Twenty-Two
Maddie helped Rachael gather towels, tanning lotion, and rafts. Riley rushed around closing the awnings on the pool bar while Heidi herded Holly and Sam out of the pool. “That was lightning,” she yelled to her kids. “Get out now!”
Tucking a pool noodle into a storage closet inside the cloister that surrounded the courtyard, Maddie closed the door and turned to face MJ. He had a strange, almost deranged look on his face. “Where’ve you been? Everything okay?” she asked.
He ran his hand over his face, transforming it back to normal, or normal with a hint of anxiety. “Yeah. Beck went to pick up Merrick.”
“I heard the helicopter leave and Rachael told me he was on his way back.”
MJ turned and ambled to a hammock. He fell back into it and closed his eyes, gripping the sides and she caught the flash of the diamond on his pinkie. “My ring,” she said, darting forward to retrieve it.
MJ fisted his hand. “You know what you have to do to get it back.”
“Why are you wearing it?”
“Because—”
Rachael, Heidi and the kids traipsed into the cloister, and MJ stopped talking.
“You two coming in?” Heidi asked. “You won’t want to get stuck in this storm.”
“In a minute,” Maddie said, eager to get rid of them. This was her chance to get her ring back.
“Where’s Dad?” Sam asked.
“He was taking a walk,” Heidi said, leading them out onto the path. “He’s probably at the hotel already.”
Maddie waited for them to get out of earshot. “You’re wearing it because…”
He smirked. “Because I can. It’s mine until you give me what I want.”
She pushed him, sending the hammock swinging. “Why are you doing this to me?”
MJ grabbed her hand and pulled her off her feet. She landed on the hammock half on top of him, half beside him. “I’m not doing anything to you,” he said, brushing her hair out of her face. “You’re the one who doesn’t know what she wants. I know what I want.”
He cupped her face and traced his thumb over her bottom lip sending tingles through her body. She touched the tip of his thumb with her tongue, and he pushed it farther into her mouth. Maddie closed her lips around it and closed her eyes. The small, intimate act sent her heart and body reeling.
MJ pulled his thumb from her mouth and she opened her eyes to stare into his. She never knew what she’d find in their depths. They always held a concoction of emotions and if she examined them long enough she could piece them together.
The regret was there, as it had been since she came back. And lust. The lust was easy to spot in MJ’s eyes. She thought she saw a flicker of hope, and it made guilt and sadness flare inside her chest.
There was no hope, MJ. He had to know that.
He brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. “Why can’t you tell me, Mads?”
The corners of her mouth twitched down and she couldn’t fake a smile or stop the frown from forming. A ball of emotion clogged her throat, and her nose burned with unshed tears. “It’ll hurt you even more. How can I tell you?”
“Don’t be afraid of hurting me. I’ve already hit bottom without you.” He smoothed the creases in her brow with his thumbs.
How could she even think about devastating him while lying here, watching his long, thick lashes brush the top of his cheeks when he blinked, running her fingers through the dark waves at the nape of his neck? She’d give anything for a smile right then, to see those incredible dimples, and the flash of laughter in his eyes.
But there was nothing to laugh about. There were only two parts of one very broken relationship lying in a hammock, one attempting to pick up the pieces and glue them together, and the other holding the knowledge that they could never be whole again.
Thunder echoed. The palm frond roof shook. “We should go in,” she said, bracing her hands on his shoulders to get up.
MJ pulled her back down. “Not yet.”
She held his eyes again and saw determination. She’d missed it before. “What do you want from me?” she asked.
“I want it all, Mads. I want my life back. You took it away, and I’m taking it back.” He balled her hair up behind her head and pulled her to him. His kiss wasn’t gentle. It wasn’t urgent or rough. It was possessive. Undaunted.
If she hadn’t known before, she knew now—MJ wasn’t giving her up without a fight.
She broke away from the kiss, breathless and confused. The past year and a half flashed before her eyes. She’d forced herself to move on, but why hadn’t he? “MJ, have you been with anyone else since?”
“Since?” He lifted his brows. He wanted to hear her say it.
“Since I left?”
He squeezed her hair tighter, making her lift her chin. “No,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “There is nobody else. There never will be. You’re mine. We both know it.”
It wasn’t a question of knowing it. They simply couldn’t be together, and it was exhausting. Together and apart, the rush of emotions, the guilt and despair. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“You don’t have to.”
The wind howled and whipped through the trees. Rain broke free of the clouds and fell in sideways sheets, a sprinkle barely reached them and caused Maddie’s skin to break out in goose bumps.
MJ’s fingertips glided down her neck and across her shoulders. Maddie stood on a cliff and could either turn and walk away or jump. Walking away was safe, it was living a stable, content life. She’d get her life in order and be happy. Even if her soul was always scrambling and searching to fill the emptiness.
Jumping from the cliff was being with MJ. Sometimes he made her feel like she could fly. He had so much love for her, it would carry her like a current of air and never let her fall. He’d been her world for as long as she could remember. He was every good memory, every tragedy, and every moment in between. MJ was her family. He was her past and for a time, he was the promise of her future.
“Do you think,” she began, then stopped, not sure how to say what was on her mind.
“Do I think what?” He picked up strands of her hair and let it slide through his fingers.
“Well, in twenty years do you think we’ll look back on this and it won’t seem so significant? Will all of these feelings dull over time?”
MJ took a minute before answering her. “It depends. If we’re together in twenty years and have the life we planned with a home and kids, then this time right now will have been a bump in the road. A big bump, but one we got past.”
He lifted her chin with the edge of his fist. “If we aren’t together in twenty years, then right now will still be the most significant time in my life. My last chance to have you. If I fail, the pain of losing you will never dull, never go away.”
All Maddie knew was the slow, syncopated rising of her chest and his breathing in and out, her heart beating against MJ’s. This moment would last forever for both of them. How they remembered it depended on her.
She couldn’t see twenty years into the future. She couldn’t see tomorrow with her heart and mind so conflicted.
She let her head fall to his chest and closed her eyes. His warmth and the sharp spatter of rain on the walkway lulled her into a thoughtless daze.
Maddie wasn’t certain how long they’d been lying under the cloister roof in the hammock when MJ’s body tensed under her. She lifted her head and heard it. Helicopter blades.
The sky was practically black now, the rain relentless. The wind battered the roof of the cloister and bent the trees in half. “This can’t be safe to fly in,” she said.
“No, I wouldn’t think so.” MJ helped her sit up and the two of them gazed out into the rain, glistening as it blew through the glow of the outside lampposts.
Beyond the whomp of the blades, the engine began to whine, louder and louder as it neared.
“That doesn’t sound good,” MJ said, taking her hand. His palms were sweaty and cool.
“I’m sure it’s fine,” she said, but she honestly didn’t think the helicopter sounded right either.
The whine of the engine went silent. Maddie squeezed MJ’s hand. They waited, listening to the howl and whistle of the vicious wind. Maddie held her breath. Why had the engine stopped? And the blades weren’t rotating.
A horrifyingly loud crash of trees cracking and metal grinding echoed across the island.
“Oh God,” MJ whispered.
“It’s okay,” she said instinctively, and pulled him close, holding his head to her chest. “It’s okay. Don’t worry.”
He held her back and studied her face like a light-bulb had just gone off in his head. He shook off whatever thought he had and helped her out of the hammock onto her feet. “We have to get to the hotel.”
They ran down the path with the wind and rain whipping at their faces. Drenched and panting for breath, they heard golf carts speeding toward the landing pad. “Come on,” MJ said, and tugged her toward one.
He jumped in behind the wheel. Maddie followed as quickly as she could, and hung on as he spun out on the wet pathway. She slid back and forth across the slick seat, grasping the bar that ran up the side for dear life. “How can you see?”
It was dark as midnight with leaves and palms blowing in front of them across the path, and the rain slicing across the windshield in waves. “I can’t!” he yelled over the roar of the wind.
He was going to end up driving them right into the water where they’d drown or get eaten. It was a chance she’d have to take, because she wasn’t going to tell him to slow down. His dad was in that helicopter. MJ had to get to him and Maddie would carry him across a desert on her back to get him there if she had to.
Two white golf carts came into view up ahead. “There!” She pointed.
“Got it.” MJ pulled up alongside them and they jumped out.
The wreckage wasn’t hard to find. It smoldered on the ground a few yards inside a dense grouping of Mangroves. “There’s Beck,” MJ said, and he took off jogging.
She ran to catch up.
Beck limped out of the trees with Riley supporting him on one side and Joan on the other. He held his hand across his chest, gripping his ribs tightly. “We’re okay, Junior. You’re dad’s right behind me.”
Maddie stepped up beside MJ. He took her hand. “What happened?” he asked. She felt him shaking.
“Tail got hit by lightning. Controls went out. Engine followed suit.” Beck winced in pain. “Hold up,” he said, and bent at the waist, panting. “I think I cracked a few ribs. It’s hard to take a deep breath.”
“I’ll bring the cart over,” Riley said, and took off running.
Maddie spotted Merrick limping out of the trees with his arm around Rachael. “MJ,” she whispered and nodded toward them. “Go.”
MJ jogged to Merrick’s side. “Are you okay? You’re limping.”
Merrick put a hand on MJ’s shoulder. “I’m fine.”
Tears flowed freely down Rachael’s face. Merrick brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it. He whispered something in her ear and held her face in his hands for a moment before turning back to MJ.
“Your head’s bleeding,” MJ said.
Merrick reached up and dabbed his forehead with his fingertips, then examined them. “It is.” He shrugged and wiped his hand on his torn pants. “It doesn’t hurt.”
“Probably a concussion,” MJ said. “I’ll go bring a golf cart over.” He spun Maddie around. “Come with me.”
The two of them tread across the landing pad to the golf cart. He was shaking, his face pale. She ran her fingers through the back of his hair. “It scared you.”
“I just got him. I don’t want to lose him yet.” He stopped the cart in front of Merrick and Rachael and got out. Maddie followed.
MJ put a shoulder under Merrick’s arm. “Let me help.”
Rachael wiped her eyes and fell into step with Maddie behind the father and son. “He could’ve died,” Rachael said, her voice cracking. She sniffled and exhaled a deep breath. “I could’ve lost him.”
“He didn’t.” Maddie stopped her and wrapped her in a firm hug. “He’s fine and he’s here now.”
“I know,” Rachael said. “I guess you don’t realize how much someone means to you until you think you’ve lost them for good.”
Her words hit home with Maddie. “You’re right. There’s nothing worse than not having someone you love in your life.” She watched MJ help Merrick into the passenger seat of the golf cart as she and Rachael approached to get into the back.
God, if it had been MJ in that helicopter. If she’d heard it go down knowing he was inside… She would’ve hated herself for not being with him for the past year and a half. Hated herself more than she already did. Not being with him, but knowing he was still in the world, hoping and praying he was happy—that was something she could find a way to live with. But, if something happened to MJ… if Maddie woke up tomorrow and found out he was gone from this life… No. She’d never be able to forgive herself for wasting even one day without him.
What the hell had she been thinking all of this time?