens in the heart, mind, and behavior of the husband and wife during deployment often creates emotional distance. Reentry after deployment can often be traumatic. I believe the most essential ingredient in a successful military marriage is to keep emotional love alive in the relationship. What you are about to read has the potential of helping you have the marriage you’ve always wanted.
Author and former military wife Jocelyn Green has helped guide the shape of this edition and collected many stories you will read here about military marriages. The names have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals. The branch of service and military rank of the individuals are usually unstated. The message of The 5 Love Languages applies to all military couples. If this book helps you, I hope you will share it with other military couples. I believe together we can help thousands of couples discover that a healthy marriage and a successful military career are both possible.
—GARY CHAPMAN
THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES?
What Happens to Love in a Military Marriage?