Suddenly Sexy

chapter 19



By the time Maddie arrived at Linda's place she'd tossed out several ideas including starting a pet grooming business, writing a best seller and joining the circus. The epiphany was the easy part, the practical side was proving more difficult.

Linda met them at the door. "How're my babies? Still alive?"

"I think so," said Maddie. "Although my feet are killing me and I never want to see ice cream ever again."

"Yeah right." Linda narrowed her eyes at her two elder offspring. "Were you two good for your Auntie Mad?"

"Yes," said David and Emily, racing out to the back yard, their second wind hitting them with the force of a gale.

"How was lunch?" asked Maddie, itching to tell Linda about her new direction.

"Great." They went into the kitchen and Linda filled the kettle. "Irene says hi and she wants your help."

"My help? Oh." Maddie sat heavily on a stool at the bench. "She wants me to tutor Riley, doesn't she?" Irene's thirteen year-old son had displayed early signs of delinquency last spring when he stole his father’s credit card and booked a flight to Mexico over the internet. Maddie couldn't imagine the kid sitting still to learn Pythagoras' theorem.

Cross tutoring off the list.

"No, she wants to redecorate." Linda passed a cup of coffee to her sister. "She asked me for advice and I said she should speak to you. You're better at that stuff than me." She glanced around at her Seventies' kitchen with its orange cupboards and linoleum floor and sighed. "I don't have time for creativity."

Maddie shrugged. "Look on the bright side, retro is back in."

"This isn't retro, Mad, this is puke. I think the previous owners were trying to decorate on the cheap and orange was the discount color that week." She sighed into her mug. "So, what do you think?"

"I don't know. I've never given anyone decorating advice before. If she asked me to develop non-allergenic cleaning products, I could help."

"You'll be great. Just do it." When Maddie didn't say anything, Linda added, "At least talk to her."

What the hell. She had nothing to lose. "I guess I can drop in tomorrow."

Linda beamed. "I'll call her later. This could be a whole new avenue for you, Mad. You can start a new business and you'll be so busy you won't even think about Sam."

Maddie groaned. "Thanks for reminding me."

Linda screwed up her nose. "Sorry, but it's not like you weren't thinking about him anyway."

True. Despite the distractions of the day, Maddie had still thought about Sam at least every five minutes, especially when watching the mating monkeys.

"Imagine shopping all day and spending someone else's money," Linda rattled on.

"Don't get too excited. Irene might hate my taste."

Irene loved her taste. And with her small inheritance from her recently deceased grandmother, money was no object. After a five hour consultation that included coffee, cake and gossip, they had a shopping plan for the next day.

Two nights later, Maddie sighed as she flopped into bed. She'd spent all day painting and hemming curtains at Irene's. Tomorrow she'd hang them and move furniture—a mixture of Irene's favorite pieces and new acquisitions—until the living room had the feel the customer wanted.

The customer. Maddie smiled into her pillow. This was great, just like a real business. And she was getting paid to shop and decorate. What more could a girl want? Who needed sex and Sam?

The smile faded as Sam's handsome face and delicious body crept into her thoughts. So much for being too busy to think about him.

Women like you and guys like me.

Would she ever be the sort of woman he could date?

Not likely. She might be changing professions, but she was still Maddie underneath. Boring, nerdy Maddie. She rolled over and took the pillow with her, wrapping it around her head to shut out the images of Sam. It didn't work and her heart still ached like it had been ripped apart. Tears stung her eyes but instead of biting back the pain, she let it out in a low, primal wail that lasted well into the night.

***

The last time Sam was in Maddie's house on a Sunday he got lucky. He hoped he'd get the same result this Sunday. He looked up at the sky as he stood on her porch but there were no flying pigs so it didn't bode well.

He hesitated before leaning into the doorbell, giving it a good, solid press. He was going to get this over with, no matter how awkward. He wanted answers. The squeezing around his chest had finally become too much and he'd caught the next flight out of Sydney, and now it was ten o'clock Sunday morning and the screws were getting tighter.

At least he'd know. As soon as Maddie Clarke opened her damn door, he'd know if his attraction to her had been due to Pheramour. If she still made his heart thud so hard it felt like it would punch a hole in his rib cage, then it wouldn't be Pheramour. If his groin still went "hello" at the sight of her, it wouldn't be Pheramour. It would be all her. All Maddie.

And then he'd just have to convince her that she wanted him as much as he wanted her. Yeah, no sweat. A woman who wrote lists longer than his high school detention lines would want a man who couldn't plan beyond the next five minutes. Yep, sure.

Sam ground his thumb into the doorbell again and this time he got an answer. The door swung open and Maddie blinked out at him. She was dressed in pink pajama shorts and a top covered with cuddling teddy bears. It was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen.

"Sam?" She frowned then rubbed her eyes as if he were an apparition she wanted to get rid of. Not a good sign. "What do you want?" And there was another.

"Are you all right, Maddie? You don't look so good."

"I didn't sleep well last night." She crossed her arms and blocked the doorway.

He took a step closer until they were only a few inches apart and he could kiss her if he wanted to. She didn't waver. She didn't lower her arms and she didn't move aside to let him in. Stubborn woman.

Stubborn, sexy woman he wanted to gather in his arms, haul into the bedroom and make wild passionate love to until she shook with ecstasy.

He bet she'd never done that before. Never let herself scream at the top of her lungs, let her body take over or let the fire within burn itself into exhaustion. He wanted to be the one to take her there.

Oh yeah, he was still hooked all right. Pheramour had nothing to do with it. Unless...

"What are you doing here, Sam?"

"I wanted to test something. Perform my own experiment." He leaned forward and lightly kissed her lips. Then he withdrew. She tasted good but he couldn't indulge, not yet. He needed answers. "Are you still wearing Pheramour?"

"Wh, what?" Her arms dropped to her sides.

"Pheramour? You know, that love drug you used to trick me." He couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice. It still stung that she could use him like that, make him fall in love with her and callously walk away. "Are you?"

She blanched and he regretted his harsh tone. "I'm really sorry about that, Sam. I wish I hadn't done it. But," she took a step inside, placed a hand on the door, "I think you should just go. This isn't helping."

She shut the door on his foot and he swore. The door swung open again and this time he forced his way through before she could see he wasn't hurt.

"Maddie, just tell me." He gulped in a breath. Did he really want to hear this?

She stared at him, her mouth slightly open, her hair tousled from sleep. She looked hot. And confused. Maybe she wasn't awake yet. Or maybe she was thinking of a way she could get out of this without hurting his feelings.

"Maddie, answer me." He wanted to shake her but he clenched his fists and swallowed.

She made a small strangled sound in the back of her throat and it took several moments of intense, agonizing silence for her to answer. "Sam, what are you saying?"

Oh damn. How could she do this? Was she soulless? Couldn't she see how much pain he was in? Surely she could feel the thumping of his heart across the air between them. Hell, it was loud enough, she should be able to hear it.

"Stop this, Maddie. Stop toying with my feelings." He grabbed her shoulders and gave her a little shake but she still stared wide-eyed at him like a kangaroo caught in headlights. "Maddie! Why are you doing this to me?" His voice sounded too raspy and he let go of her and turned away.

"Are you," she said in a small voice, "are you saying you still..."

"Want you?" He laughed. He wanted her more than any woman he'd ever known, more than he wanted his next breath. "Yeah." He turned around because this sort of thing could only be said face to face, no matter what her expression would reveal. "I want you, Maddie. I can't be without you. But if it's Pheramour making me feel this way..."

She shook her head. "No, it's not working."

Well. Huh. Just like that. So...

So this was real? This was what love really felt like. Like being sick or falling out of a plane without a parachute, like being hit by a bus or drowning. But it also felt like having a Royal Flush, like floating in the clouds or lying on warm sand under a Mediterranean sun. It felt totally, incredibly amazing. He smiled at her, but it vanished when she stared back at him with terror.

"It never worked," she squeaked. She cleared her throat and looked away. "I lost my job because I took a stand, and it never worked anyway, so it doesn't matter now."

"I'm sorry," he said. "About your job. Are you okay?"

She nodded but her face was shadowed so he couldn't see her eyes. He doubted it was okay. Maddie loved her job. It was her life, her future, her rock. And now she didn't have it and everything would fall to pieces because her plan was heading off the rails. Oh hell. That must be why she couldn't sleep.

Poor Maddie. He reached for her, hesitated, then touched her shoulder. She stiffened. Great. She didn't want comforting. Or she didn't want comforting by him. It looked like he'd have his work cut out for him convincing her otherwise.

Maddie wanted to feel more than just Sam's fingers touching her. She wanted to sink into his arms, feel him inside her again. But she was so confused. He was responding to her, not Pheramour.

It had never been Pheramour.

Blood pounded between her ears and when Sam moved closer, the room spun out of control and she wondered if she was fainting. She turned away so he couldn't see her face. He didn't have to. He leaned into her, propping her up, his chest against her back, his breath in her hair.

"Maddie," he whispered, "you know what this means?"

She knew and yet she didn't know. "You like me," she tried, "but you don't want to."

She heard his breath catch, felt his heartbeat lose its steady rhythm. "Why do you say that?"

She turned to face him and found his mouth near hers. He brushed an oh-so gentle kiss across her lips and for a moment she forgot what she was going to say.

"I want you," he murmured against her. "Don't fight it."

But she had to. She needed answers, clear, concise answers. She tried to pull away but he held her in his arms and he was too strong and she didn't really want to leave the solidness. Not yet.

"We're not compatible," she said. "You said it yourself. I'm a nerd."

"That was years ago," he growled, shaking his head. "Can't you forget about it?"

"How can I? It's who I am. It's what I've always been. You were right. I am a nerd."

"Maddie, I don't remember calling you that. Maybe you were mistaken—"

"I'm not! It was fifteen years ago. You and Pete were over at our place and you were supposed to be studying the table of elements. None of you could remember them so Linda asked me how I did it. I used a little jingle and I sang it to you." Her face heated at the memory. She was an atrocious singer. "But you laughed and that's when you called me a nerd."

Sam let go of her and stared down at his shoes. "Oh. Yeah. I remember that now." Then suddenly he chuckled and looked up again. His eyes danced and his mouth spread into a wide, boyish grin. He was so handsome, almost too handsome, and it hurt to look at him.

It just hurt.

"I'm glad you find it so funny," she snapped, wondering if she should slap him across the face or knee him in the groin.

He descended so fast she didn’t get a chance to do either. Didn't see the kiss coming. But when it did, it blew her away and she forgot everything. Tenderly, his lips caressed hers, tasting, teasing. She dug her fingers into the back of his head and held him in place in case he changed his mind and stopped the kiss.

But she was the one who stopped the kiss. Self-will had beaten down desire until it was nothing more than a burning ache low in her belly.

She shoved him away. "So we've established that I'm a nerd," she spat.

All he did was laugh. Laugh! "Maddie, you fool. I called you a nerd all those years ago because it was the only thing I could think of."

"Huh?"

He leaned in and touched the back of his hand to her cheek. "You were so smart. You still are. Jeez, I couldn't remember those damned chemical symbols with or without your song. I had to say something. I couldn't let a little fifteen year old get the better of me." He shrugged. "It was my come-back line because you made me feel like an idiot."

"Oh." She looked up into his eyes and melted under their hot intensity. He wanted her. He wasn't even bothering to hide it. "But I'm still that same girl I was then," she said weakly. She needed to stay focused, keep on track, before she gave herself to this man totally and risked getting her heart crushed by someone who wasn't right for her. "I'm still a nerd."

He touched his lips to hers then withdrew too quickly. "Fine," he murmured, "be a nerd. I don't care."

She closed her eyes and breathed him in. So delicious. "Then why did you say..." so masculine "...women like me and guys like you..." so Sam "...shouldn't be together?"

He moved in closer and licked a trail from her ear to her throat, nudging her pajamas aside to nibble her shoulder. Tingles zapped up her spine and she felt like she'd been slam dunked.

Oh God, everything was slipping beneath her, around her. Inside her.

He stopped kissing her and flattened his palm against her stomach, under her pajama top. "I said it because you're too intelligent for me." His hand moved higher and cupped her breast. "Too organized." He thrummed her nipple with his thumb. "Too good."

"Oh." Who said that?

"Guys like me," he muttered as his hand moved south, down her pajama shorts, "drifters, don't deserve sensible girls."

"I'm sensible?" If she was sensible she wouldn't let him do this to her, wouldn't allow him to rip the rug from under her feet.

But if his fingers kept doing that then who cared? She could live without rugs.

"Yeah." He knelt in front of her and slowly drew her shorts down her legs. They puddled at her feet and she felt his hot breath on her thigh. He licked. "Sensible." Lick. "Mature." Lick. "Organized." Lick. "And so goddamn sexy I can't get enough of you." Suck.

Ah!

"Maddie, baby."

"Mmmm?" She tried to concentrate but it was like swimming through mud so she stopped trying and just let go and wallowed.

"Promise me you won't change," he murmured against her.

"Whatever you want." Oh yes, there. "Just don't," aaah, "stop."

She felt his grin. "I like you the way you are. With one exception."

"If you tell me will you stop talking?"

He grabbed her rear and pulled her into him and Maddie had to grip the back of the couch to stop herself floating away. Now, oh please, now. A ripple of heat started between her thighs and spread across her skin, laying every nerve ending exposed in its wake. It was too much, too intense and she was going to die if that heat didn't explode and consume her.

"Let yourself go for me."

Somebody howled. Maddie didn't care if it was her.