Six
Be Fearless
Spending time with Cooper was medicine to my soul. He breathed life into my spirit and it awakened me down deep. It was funny how you never really realized how lifeless you were until someone came along and gave you that shock to the chest that forced your heart to start beating again.
Cooper was becoming my heartbeat.
After Cooper dropped me off I tried to occupy my thoughts with other things. Anything. I cleaned my bedroom, changed my sheets, did a load of laundry, and organized the kitchen pantry. I stood in the kitchen, remembering all the times my daddy and I used to cook together and instead of feeling sad, I felt happy. I had good memories and I knew that if he were alive right now he would say, “Lily, be fearless!” That’s what he always told me. My first day of school every other kid had their mothers bring them, but mine couldn’t. Mine had died two years earlier. I didn’t know a soul, and I was extremely shy. My daddy pulled me aside, bent down to his knees so we were eye level and he said, “Lily, don’t be afraid of your fears. Make friends with them.” As I got older he would say, “Fear isn’t your enemy. It’s your motivator.”
I miss him.
I found my daddy’s old guitar and brought it into the living room. He had it propped up against the wall in his bedroom. I imagined him playing it at night when the world was quiet, and wanting to feel close to him I pulled it across my lap and started playing. The song I played was Allison Krauss’s version of “When You Say Nothing At All.” It was one of my favorites, the words pure and sweet. I sang the verses and allowed myself to feel the music. I played a few more songs and by that time I was sleepy. I brushed my teeth and climbed into bed. Lying there before drifting off, visions of Cooper’s eyes played in my head. Eyes are the gateway to a person’s soul and his were mesmerizing. Dark chocolate in color and absolutely beautiful, but more than that even, they were sincere and kind. Getting lost in them was easy to do, and it took everything I had to look away whenever I found myself getting lost in them.
Morning came and I got up and made a pot of coffee. Cream and two sugars was the way I liked it. I managed to somehow sleep until eight thirty, which was the latest I’d slept in ages. My phone was buzzing so I picked it up. A text message from Cooper sent earlier at six o’clock:
Up early and couldn’t sleep. Going to work but wanted to say Good Morning. ~C
Good Morning back! Thank you. Hope you have a good day.
I set my phone down on the kitchen table while I looked for something to eat. Frosted Flakes it is. I was pouring my cereal in the bowl when my phone buzzed again.
My day is better already. Would you let me take you to dinner tonight?
Sure. Sounds great. I should be home by four o’clock. What time?
I’ll be there at seven.
Ok. See ya then.
There was no sense in pretending that didn’t put a great big smile on my face. I was totally giddy from getting a morning text from him. If I could jump and click my heels like I’ve seen people do I would! I ate my Frosted Flakes, grinning the whole time. The. Whole. Time.
I got to work and was immediately greeted by Beth. She was blonde, cute, young and sweet. She welcomed me from the first day I started working there about three weeks before. She introduced me to all the regulars, showed me the ropes, and we were instantly friends.
“Lily, I can’t WAIT to tell you about my date,” she squealed, running up to me.
“That’s right, how did it go? What was his name again?”
“Jack. Ohmigod, Lily, he’s so hot! I really like him. He took me to dinner and a movie and we had the best time!” She did this little thing where she clapped her hands together super-fast with just the tips of her fingers. I noticed she only does that when she gets excited about something.
“Aw, that’s great. I’m glad you like him.” I gave her a big hug and an approving nod. “When do y’all go out again?” I headed off to put my purse in the back room and she followed me the whole way, gushing.
“Not until Friday night. Don’t know where we’re going yet but I’m so excited!”
“I’m excited for you!” I really was. It was hard not to have her positive energy spill over and not affect the nearest person to her. She was oozing excitement and enthusiasm.
“What about you, Lily? Anything exciting happen to you this weekend?”
Gosh, should I say anything? Cooper and I had hung out together for the first time, and it was wonderful, but should I mention it? I mean, we were just getting to know each other and doing the whole friend thing and all, so….
“Don’t think I didn’t notice your own grin walking in here this morning,” she said with a smirk. “Come on. Spill.”
“It’s nothing. I spent some time with Ms. Sophie’s grandson yesterday.”
“And who is her grandson?”
“Cooper,” I said looking away. “All we did was—”
“Stop right there. Are you talking about Cooper Hudson – as in COOPER HUDSON?” Her face was lit up and her eyes huge.
“Uh, yeah. Do you know him?”
“Uh, yeah. He’s a dream! Ohmigod, and you and he hung out together?”
“Yes,” I said with a raised eyebrow. I was about to ask her how she knew him, when the bell over the door chimed and a large group walked in together.
She patted my hands super-fast and squealed something and then grabbed a handful of menus and ran off to wait on the customers.
We had a steady flow of customers and we stayed busy through the lunch crowd. The regulars liked eating there because Sal was an amazing cook. He didn’t make anything fancy, but what he did make, he made perfectly. His specialty was his burgers. They were A-MAZING. I liked that he toasted the buns and grilled the onions. His fries were the next big thing because he used some kind of Cajun seasoning on them. Everything Sal made was fantastic. It was a small diner, and I liked the coziness of it. I only worked part-time three days a week, and usually only worked the lunch shift. It was mainly to have something to do to occupy my time for the short term. I didn’t need the money, and if one of the other girls needed the hours I would gladly give them my shift.
When I noticed one of my favorite customers sit down in my section, I filled up a glass full of ice and filled it to the rim with sweet tea, then set it down in front of him.
“Thank you, Lily,” he said with a warm smile. “How have you been?”
“Fine. And yourself?” Jim was older – more like Ms. Sophie’s age— and he loved giving me a hard time.
“When are you going to run away with me and get married?” he teased.
“I think your wife might be a wee bit upset about that,” I said. He loved his wife. He talked about her all the time, and always with a glimmer in his eye.
He laughed. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I guess I’ll just have to settle for you marrying someone as good as me.”
“You’ll be the first to know,” winking at him.
“I’ll hold you to that, Miss Lily.”
I didn’t need to take his order because I already knew what he wanted: Grilled cheese and tomato soup. He ordered it every day. “I’ll get your soup and sandwich right out to you, okay, Jim?”
“Take your time, little lady. I’m in no hurry.”
I was thankful when the end of my shift finally arrived. I had been going nonstop and wanted to get home in time to take a nice hot bubble bath before Cooper showed up. Plus I was starving. I hadn’t eaten anything since my bowl of cereal that morning and I was saving my appetite for later. It wouldn’t matter where he took me to dinner because I’d be too hungry to care.
I had time to soak in the tub, wash and blow dry my hair, put on my makeup- still sticking to the basics: mascara, blush, lip gloss, and got dressed. I chose something casual… jeans, a light yellow top with white trim around the scoop collar and I chose a brown necklace that had a yellow flower as its ornament and it rested just under my throat. It matched the yellow on my shirt perfectly.
I looked at the clock. Six fifty-eight. Ugh, this is torture.
A minute later I heard his car pull up in the driveway. I was relieved that my waiting was over, but then I felt nervous again. I watched him get out of the car from the picture window in the living room, and remembered what Beth had said this morning. She knew him; I forgot to ask her how.
I opened the door before he had a chance to knock. Cooper was standing there holding two bags in his arms.
“What’s all this?” I asked, moving back to allow him inside.
“I decided to make you dinner instead. I hope you like lemon pepper chicken.” He made his way through the door and back toward the kitchen.
“Yeah, absolutely.” I watched him unload the groceries and move around my kitchen like he already knew where everything was. “Do you need any help?”
“No, I’m cooking. Your job is to eat,” he said over his shoulder. He took a loaf of bread out of the bag, then began looking in cabinets and drawers for things he’d need to cook dinner.
“You sure you don’t need me to help? I do know where I keep the pots and pans.”
“Ah-ha!” he exclaimed. “Found it. It’s not rocket science. Sit down and relax. Everything is under control.” He busied himself seasoning the chicken and putting it in the oven before starting on the vegetables.
“Okay, but this feels weird. I feel like I should be doing something.”
He looked up at me with that grin of his. “Will you relax? When was the last time someone cooked for you?”
I looked down and away before answering. “No one’s ever cooked for me, unless I count my daddy.” I look back up at Cooper. “Does that count?”
He seemed to be considering that question thoughtfully and finally said, “Sure, it counts.” A moment later he moved around the counter, took me by the shoulders with both hands and led me to the closest barstool. “Sit. I’ve got mad skills in the kitchen. You’ll be impressed. I want you to have front row seating.” He winked for good measure.
“Is that right?”
“Cross my heart.”
“Can I at least get you something to drink?”
He turned toward the refrigerator and grabbed two beers, popped the caps on both bottles and handed me one. “Nope, I got it.”
I decided to wave my white flag and do as he asked. Sitting there, my mind began to wander. Every time he took a sip of his beer I watched his lips, and I found myself wishing I was that bottle. His lips were full and soft looking, and I was wondering to myself if I liked his lips better than his eyes or his eyes better than his lips. After comparing the two I decided I liked them both equally. Yep, definitely equally.
“What are you thinking about?”
“W-What?”
“What are you thinking about? You seem deep in thought over there.”
“Uh… nothing.” I felt my face flush and I looked down, hoping he couldn’t tell, and took a sip of my beer.
“Nothing doesn’t make a person blush.” His head was tilted down, but his eyes were looking up at me. “What were you thinking about?”
“If I told you, you would laugh, so I’m not telling,” I said, really hoping he would drop it.
“Oh no, now you have to tell me.” He turned toward the stove and stirred the ingredients in the pot.
My daddy’s words crept to the surface and I could almost hear him say, “Be fearless.” I took a breath. “Okay, listen, I know you said we needed to be friends, and I want that too, really, I do, but sometimes I think about kissing you, and …” I let out a big sigh. “God, this is embarrassing. I was thinking just now what it would be like is all.” I didn’t bother looking up at him because I was completely mortified. I waited for him to say something but he remained silent. I willed myself to look at him after what seemed like forever to see if I could judge his expression.
When I looked up he was standing beside me. He placed his hands on either side of my cheeks. My heart was racing and I thought, This is it. He’s going to kiss me. He leaned in and my breath caught.
His lips hovered over mine and I felt like my heart might beat right out of my chest. I could smell mint mixed with beer on his breath, as well as his cologne. The combination was an intoxicating mix and I started to feel slightly dizzy. I waited for his kiss.
He licked his lips. “Lily, I’ve wondered the same thing…what it would be like to kiss you. So many times.” His eyes dropped to my mouth and he held his gaze there before moving his eyes back up to meet mine. “And I want to kiss you. More than anything. But…”
“But what?” I said in barely above a whisper.
He dropped his gaze back to my lips. “But you haven’t tried my cooking yet. You may not want to kiss me after you’ve tasted it.”
“I’ll take my chances.”
He shook his head like he was fighting against himself, then he pulled away.
My heart sank. I stood up to move around him. “It’s okay. I get it.”
He blocked me so I couldn’t walk away. “What is it you think you get, Lily?”
“You just want to be friends. I get it.”
He moved closer to me, so close I could feel his breath on my cheek. “No, Lily, I don’t think you do get it. I need for you… I need for you to just…” He paused again, like he was trying to carefully craft his next words. “I want our first kiss to be perfect. I need it to be perfect. For you. You deserve a perfect kiss. Let me give that to you. It should be spontaneous and maybe a little unexpected. You should also be kissed purposely so you know that I’m not kissing you on whim. When I said I wanted to be friends, I meant that I wanted us to be more than two people who are attracted to each other. I want to know your soul and I want you to know mine.”
I didn’t know what to say. That was the absolute sweetest thing anyone had said to me. Ever. And I couldn’t even speak. All I could do was stand still, looking into his eyes. I wasn’t sure how long we stared at one another like that. I felt as though I was under some kind of hypnosis, but instead of being in a trance I was never more aware of my surroundings. I was in tune to the sound of breathing— both his and mine— sensitive to his touch, and I was both lost and found as I watched an array of emotions flash behind his eyes and move across his face. My insides were a frantic clump of nerves, ripping and tearing through my body with ease; on the outside I was completely and utterly motionless.
Finally, he kissed me on the cheek close to the corner of my mouth. He moved one hand behind my neck, the other around my waist, and pulled me toward him. “Now, relax and let me cook you dinner.