“Now this ... this is a view!” CJ pressed his forehead ... and his palms against my once-clean picture window.
“Yes, and forevermore I’ll gaze at your greasy forehead print at sunset, wishing you were here.” I slapped the back of his head and handed him window cleaner and paper towels I’d picked up at the grocery store on our way over.
It only took us one trip to get all of my things from Bo and Ember’s place over to my new apartment. There was a futon and a dresser left in the apartment, so I moved them to my bedroom, vowing to pick up some other furniture later in the week.
“I’m gonna miss you.” CJ tossed the used paper towels into my still unlined trashcan and walked toward me with his hands in his pockets.
I raised a cautionary eyebrow. “Like miss me, miss me? Or, get ready for one of CJ’s smart-ass jokes, miss me?”
He laughed. A full laugh that stripped away his punk exterior. “No, I mean really miss you. You just came back last summer, then everything with Rae...” He pulled one hand out of his pocket and rubbed it along the back of his neck.
He didn’t bring Rae up often. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was emotionally stunted, or because he was unsure how to handle the conversation. The way his eyes never left my face, though, suggested the latter.
“It’s okay, man. It gets better everyday.” I sighed, resting my back against the expansive living room wall.
CJ shouldered up next to me. “No, it doesn’t.”
I turned to look at him, and found him staring at me with a look on his face as dry as scotch. “I...”
“Just because you find better ways to deal with it, doesn’t mean it gets better.”
As his words worked a perfect circle into my gut, I slid down the wall. “You’re right. Nothing is better. Easier some days? Maybe. But nothing can possibly ever be better.”
CJ followed my lead and sat next to me, knees bent, hands clasped between them.
“I’m sorry, man ... I might not believe in love for myself, but you two definitely loved each other.”
“We did.” Tears infiltrated my eyes as the unsettling tingling returned to my hands.
“Don’t be ashamed to talk to someone. Anyone.”
I whipped my head in his direction and softly chuckled. “What did you just say? Did you just give me mental health advice?”
He started to answer, but I cut him off. “Nah, you’re right, I think. Maybe. No, you’re definitely right. I almost kissed Georgia today, for fuck’s sake.”
“You what?” CJ’s eye’s widened, and if his voice had eyes, they would have widened too.
Burying my face in my hands, I groaned. “Dumbest move ever, right? This girl I barely know offers me this incredible apartment on the cheap and I try to make a move?”
“Eh,” CJ laughed, “maybe your excitement got a little redirected.”
“You’re an asshole. Seriously, though. I didn’t mean to. I don’t even ... she’s not really my type. And even though I couldn’t admit it to myself at the time, when she pulled away I felt a huge sense of relief. Like I’m carrying around guilt, or something. About Rae.”
CJ punched my shoulder. “She backed away? Burn, dude. Burn. Way to put the Kane family name to shame.”
“CJ,” I sighed, “somehow I doubt that our forefathers dreamed that the activities you concern yourself with would be dignifying to our family name.”
He stood and held out his hand. “You’re wrong. I’m definitely a legend.”
“In the healthcare industry, maybe.” I mumbled as I reached for his hand. He pulled his away, sending me back to the floor.
“I’m always safe, dude.” He used his helping hand to give me the finger.
“Whatever. Ready to go see the recording studio?” I stood and fished the apartment key from my pocket, heading for the door.
“Only if I can bang on the drums,” he jested.
“Only if that’s the only thing you bang while we’re there.”
“Damn it,” he playfully hissed. “Good one.”
As we drove to the studio, I replayed the bonehead move I’d made to try to kiss Georgia, and prayed that she’d just forget about it.
There was still too much of Rae swimming in my heart to let my lips confuse someone else.
Regan
“Ooooh, man, this place!” CJ slapped his hand off the roof of my car as we stood in front of the recording studio.
“You haven’t seen the inside yet, you freak.” I closed my door and headed for the brick building with a faded Blue Seed Studios sign.
“You don’t always have to see things to know how awesome they are.” As he stood and looked at the door in reverence, I wondered if he ever knew the depth in some of the things he said. “Do Ember’s parents own this studio?”
I nodded. I swiped my badge in the key reader to the left of the door, and with one click we were granted access to the place where I’d be spending eighty-five percent of my time for the next few months. I’d only been in here once before, when Ember gave me my key card and the grand tour, so everything still felt new. Even though I’d been in several recording studios all over the world, walking down the halls of this one felt like my first day at the conservatory.