Chapter Twenty-One
Bradley and I stood at the door to the house about an hour later, preparing to leave, when he said, “Be right back.”
He had already called a realtor to see about selling the house, “As is,” and they hadn’t thought there would be any problem finding purchasers. The house was in a prime area of town and in a great school district. He told them to price it at how much it was worth, but even if they had to lower it a bit to sell it to do so, because he didn’t need the money and could afford to take a loss.
We had still been laying in bed when he’d made that phone call and I couldn’t help but feel pride as he spoke on the phone. He’d kept his hand clasped in mine the whole time, seemingly using my strength to do what he knew he needed to do.
After a few moments, Bradley walked back toward where I stood near the door, clutching what looked like a picture frame to his chest.
“All right,” he said, glancing around one more time before locking our gazes. “I just needed to get this. I’m ready to go now.”
I didn’t even blink, but he held it out and as I took it, I noticed it was indeed a picture frame.
I knew what it was before I even turned it over, yet I still sucked in a breath when I laid eyes on his family portrait.
Rebecca — with her blonde hair and blue eyes — cradled infant Lucas in her arms while perched on a chair as Bradley crouched beside them. He had one arm around her waist, while his free hand touched his son’s body, as if he couldn’t bear not to have that connection. The smile on both of their faces were filled with joy.
Tears pricked my eyes as I looked up at Bradley. “It’s lovely. Are you sure you don’t want to take anything else?”
“Yes.” He opened the door and indicated with his hand that I should step through, which I did. “My mother removed all the other photos from the house already. I guess she missed this one.”
Nothing else was said as he locked up the house and we headed back to his parent’s house.
He held my hand the whole way.
~*~
The next day Bradley decided to take me with him to the cemetery on our way to the airport.
It wasn’t until we reached their graves, sharing one headstone, that I noticed the picture frame in his hands.
He sat on the ground, placing the frame in the middle of two other objects: some flowers and a small teddy bear.
It was hard to hold back the tears when I realized he must’ve put both on the grave the day before, but I did. I read the words silently in my mind, kneeling beside him as he traced the lettering on the headstone.
Rebecca Marie and Lucas William Pickard. Beloved mother and son, gone from this life too soon, loved for eternity by many.
When Bradley finally spoke, he directed his words at me. “I never expected to come here. Nor to sit here like this, holding your hand, not consumed with hurt or anger as I have been for so long.”
“Too long.” I pointed at the picture frame. “It will always hurt, Bradley. Sometimes, when I think about Annalina’s father, I still hurt and I know I didn’t feel anything for him like you did for your family. But just because it hurts doesn’t mean you let it consume you and prevent yourself from living your life. Rebecca wouldn’t want that, nor would your son.”
He picked up the photo and tugged on my hand as he stood up. “You’re right, they wouldn’t. Although I’m not sure the ache will ever go away, at least it feels more bearable now.”
I rose, then placed my hands on his chest over his heart, and smiled up at him. “It’ll get easier, and if you want to talk about them at any time, I’ll listen.”
He covered my hand with his, and with one more glance at their headstone, lifted my fingers to his mouth and kissed them. “Thank you. I’d like that.”
Moments later, we headed to the airport.
And when we arrived home, Bradley placed the picture of his family on the mantel of the fireplace, a tangible reminder of his past now visible to those closest to him.
One step at a time.
~*~
Annalina walked into the kitchen the next morning, sitting down at the table with a yawn.
“Morning, sleepyhead.” I squeezed her shoulder as I walked past and opened the refrigerator. “Did you two get in really late? I didn’t hear you come in.”
“Mmhmm.”
Pulling out some things to make for breakfast, I laughed at seeing her resting her head on the table as I closed the door. Turning on the coffee pot, she continued to watch me as I prepped the food.
“Did you two have fun? How’s your uncles and their families? Was it weird without me?”
“Too many questions,” she muttered, making me smile even as she sighed and sat up straight. “Everybody got together at Cody’s house. It was loud, all those kids, but there was nowhere to hide! And yah, it was weird not having you there mom.”
Splitting the eggs up on two plates, I buttered the toast and teased, “I’m really going to miss you if you become one of those teenagers who doesn’t want to be around their mom, y’know.” I caught her eye-roll out of the corner of mine and laughed, carrying the plate over to her along with a glass of orange juice, then got mine and sat across from her. “Honey, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”
Her eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open as she stared at me. “Is it what I think it is?”
It only took me two-seconds to realize what she thought I was about to say and I shook my head. “No, no, not that!”
“Oh.” Her eyes dropped to her plate. “What is it then?”
“You look awfully disappointed.” I covered her hand with my own. “We can talk about that later. What I really want to tell you is that I met Bradley’s parents, and his sister.”
“Will I get to meet them?”
“Yes, they are coming here at Christmas.” I took a bite and contemplated how to tell her the rest without giving too much detail, then just decided to go for it. “Listen honey, you’ll notice there’s a new picture on the mantel. Bradley…” I bit my lip, watching her face closely, “Well, he was married before a long time ago, and had a son. Both his wife and son passed away about thirteen years ago.”
Her fork clattered to the plate as she gasped. “That’s awful!”
“It is. But I wanted to tell you before you saw it. It’s…difficult for him to talk about it, and I didn’t want you to see the picture and wonder what the hell it was.”
“Okay.” She paused for a second, then slid her hand out from under mine and covered it. “Hey mom, I actually wanted to ask you something…” Her voice trailed off before she squared her shoulders. “Well, ask you first before I asked Bradley.”
“You know you can ask me anything.”
“Okay, well, um…” She cleared her throat and looked down at her lap, then back at me, speaking in a rushed manner. “Do you um…well, do you think Bradley would be willing to come to my school for a…um…father-daughter day?” Her voice squeaked near the end.
It’s hard to explain the emotions that surged through me at her question and I didn’t even get to process them all before he spoke from the doorway.
“I’d love to.” Strolling in and pouring himself a cup of coffee, he sat in a chair on the side of the table that placed him between Annalina and me. “Why does it seem like I always find you two talking about me when I enter the kitchen?”
“You have impeccable timing?”
“Something like that.” He grinned at me and winked before turning his focus on Annalina. “When’s father-daughter day?”
“Next Friday!” Jumping up from the table, she threw her arms around his neck. “Thank you!”
I saw Bradley stiffen at the unexpected contact, then immediately relax his body and awkwardly pat her shoulder as he tossed me an amused look. She didn’t seem to notice though, pulling away and with a final thank you, said, “I have to go tell Emily!”
She ran from the kitchen, leaving us alone.
Bradley continued to drink his coffee and picked up the newspaper to read it. I stared at him until he looked over at me, raising a brow as he asked,“What?”
“I told her I had something to talk to her about and she asked if it ‘was what she thought it was.’ When I told her no, she seemed disappointed.”
He looked at me for a moment, confused, before he realized what she thought I’d meant, and put down the paper slowly. “Are you pregnant? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”
“No. I’m not.”
Taking another sip of coffee, he placed the mug down on the table and covered my hand with his. “So, what’s the problem?”
He seemed calm, his eyes were steady on me, and he looked very interested in my answer. I contemplated what I wanted to convey in the simplest way possible. Not because I thought him stupid, but because I knew this was a very delicate issue, especially after all I’d learned recently. Problem was, there was only one way to say what I wanted to say…so I said it.
“I’d like to be.” He quirked a brow, and I clarified, “Pregnant, that is. I’d like a baby…with you.”
It was weird. We sat there staring at each other, his hand covering mine, and I felt as if we were mulling it over together even though we weren’t. After all, I stated what I wanted, and he was the one who had to say yes or no. I’d already thought it through. I knew his fears, as well as my own, and even though I wanted to fill the silence with assurances that all would be fine, I didn’t.
When his mouth finally moved, he smiled and said, “Okay.”
His answer was so reminiscent of my response to his marriage proposal that I laughed, then asked, “Are you sure?”
“No.” He took a shuddering breath, kissing my hand before releasing it, and picked up his coffee once more. “I’m terrified. But there’s only one way past it.”
“I’ll tell you.” I waited until he met my eyes before I spoke again. “If anything is wrong, or I feel bad, or if I feel like you need to know something, I’ll tell you.” This time, I covered his hand and smiled. “I was fine with Annalina, and I’ll be fine again. But hey, it might not even happen.”
“Sure. It’s also possible you’ll get pregnant with triplets.” Amusement laced his voice as he tugged on my hand. “Come here.”
“Oh, don’t be silly,” I whispered, standing up to move toward him, then perching on his lap, and wrapped my arms around his neck. “If you’re going to go for it, might as well aim high. How about quadruplets? Or sextuplets?”
He didn’t answer. Instead, he captured my face between his hands and placed his mouth upon mine, tracing my lips with his tongue until I opened up and let him in. He kept his hands cupping my cheeks, our mouths melding as we did nothing but kiss until we were both breathless — then kissed some more. I slid my hands up into his hair, and felt simple glee when he didn’t flinch or try to remove my hands, but instead just let it happen. Let me touch him for the pure joy of it.
And because of everything that happened recently, I needed to ask one more time. Just to be sure.
I pulled my lips away from his enough to whisper, “I have to make certain. I want you to be positive, and ready for it, and—“
“Shh.” He moved a thumb to cover my lips, caressing them as he said, “I’m forty-five, and you’re thirty. We’re not exactly young, especially when it comes to having children, in terms of peak fertility. I’m positive this is what I want, and I’m glad you asked me. Am I ready for it? I don’t know, but is parenting ever something you’re really ready for?”
I nipped at his thumb and he slid it back to my cheek. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Yes, I know.” Pressing a soft kiss to my lips, he pulled back and gazed at me. “I know as a man I’m supposed to be tough and not admit things like this, but it does terrify me. When it’s me and me alone, I can control almost everything involving my life. But like you said — and I’ve acknowledged — that’s not living; that’s just surviving. If I say no, if I live in fear of us having a child and…” he swallowed, voice wavering for a moment, “And in fear of losing one or both of you, then I know I’ll be missing out on something amazing. Because you’re a great mother to Annalina and I know you’ll be a great mother to our child, too.”
“Children. Quadruplets, remember?” I joked, hoping to ease his mind a bit, but he merely smiled at me with a serious look on his face. “And thank you. You’ll be great, too.”
“Having children means you’re stuck with me. Are you sure?” He smirks, his eyes and words filled with humor.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m all yours.” I relaxed in his arms, beaming as the tension in his body went away as well. “So, it’s official then? I’ll stop taking my pills?”
With a nod, he kissed me again, but we didn’t get too into it since not even a minute later, my mother walked into the kitchen and muttered, “Get a room, you two.”
So, with a laugh, we left the kitchen and quietly did exactly as she suggested.