Suddenly Sexy

chapter 17



"I'm a loser," Maddie wailed. She thunked her head lightly on Linda's kitchen table.

"You're not a loser," said Linda, pulling a face at Ronan sitting in his high chair to encourage a smile. "You're just occupationally challenged."

"You're not helping."

"Of course I am." Linda snapped off a square of chocolate from the large block in front of her and slid it across to her sister. "I’m offering chocolate aren’t I?"

Maddie dabbed at her eyes and ate the chocolate. "If you were helping, you'd have given me twice as much."

"Sorry. What was I thinking?" Linda broke off four more pieces, gave two to Maddie and kept the other two for herself.

"You were thinking your sister is such a loser," Maddie groaned and popped a block into her mouth.

"I was not. I was wondering how you were going to get your hands on the formula for Pheramour now."

"Linda! Pheramour's the reason I'm unemployed. This is such a mess. I'm such a screw up." She thunked her head again but this time it hurt so she ate another piece of chocolate for the pain.

"You're not a screw up." Linda squeezed her arm then turned her attention to Ronan when he fisted his hands and ground them into his eyes. "You'll get through this, Mad. Look at Sam. He changes jobs all the time."

"He doesn't get fired from them! And don't talk to me about Sam. This is all his fault."

"I thought it was Pheramour's."

"Sam's the one who first suggested Pheramour was unethical."

"Then I guess it's just as much my fault."

Maddie opened her mouth to agree, when Linda said, "Speaking of Sam, what did you do to him?"

"Nothing! I swear!"

"Then why did he take off to Sydney on the spur of the moment?"

Maddie's heart dove. He ran away? "Oh God, I drove him out of town."

"You didn't drive him out. He's only gone for a few days to finalize everything there. Pete said something about a dog."

"Chewy." Maddie eyed the last square of chocolate. "Do you have any more? Alcohol would be good too."

Linda stood. "We've only got beer, but I've got a stash of chocolate liqueurs. I have to hide them from Pete in the cupboard with the baking trays. He'll never look there unless for some miracle he gets the urge to bake." She rummaged through the trays and pulled out a box of brandy liqueurs. She handed the box to Maddie who tore the wrapping off and popped one in her mouth. Warm brandy poured onto her tongue and slid down her throat.

"Mmmm. I love these."

"Me too. Hand them over. Tell me more about what you did to Sam."

"I told him about Pheramour."

"You did what? Maddie, are you insane?"

"Very possibly. Miles definitely thinks I've lost the plot."

"I don't care what that little jerk thinks." Linda reached for another chocolate. "Why did you tell Sam? Everything was going so well."

"I had to. I couldn't use Pheramour forever. I didn't want to. I suppose I wanted what we had to be...real."

"But did you have to bring up the nerd thing too?"

Maddie met her sister's gaze. "He told you?"

"He told Pete. Sam asked Pete if he could remember ever calling you a nerd. Pete said he used to say it all the time but neither of them could remember Sam calling you that. Are you sure you didn't imagine it?"

"Years of teenage angst do not lie." Maddie buried her head in her hands and groaned but she had to lift it again when she grew dizzy. "I feel sick."

"You'll be fine."

"How will I be fine? I'm unemployed and my love life sucks. The last guy I went out with only dated me because I drugged him."

"You did not drug him, you," Linda searched for the right word, "coerced him."

"I tricked him." Maddie bit her wobbling bottom lip. "I'm a nerd, a bitch and a loser."

Linda came round the table and placed her arm around her sister's shoulder. "You'll be fine. You've got some savings in the bank."

Maddie knew Linda wouldn't understand. How could she? She'd gone straight from college to marriage and babies. Her goal in life was to not get pregnant. Women like Linda didn't need schedules and plans, they ran on chaos and nervous energy, tossing from one thing to the next but still managing to have a great life and look beautiful.

Maddie needed deadlines. She needed order and patterns. Without them, her life fell apart and every day was like a bad hair day. If that made her a freak then so be it. That's the way she was and she couldn't operate if things didn't go the way they were supposed to.

Right now, things were far from being where they should be. Maddie could cope with being thirty and not having a husband and children but that was because she had her career. Now she didn't have anything except bills to pay and a future that yawned before her like a barren desert. Who'd employ someone who'd been fired from their previous job? Not any company she'd want to work for.

Maddie left when Pete arrived, but not before he gave her the third degree over what she'd done to Sam. Why did everyone blame her? Pheramour was definitely her fault, but he'd called her a nerd. So what if it was fifteen years ago, it still hurt like it happened yesterday. Anyway, they wouldn't feel sorry for him soon. Once she saw him again and he realized he wasn't in love with her anymore, she'd be the one needing their pity.

Because her love wasn't going to fade after a few more showers.

***

The phone was ringing when Maddie arrived home. She snatched it up. Maybe Sam...

"Hello?"

"Maddie? It's Beaker."

"Oh."

"Miles told me what happened after you left. Why didn't you come back to the lab and say goodbye?"

Because I didn't want everyone looking at me like I'm a loser. "I hate goodbyes."

Silence, then, "Yeah, me too." Beaker paused and Maddie rolled her eyes, wishing he'd get it over with so she could crawl into bed with a tub of ice cream.

"Hey," he finally said, "there's something you should know."

"Miles has contracted a rare penis shrinking disease?"

Beaker chuckled. "You're not bitter or anything are you? No, Miles is okay, for someone who might be out of a job soon too."

"Miles is getting fired?"

"Maybe. Pheramour's not working on Fred and Wilma anymore. They can't stand each other. I'm beginning to think it never worked."

"It does! I'm living proof."

"Are you sure? When I used it, only Annie responded. None of the women at the lab found me more attractive."

More attractive? Maddie couldn't help smiling.

"And you've only got that Sam person. One response is not conclusive proof."

"There were others at the market. Honest. Men kept looking at me."

"Were you wearing something different? Maybe you had your hair down. You do look, well, um, hot when it tumbles over your shoulders. And you've got a great body, so if you wore something tight..." He sucked in a breath. "I think I better shut up now."

She frowned. "You're delusional, Beaker."

"Am I? What about Sam? Maybe he's smitten."

"Sam Hennessy has never been smitten with anything in his life. Except maybe with his car."

"I gotta go, Maddie, but think about it. Pheramour is definitely not working and now that Hillary What's-Her-Name knows it, she's going to be advising her company to pull out of the deal. Miles made us all stay back late to save his bacon but I don't think we can." He sighed down the line. "We're all screwed."

When he hung up, Maddie plopped on the couch because the living room was spinning and her head felt like it would explode.

After a few minutes she got up again because she couldn't think clearly without ice cream. She plodded to the kitchen, opened the freezer door and stuck her head inside. The shock of the cold blast startled her brain into action and she breathed deeply for the first time since hanging up from Beaker.

Oh God. What the hell was going on?

If Pheramour didn't work, then...

"Sam actually likes me." Wow. Now that's not something a girl gets to say every day. She sat at the kitchen table, spoon poised above the chocolate chip ice cream and burst into laughter. Sam Hennessy liked her and she was eating ice cream! Why was she wasting time?

She ran into the living room and dialed Linda's number. Pete answered.

"What's Sam's phone number in Sydney?"

"Maddie? Is that you? You sound different. Desperate."

"I am and stop stalling. Give me his number."

"So you want to speak to him now, do you?" He sounded annoyed. "You've changed your tune since yesterday."

She counted to five and let out her breath slowly. "Pete, I know you're upset on Sam's behalf, but there's really no need. I want to talk to him. It's all okay now." She tried to sound perky which was difficult when she wanted to reach through the phone and strangle him.

"I don't know, Mad, he was pretty upset. He even threatened to give up dating women altogether." There was a pause. "Not that he's going to start dating men of course, it's just—"

"PETE! Shut up and give me his Sydney number."

"Hey, don't shout. Jeez, you're more demanding than my kids. Anyway, I don't know his number. He sold his Sydney apartment and left Chewy with friends. I think he was staying with them for a few days till he got his head around everything."

"And you don't have their number?"

"No."

"What about his mobile phone?"

"Company phone. He had to give it back when he quit and hasn’t got another one yet. Why don’t you try Mrs. Hennessy. I'm sure the old busybody knows how to contact him."

Maddie winced. "But she's so...scary."

"Yeah. I wouldn't call her if I were you, especially if Sam told her about Pheramour. You're probably number one on her hit list."

"Thanks anyway."

"No problem-o. So, Mad," he said too casually, "I thought it was over between you two. Or should I say non-existent."

"Pheramour doesn't work."

She heard him blow out a breath. "That's good. I guess."

Maddie didn't like his tone. "But?"

"Well, what about the nerd thing?"

Yeah, the nerd thing. The thing where she was one and he wasn't. Nerds don't date cool men. They drool over them. They fantasize about them. Then they go back to their safe, predictable men—men who don't change jobs and homes and relationships every other week; men who don't make their stomachs mushy with one smoldering glance.

"Thanks for reminding me," she said, and hung up before he could say anything to further destroy her ego.

Women like you and guys like me shouldn't be together.

He'd said it himself when reality had returned with a crash yesterday. A woman like her couldn't possibly interest a man like him. Not enough to make him want to be with her every waking moment, or make his skin ache with longing to touch her.

She picked up the ice cream and stabbed her spoon into the tub, digging out a mouthful. She licked the spoon clean and struck the chocolate chip again. And again. She really was a loser. Her life was a mess—and she had no one else to blame.

At least she'd always have those two days when he'd forgotten what she was—a nerd.

She scooped up another spoonful of ice cream. Maybe if she'd hidden her nerdy side, he'd have continued to like her. Maybe if she'd jumped in the water with him. Maybe if she hadn't told him about her schedule, her plans for the future. Maybe. Too many maybes and not enough ice cream. She dipped her spoon in and hit the bottom. Empty. The universe was conspiring against her.