chapter 12
I wheeled to the sink and rinsed out my bowl. Peter silently opened the cupboard and got out the teapot. The kettle was burbling away on the stove, and I hoped he would turn it off before it whistled. The sound went right through my head. I watched his graceful movements as he rinsed out the teapot, then hunted through my canister of teabags until he found something he liked. I sighed and wheeled back to the table to leaf through the newspaper. Peter had been quiet since my rescue, withdrawn. I dropped the paper on the table and he turned the kettle off just before it started to make noise.
“Do you hate me?” I’m nothing if not direct. I could use my damaged frontal lobe as an excuse, but the truth was it was part of my personality even before the injury.
He shot a surprised green look my way, then returned his attention to the tea, busying himself. He was always busy these days, alternating between frantic movement and deadly stillness when I knew he must be lost in thought. Fragrant steam drifted up as he filled the teapot. He set the kettle back on the stove and went still again. I waited.
“I’m going away for a while.” His beautiful voice was calm, devoid of any strong emotion. I had enough emotion for the both of us. A wave of panic washed over me, followed by a sharp surge of anger. It wasn’t a surprise that he would leave. I had always known that he didn’t really belong with me. It was his reasoning that pissed me off.
“Is this because of me… because of what happened to me?” Because I couldn’t keep up with his world, because I wasn’t one of them. Vampires.
He turned to get a teacup out of the cupboard. “In a way,” he admitted, smiling to soften his words. He poured tea into the little cup as if it were any other day.
His calm acceptance was too much for me. I snapped. “Then don’t just stand there pouring tea,” I shouted. “If you are leaving me, then just leave. Get the hell out!”
His eyes widened, but he didn’t argue. He came to set the little cup of tea on the table in front of me. Then he pulled something from his pocket and set it beside the cup. “Take care, Melody.”
A numbness settled over me with his words, as my emotions swung crazily, unchecked by my damaged frontal lobe. I felt almost calm now, though my hands had started shaking. He made his way to the door and I watched him go. I almost thanked him for saving me, but in the end, I bit my tongue. It wasn’t my fault that I had needed saving in the first place. The little teacup shattered against the door, and I watched the honey-colored liquid make swirling rivulets on the linoleum.
I picked up my bracelet, the one Cashern had sent to Leah when I was kidnapped. The koi charm shifted against my palm, and I wondered if it the fish had any more fight left in it.
“Too many waterfalls to climb,” I said to no one. I let out a massive sigh. “And I’ve yet to turn into a dragon.”
*****
The morning air was crisp and chilly. It was still fall, but if today was any indication, a full-blown Michigan winter wasn’t far off. Chelsea was impatient as I transferred into my wheelchair. She’d cooled down since our last little chat, more than a week ago. But she was still her same old snotty self. “Why do I have to haul you around on my day off?” She stuffed her hands in her pockets for warmth. “Couldn’t you just take transportation?”
I shook my head as I buckled my lap belt and arranged my legs. “It’s too far out.” My words were clipped as I looked up at the house, my stomach a slurry of anxiety. The coven house was far enough outside of town that it wasn’t part of the public transportation route.
Chelsea tossed her hair and went around the other side of the car. “I won’t be long,” I said as she slipped behind the wheel. She waved her hand dismissively and reached for the radio. Steam floated up from the car’s exhaust and I could see my breath puff out in white clouds as I wheeled myself up the driveway.
I slowed as I neared the steps. Haine was waiting on the threshold, his broad shoulders blocking the door. He held up a hand in greeting. “You came!” It probably wasn’t a secret that Peter had dumped his crippled human girlfriend.
I nodded. “Is Leah home?” I tried to sound confident. I had no idea what I was doing. The vampire nodded affirmative, then glanced at my chair.
“Is it okay if I bring you up here?” I gave him a wry smile, embarrassed at my inability to climb stairs. If he hadn’t been here, I would have had to sit here and yell for service.
“If you wouldn’t mind.”
He jogged down the stairs and, gripping my chair by the sides, lifted me up onto the porch as if I weighed nothing. “I was just going in,” he said politely, “you can come with me.” He made it sound like I wouldn’t be welcome without an escort.
“Thanks.” What a nice vampire. I turned and went in, rolling my eyes at the absurdity of my life.
I didn’t see anyone in the living room, but I could hear voices from down the hallway. I wheeled toward them, following the sound of Leah’s soft tones. “I don’t know,” she was saying. She sounded tired. A male voice replied, but it was too low for me to catch what he said.
The door jerked open just as I raised my hand to knock. Peter stopped in the doorway, halting abruptly mid-step. He looked pissed. His eyes landed on my companion and his entire expression went flat, shutting down. It was more terrifying than his visible anger had been.
“I’m here to see Leah,” I said, automatically defensive.
“Of course.” He gave me a wry half smile and stepped back, gesturing for me to come in.
I wheeled into the room, and then froze. “Uh, are you having some kind of meeting? I’m sorry.” The room was full of people. Vampires.
Leah was pacing on the other side of the room. She looked… upset. The coven leader came to a halt and turned to me. Her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I don’t know why I came,” I said awkwardly. “Maybe to say thank you? I didn’t know you would be busy.” I tried to back away.
Cynthia stood from her spot on an antique sofa near the fireplace, and started to usher me out the door. She froze when Leah spoke. “Tell me what I should do.” I looked around for a second before I realized she was speaking to me.
The room was filled with murmurs and hushed conversation. Viktor stood, clenching his fists. Cynthia started to say something, but Leah held up a hand and she was quiet, her lips compressed to a thin line of disapproval. I could feel the tension in the room, flowing about me like choking smog. Viktor, never one to know when to shut up, spoke out over the others, “but she’s just a human.”
Leah gave him a quelling look, her blue eyes showing a hint of silver. “Yes. She’s a human. She has human morals, a human soul. Something we’ve lost.”
Haine touched my shoulder in passing and went to take a seat on an old fainting couch near the fireplace. I frowned in confusion, automatically looking to Peter for explanation. He leaned against the mantle, refusing to meet my eyes, and I clenched my teeth.
Leah took a seat on the ottoman next to me. The tension in the room ratcheted up a notch, and I thought I might get killed just for being here. What in the world was going on?
The master vampire took a deep breath and let it out. Just like that, the tension was gone. Her power over the others was that strong. This was one of her talents. She gave me a calm smile. “I am nicer than other vampires,” she said, surprising the hell out of me.
I cleared my throat. “Um… yes.”
She looked around the room, her eyes lingering on each vampire in turn. “I am very young to be a coven leader.” Her eyes met mine and they were completely silver. “But this is what my master wanted. When he left this world, he insisted that I take the coven. He wanted a new direction for our kind.”
I nodded. Peter had told me this. Their master had been an optimist. Her voice grew soft and distant. “I’m a woman. I’m not just young, I’m soft. I wouldn’t choose this role if the choice were mine to make.” She inclined her head toward Peter and the others. “But, my coven is my family. I need to protect my family or the wolves will devour them.” I met those compelling silver eyes. Her fangs were out. I had trouble breathing. She was supremely pissed.
I was missing something. “What do you mean?” My voice was small.
Peter stood. “Cashern’s people must be taken care of.” His voice was soft, deceptively and dangerously quiet.
I swallowed hard. “How?”
Leah took a deep breath. “I will kill them.” Her voice was cold, brittle.
I didn’t know what to say. They had made a play for power and lost. Naïve little me, I had thought that was the end of it. Peter finally met my eyes. What I saw there wasn’t comforting. “A fire starts as only one tiny flame, yet it will grow until it consumes everything and becomes unstoppable.”
Leah stood suddenly. “I know there is something more to this than what’s on the surface. I should put out the spark before it grows. If they think I’m soft-weak- more will come.”
I was shocked by the cold decisiveness in front of me. “But the whole coven?” My voice gained strength. “I only saw about four or five people the entire time I was there. What about the ones that had nothing to do with it?” They would all die because of me. I shook my head in denial. “No. That isn’t justice. It’s ruthlessness.”
The eyes on me were not kind. I had just dared to contradict their leader. I was chastising a bunch of monsters for being ruthless. I was shocked when Cynthia agreed with me. She wasn’t comfortable speaking out, but she lifted her chin defiantly. “Take out Cashern and bring them in,” she said quietly, “like you did for all the others.” Leah’s adopted family of orphan vampires.
Viktor looked at his sister as if she had lost her mind. “Without knowing where their loyalties lie? What if they are just waiting for the chance to betray her?”
Cynthia took a quick breath, refusing to look at Leah. “Bind them.”
A slender, dark haired beauty snorted derisively. “Leah doesn’t bind her vampires.”
Haine lounged on the sofa, looking lean and dangerous. “I am not bound, and it only increases my loyalty.” His voice was captivating. I flushed and looked away from his slivery blue eyes. They were all a bit stressed out, and I think I was getting an overdose of vampire mojo. He shrugged. “But I could easily betray you because of this.” His voice held soft warning. “It would be so easy.”
“What would you do?” Leah turned to me. Her silvery eyes watered, but she blinked rapidly to keep anyone from seeing it. I looked to Peter for help. He stepped forward and knelt at Leah’s feet. Taking her hands, he spoke earnestly.
“Leah, even if you don’t command us to do this, we will act on our own. You know this.” They were all fiercely devoted to this woman and the way of life she provided them. They wouldn’t let her be in danger.
She shook her head vehemently. “No. It is my responsibility.” Her burden. “I am your master.” She stood and I could almost feel the power gathering around her. Her voice was calm and even. “Find them all. If they resist, kill them. If not, bring them to me. Go.”
The room emptied in a matter of seconds. Haine lingered on the threshold, watching his master with a sad expression on his face. Then he was gone. Only Leah and Peter remained. A darkness seemed to hover over the earthy blonde. It seemed wrong. Jarringly so. “Melody, it’s time for you to go home,” she said flatly.
I clenched my fists where they rested in my lap. “What have you done?”
She closed her eyes in a long blink, and then headed for the door. “All that I could.” She tossed a glance at Peter as she passed by. “Say goodbye, then come. I won’t wait long.”
Peter started to follow, but hesitated. He was obviously impatient to be by her side. Finally, he came to me and ran a hand over my hair. I shook my head. “Is this why you left?”
He nodded, not speaking, his gaze going to the door. “Don’t go with them,” I said softly. Fear clenched my heart. What if he didn’t come back?
“My place is at Leah’s side.” His eyes were sad and his hand on my hair was so gentle, as if I would break. “I’m bound to her- even if it is not a true bind.” He sighed. “I love you,” he said finally.
I took a steadying breath. “But the coven is more important.”
He dropped his hand. “I cannot abandon them to this, especially….”
I finished his sentence. “Especially since it’s my fault. Your human that was involved.” He was blaming himself.
He was silent. I lifted my head. “Promise me that you will come back. Promise you won’t try to disappear.”
He turned to me and his shoulders seemed to lose some of their tension. “I will return to you.” His lips were a whisper on mine. Then he was gone.
*****
Chelsea chattered non-stop on the way home, commenting on the bevy of beautiful people who had left the old house in twos and threes, piling into their cars, and heading off in the opposite direction from town.
“Clients,” I told her, in what I hoped was a bored tone. Hopefully if she picked up on my irritation she would just think I was angry about being ignored. “The law firm is working with some models that are in a snit over something.” It was a load of bullshit, but it was the best I could come up with. Neurofatigue was hitting me hard, the stress of the situation causing me to shut down. I couldn’t think straight. I glanced back at the house as we drove away, hoping this wouldn’t be the last time I saw Peter.
After Chelsea dropped me off, I dragged myself to the couch and collapsed with a big afghan, my cell phone clutched in my hand, and a very large dog sprawled across my feet. I woke in the late afternoon with that terrible feeling you get when you sleep at the wrong time of day. I stared at the ceiling for a moment, wondering what I was doing sleeping on the couch. Then I remembered, and sat up in a tangle of loosely woven yarn. Fumbling, I checked my cell for a message from Peter. Nothing.
I dragged myself off the couch and set about getting myself some dinner. Then I sat staring at the microwave meal. It was probably terrible, but I didn’t notice. One minute I was picking up my fork, the next I was throwing away the empty plastic plate with no idea how I had gotten there. I stared into the trashcan, my mind whirling with doubt and guilt. People would get hurt tonight. People would die, and it was at least partly because of me. I imagined my quiet, kind hearted, bookish boyfriend out fighting unknown, superhuman enemies. If Peter had never had anything to do with me, this might not have happened. Then again, the other coven may have simply chosen a different target.
I took myself to bed and fell asleep staring at the phone that lay on my little bedside table. I slept through the night and woke to the alarm the next morning. Still no word from Peter. Something inside me clenched. If he was okay, he would have called me. He would have come and let me know he was alive, wouldn’t he?
Work was a blur, and I found myself zoning out and drifting off all day long. I had to double check everything I did, knowing I was making errors, but unable to make myself focus. I considered going out to the coven house after work, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. After my last visit there, I didn’t think I would be welcome, especially if things had gone poorly with the other coven. I cursed Peter for his lack of trust in me. I couldn’t even check to see if he had returned to his own home. His kind kept the location of their personal sanctuary as secret as Dracula’s lair. I tried to stay up and wait for him, but I was exhausted. Finally, deciding that I would only fall asleep in my chair anyway, I went to bed.
I don’t know how long I lay there, staring at the shadowy shape of my phone. I was powerless to find him, and I wondered if this was purposeful. Maybe he didn’t want anything to do with me and had used this opportunity to disappear from my life. I closed my eyes, fighting a wave of pain. When I opened them again, he was there, standing by my bed. I slowly sat up and switched on the lamp while I considered what this meant. Taz was still curled up at the foot of my bed, sound asleep. Some guard dog. Peter usually at least pretended that he had to abide by the boundaries of locks and doors. I thought this sudden appearance was calculated to set me on edge, a reminder of what he was.
He said nothing while I quietly studied him, looking for signs of injury. He wore a cloak of darkness and menace that I had never felt before. Pure power. His emerald eyes were brighter, nearly sparkling. He looked comfortable, and glowingly well- satiated.
“How many?” My voice was husky from disuse.
His expression was unflinching, as if daring me to react. “Eleven.”
I felt a dizzying shift as I began to realize something about him, something deep rooted and significant. “You killed them all yourself, didn’t you?” Cynthia and Viktor in their fanatic worship thought they were the most devoted of Leah’s followers. They were wrong. I had believed that his sole value to the coven was legal and financial. My nerdy vampire banker. I was wrong.
I decided that he looked well. Maybe he had needed this, needed an excuse to let out the instincts that he always kept carefully in check. The guilt in me grew even stronger. I didn’t have to say it. Moving slowly, as if purposefully demonstrating that he was harmless, he came to sit on the bed beside me. “This was necessary. It will keep you alive, keep you from being a target to anyone else.”
I looked at my hands. “Yeah.”
His silky voice held a hint of frustration. “Would you choose to let them live, knowing they would target you again? Or if not you, then someone else we value?”
I clenched my hands and stared into those bright eyes. “I said I understand. I get it, okay!” Maybe I was as hard and cold as the vampires were. Or maybe I was just selfish. I wanted to live. I wanted Leah to live, so that Peter could live. So I could be with him. So I could be happy. Chelsea was right. I thought of no one but myself. Except Peter. How could the world move for one person like this, even when I knew his flaws?
Peter took a deep breath, still not looking at me. “Leah took in another five.” He let out a sigh and turned to face me. “I don’t know that you’ve done them a favor. Their lives will be hell now. They will have to prove themselves to the entire coven. Everyone will be watching them, expecting them to do something wrong.” And if one of them betrayed Leah, or hurt one of the coven, I would be even more guilty since it was my voice that had stayed their execution. By asking that they be spared, had I just signed a death warrant for someone I knew- Leah, Peter…myself?
“Are we okay now?” My voice was flat. I couldn’t sit here and doubt myself anymore. Whatever happened, happened. I was not responsible for a bunch of vampires.
Peter shrugged and gave me a lost look. “I don’t know,” he said truthfully. “I thought that when the time came you would just let me go.”
I looked at him. “You were trying to walk away just to spare me.”
He gave me a sheepish look, completely ruining his assassin image. “I hadn’t expected you to be so fierce about it. I should have known better.”
I turned to him angrily. “And now?” He really thought so little of me? That I could turn off my feelings for him just like that?
He grinned. “I apologize for trying to leave. I honestly thought this would be when my nature and yours parted ways.”
He was baiting me, and I rose to it. “So you expected it to end and you weren’t bothered when it did?” I had to check the urge to slap him.
He stopped grinning and gave me an honest look. “Didn’t you?”
I took a breath to argue, but I realized he was right. I was always telling myself that he would leave me some day because I wasn’t good enough for him. But when it came down to it, I couldn’t really accept it after all. “Only at first,” I said finally, reluctantly.
“And now?” He was mocking my earlier question, turning my reasons back on me. I was being selfish again. Staying with me would only complicate his life. But even knowing that, I couldn’t help myself.
He took my hands, giving me a rueful look. “If you stay by my side, I will do ugly things to protect you.” I knew it was the truth, but it didn’t bother me as much as it should have. Was I selfish enough to accept that?
I shrugged and looked into his mesmerizing eyes, something still not sitting right in my mind. “If Leah told you to kill me,” I said quietly, “would you?”
He didn’t even hesitate. “She already did. Months ago.”
I sucked in a startled breath. “Why?”
He shrugged and looked away, his voice petulant. “She wants me to turn you. The whole damned coven does. They cannot be content to let you be who you are.”
I frowned. “They don’t care that I might not, you know, turn out right?”
He sighed and shook his head. “What do the others care? To them it’s of no consequence.” It wouldn’t matter to them if the turn didn’t work out for me and I had to be scrapped- oh well, better luck next time.
I pressed my forehead to his and closed my eyes. “Thanks for caring enough to say no.”