Four
Maddie stopped the golf cart beside the lake at the back of the Rocha property. She walked a fine line by being there. More memories of her and MJ than she cared to remember lingered in the water and the blowing limbs of the moss-covered trees. She wasn’t sure she could hold them at bay, or the tears they would inevitably bring with them.
She picked up a long stick and rounded the lake, batting the tall grass in front of her as she went. Startling unseen things—turtles and frogs—with each footfall, they splashed into the lake making the water ripple and sparkle in the morning sunlight. Mixed with the heady scent of dry grass and wildflowers, it was almost too much for her to take.
She ached to be young again, swimming in the lake and playing truth or dare with her best friend in the world. How much longer could she keep his grandfather’s secret? Keeping it for MJ’s own good was tearing her apart.
“Don’t crush it!” she yelled at MJ, and tried to save the lightning bug in his cupped hands.
MJ twisted away from her. “Todd Calabreeze said if you squash it and rub its stuff all over your hands, they glow.”
“Don’t you dare.” Maddie wondered why nine-year-old boys had to be so dumb. And gross. “I’ll tell my dad if you do and he won’t be happy.”
If there was one person MJ would listen to, Maddie knew it was her dad.
“Fine.” MJ opened his hands and shook them. The bug blinked a few times and flew into the air. “Happy?”
He stomped off and stood at the edge of the lake. Maddie followed. She hated it when he was mad at her. They didn’t have much time together, and the weeks he was home on breaks she didn’t want to spend fighting.
She plucked a cattail from the bank and whacked him in the head with it.
“What the heck, Mads?” He pulled a cattail of his own out of the ground and batted her back. She ducked and it hit her shoulder.
They were both laughing now and sword fighting with their cattails, chasing each other along the bank of the lake. Maddie hit a patch of mud and slid. Shrieking, she reached back and grabbed MJ’s arm. Both of them toppled into the lake.
The memory made Maddie laugh. They’d walked home in the dark, wet and covered in mud. “You should’ve let me squash the lightning bug,” MJ had said.
Walking through the side yard of the original Rocha Estate, a small stone cottage from the eighteen hundreds that now served as a guest house, Maddie reached the tree line behind the lake and easily found the trail that headed toward the Rocha family cemetery. There had once been a split-rail fence at the entrance through the trees, but all that remained of it was rotted wooden posts. Over the years, the path had been marked by a stepping-stone in the shape of a cross.
Dead leaves crunched and twigs snapped under her feet. She knew it wasn’t far. Just over a small hill. She trudged forward, up the incline and stopped at the top.
There it was, directly to the right of the ancient, crumbling Rocha mausoleum. The square, pink marble grave marker with the angel statue on top. The angel that haunted MJ, just as Maddie’s angel pendant haunted her. Who knew angels could bring such demons into the lives of two little kids?
Nothing’s forever. Sometimes not even death.
Maddie jogged down the slope and stopped in front of the stone that read Gina Renee Montgomery, Beloved Daughter.
She traced her fingers across the letters. MJ never questioned why his mother was buried back here, but to her it had always been strange since no one in the Rocha family had been buried in the cemetery for a hundred years.
She and MJ used to bring candy and soda here, and he would leave some on her grave. Maddie bet if she looked around hard enough, she’d find soda cans buried in the dirt, tall grass and leaves. Dr Pepper was always his favorite.
They were so young and naive. Maddie never expected the lengths she learned Enzo went to in the name of keeping up appearances. That’s what he was doing. It had nothing to do with caring for any member of his family. He was a man obsessed with wealth and power, and wealth and power came from manipulating people. He couldn’t manipulate people who didn’t fear or respect him.
She glanced up at the sky between the tree branches. What do I do, she asked anyone up there who might have an answer. She waited for a few minutes, but an answer never came. Maybe it was one of those things you had to listen for in your heart.
Giving up, she made her way back to the lake. She slipped off her shoes, sat on the bank and stuck her feet in the cool water. Mud squished between her toes, but she didn’t care. The sensation was familiar and comforting. At least some things never changed.
She startled when a rock skipped across the water and jerked her head toward the direction it came from. MJ slid his hands into his pockets and rocked up on his toes. “I thought I might find you here.” He scratched the back of his head and turned his dark eyes out over the lake. “I need a ride to the bar to get my car.”
So, she’d been relegated to the position of taxi service in his life. She guessed that was a start toward forgiveness. She stood and brushed off her shorts, wiped the mud from her feet on the grass. “Does your grandfather know I’m here?”
He shrugged one broad shoulder. “I don’t know. Why?”
Standing there with his wavy dark hair, T-shirt that shifted with his lean muscles, and long legs in worn, faded jeans, she hated how much she wanted him. She wondered if she begged him, if he’d throw her down on the grass and take her right here beside the lake. God, how she missed the feel of his hands on her, his body and lips pressed against hers.
She clenched her fists and dug her nails into her palms. She wanted to run away from her own mind, her own thoughts and memories. There was no escaping them here, and definitely not with him standing in front of her.
“Maddie?”
She blinked a few times, making eye contact with him—here—now, in the present where he still hated her. “Sorry. I just wondered if he knew. I haven’t seen him since I’ve been back.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t talk about you.”
The sharpness of his words sliced through her chest. “No. Of course not.” She blinked a few more times hiding her devastation while putting on her shoes.
They hopped in the golf cart, and as she drove them back to the house, she noticed him running his fingers across his swollen bottom lip. Despite her efforts to not think about his lips, she wished she could kiss it. “Does it hurt?” she asked instead.
He made a noncommittal sound and shrugged. “Had worse.”
Dark stubble lined his jaw, and she knew exactly how it would feel against her cheek. Her face and chest grew warm thinking about it.
If they were any other two people, the silence would be filled with questions like: How’ve you been? How were classes last semester? Have you seen that movie that just came out?
But, they weren’t two other people and they were so far beyond small talk, they couldn’t even pretend. She might as well stick with the sore subjects then. “Where were you going to stay last night? You had a duffel bag with you.”
He contemplated his answer. His gaze dropped to his lap before he spoke. “With this girl I know.”
Her throat constricted. She inhaled a shallow breath and kept her face forward. He couldn’t know he’d just killed her.
Maddie hadn’t thought for a second that MJ had been mourning her in celibacy for the past year and a half. He was a college baseball player. Girls were probably all over him constantly. But, she hadn’t allowed herself to think about him with someone else. Now here it was—the truth—right in her face, in his own words.
Words that killed her. Twisted her into knots inside. Her heart rioted and writhed in pain, but she’d never let on. “Your girlfriend?” The question came out small and quiet. She hated how it sounded.
“You want to talk about this?” he asked in a pissed off rush of words. “Should we dig it all out and talk about our feelings, Maddie? Is that really what you want to do? Maybe you should start by finally telling me why you left.”
MJ would never understand unless she told him why she left. How his grandfather confronted her. How he’d threatened to fire her dad if she didn’t leave.
“No,” she whispered. “I don’t want to talk about it.” She slammed the golf cart to a stop behind the garage.
MJ grabbed her wrist before she could jump out. His lips were drawn tight. His brows knit. “Don’t make me say things that will hurt you.” His gaze dropped to her lips then back up. He closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. She pulled her wrist from his grasp and slid out of the cart.
“I have to get my car keys.” Maddie took the stairs up to her dad’s apartment as fast as she could. She had to get away from him and collect her thoughts, control her emotions. Inside it was dark and cool with the curtains pulled shut. She wanted to collapse onto her bed, hide under the covers and never come out. Instead, she grabbed her purse off her dresser, dug her keys out of the front pocket and headed back outside.
MJ waited on the passenger side of her car. She clicked the key fob to unlock the doors, and they both climbed in. The leather seat was scorching hot and burned the back of her legs. She jumped and practically landed in his lap.
They fumbled trying to get distance between each other, but her hair was tangled in his watchband. She’d given him the watch on his birthday two years ago. “Don’t move!” she yelled. “You’re pulling my hair out.” Her head tilted awkwardly to the side.
“Why did you jump like that?” His fingers frantically worked to free her hair.
“The seat’s too hot.” She bobbed her knees trying to keep the heat off the backs of her thighs.
He gave up and took his watch off. “Here. You can get it out easier than I can.”
She took his watch and slid back behind the wheel, immediately feeling a sense of loss from being so close to him. She unwound most of her hair then gave up and yanked the watch free. Her scalp stung for a second, but she didn’t care. This torturous moment needed to be over. “Here.” She handed the watch back to him, and he shoved it in his pocket.
Maddie wished the drive was longer than the five minutes it took them to get to the Third Base Lounge. Neither of them said one word on the way.
MJ’s car was the only one in the lot. With the top down, he was lucky it was a good neighborhood or it might not have been sitting there still. He’d never been this careless before. This reckless.
“Thanks,” he said, getting out of the car.
His door slammed closed before she muttered, “Welcome.” So, she rolled down the passenger side window and shouted, “You’re welcome!”
He stopped and looked back over his shoulder with a smirk on his face that made her heart fall into her stomach. It was the dimple she saw in his cheek that did it.
MJ pulled into the driveway right behind her. By the time she’d gotten out of her car, he was already halfway to the back door. A woman was strolling toward her with her eyes locked onto her phone while she was texting.
“Hey,” Maddie said, reaching out and grasping the woman’s shoulders. “You better watch where you’re walking. The neighbor’s Great Dane likes to wander over and leave presents in the yard sometimes. That dog’s the bane of my dad’s existence.”
The woman gazed at the grass around her, then examined the soles of each of her shoes. “I’m good. Thanks for the warning.”
The two of them stared at each other for a moment. “I’m Maddie. The house manager, Mr. Simcoe’s daughter.”
“Nice to meet you. I’m Rachael DeSalvo, Merrick Rocha’s girlfriend.”
This was MJ’s dad’s girlfriend. “Nice to meet you. Were you heading somewhere, or just wandering?”
“Wandering.”
Maddie walked with Rachael down the driveway toward the front of the house. “Don’t take this the wrong way,” Maddie said, almost unable to breathe with her disbelief building by the second. “But, why are you still here? MJ told me his dad wanted nothing to do with him.” Enzo Rocha and his son, Merrick, hated each other. Nobody ever even spoke Merrick’s name at the Rocha Estate. Maddie knew there was some lawsuit going on between the two of them over Rocha Enterprises, Merrick’s company that Enzo held some rights to or something. She wasn’t too clear on the details, and neither was MJ, as far as she knew.
Rachael let out a sharp laugh and let her head drop back. “I’ve been asking myself that question all day.” She turned toward Maddie. “I woke up yesterday morning in paradise and ended up here. Enzo Rocha asked me to come so he could tell me Merrick has a son he didn’t ever know about. I got to be the one to break the news to him.” Rachael rubbed both hands over her face. She looked exhausted.
They settled onto a white, iron bench with a scrolled back under an enormous oak tree. Irritation bubbled inside Maddie. “MJ told me his dad didn’t want anything to do with him when he found out, that he took off. Have you heard from him?”
“No,” Rachael said, but her eyes skittered around the yard, and Maddie had the feeling her answer wasn’t exactly the truth. “But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want anything to do with MJ.” She let out an exasperated groan. “I can only imagine now that he knows he has a son, he’s off to put some insane scheme into motion thinking it’s going to fix everything.”
Maddie glanced out to the high pines that hid the brick wall around the estate and the street beyond. She felt her annoyance dissipate. Maybe Merrick could find a way to fix everything, but more than anything, MJ just wanted his dad in his life. “I hope he knows all he has to do is be around for MJ now. That will fix it.”
Rachael nodded. They sat in silence for a moment, and Maddie was just about to excuse herself when Rachael spoke again.
“It’s funny,” she said, her hand running back and forth over the smooth iron bench seat between them. I haven’t lived there long, but I really miss Turtle Tear. It’s a hotel on an island in the Everglades that Merrick and I renovated a few months ago.” Rachael held her phone tight. Watching her, Maddie inferred her unspoken words—Rachael missed Merrick even more.
“I’m sure you miss it. You probably can’t wait to get back home.”
“I can’t.” Rachael leaned forward and stuck her phone in her back pocket. “Do you like living here?”
Maddie gestured behind them to the apartment where her dad lived over the enormous four-car garage. “I don’t live here anymore. I live in Michigan. I grew up here though.”
“Oh. So, you grew up with MJ?” Rachael asked. “Tell me about him.”
Maddie folded her hands in her lap and squeezed them together tight. Rachael’s penetrating gaze was impossible to avoid, and the last thing Maddie wanted to do was talk about MJ. “He went to boarding school, but he came home during the summer and on breaks. He was like a little brother to me.”
The thought almost made Maddie laugh. Then cry. He’d been her family. The one person other than her dad who she could always count on. That was before they became more. Much, much more, and it all imploded.
Rachael was still staring at her, expectantly.
“I haven’t seen him very much over the past year,” Maddie said. “But MJ’s…” She sighed. “If you take the most impossible route to anywhere and make it a thousand times more complicated, that’s the way MJ goes through life.”
Rachael laughed. “Sounds like Merrick. He’s his own biggest obstacle.”
Maddie shook her head, smiling. “Like father, like son, I guess.” She really hoped MJ and his dad would get to know each other, that they would go to baseball games like MJ always wanted to do with his dad.
A pang of regret struck her heart, realizing she wouldn’t be around to see it happen. She wouldn’t even get to hear the stories.
Maddie fingered the engagement ring under her shirt. It was better this way.
“Were you and MJ always just friends?” Rachael asked. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business. You just looked a little wistful when you talked about him.”
Maddie clutched the edge of the bench. “We were more once, but we weren’t good together.”
“Why were you bad together?” Rachael asked. The look on her face made Maddie wonder if Rachael had deliberated the good and bad about Merrick the way Maddie had—and still did—with MJ.
Maddie hadn’t told a soul the real reason she’d left MJ. It had been eating away at her for over a year. She wanted to tell someone so badly, but the words were locked deep inside.
“We just were. What we had wasn’t a get-married-and-grow-old-together kind of love. It’s the kind that burns too fast and explodes. It was too intense.” Maddie leaned back and looked up at the sky. “It was young love and not a real, adult relationship that takes into account jobs and futures and goals and the gritty, everyday things that couples face.” Maddie sighed. “It was kids’ play.”