Thirteen
Fallen
I don’t know how long I sat there staring down at the bracelet that was now wrapped around my wrist, promising myself that I would never take it off. The cold metal was warming on my skin as I continued to trace the words slowly. I’d spent the last five years in a hazy fog, shutting out most of the world around me. I moved through life simply going through the motions, never realizing that I had pushed pause on my life and was afraid of actually living.
Cooper had been carrying around the events of that awful day as long as I had, only he was cursed with remembering it all, while I was lucky enough to not remember. Funny isn’t it? Thinking how lucky I was. I never considered myself lucky until right now, this very moment. Watching Cooper struggle to tell me what he saw, what he endured, how he recalled in painful detail the anguish my daddy went through. I can’t imagine being in that room not knowing if someone I loved and cared about was going to live or die. Cooper chose to stay and endure the torment with my father, and then actually take on the burden of blame. Hearing Cooper blame himself felt like shards of glass penetrating my heart. How could he take on that kind of guilt? He saved me.
I looked up at him, and he was watching me with a deep concentration, trying to read my thoughts, I guess. He seemed scared almost, or maybe it was just sadness I was seeing, but looking at him looking at me like that felt like my heart was being squeezed in a vise. I reached for Cooper, placing both hands on his face, and looked into the windows of his soul with an intensity so potent that any lingering doubt or insecurity should have melted away. I wanted him to know what he meant to me. I needed him to understand that he had the power to break my heart with just a look and the power to heal it with another. I knew there weren’t words that could explain the emotions that he managed to stir inside of me.
“Cooper Hudson, in all my life I’ll never be able to thank God enough for you. You have taken the pieces of me that were broken and began fixing them one by one, and you did it with just your smile. That magical weapon you possess that’s so powerful yet so subtle that I never even realized you did it until now, this moment. You tore down the walls from the emotional prison that I built around myself and unlocked the door to hope. And it’s because of you that…”
There was more that I wanted to say. So much more, but I choked on my tears, rendering me incapable of saying any more words. Cooper remained fixed on my gaze and remained still, waiting for me to finish. Something inside me erupted and I was suddenly desperate to make Cooper understand. Without another thought I kissed him hard on the lips and wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could. Up until then, Cooper had been the one to kiss me, and now I wanted to be the one to kiss him.
In my head I was willing him to understand. Feel that, Cooper. Please feel what it is I’m trying to say.
I felt Cooper’s hands reach my face and he reciprocated the kiss with a degree of emotion that made me feel like I was skydiving without a parachute. And as sure as I was sitting there I knew that when I eventually came down from this freefall that he’d be there to catch me. Right now, I enjoyed the peacefulness he brought me while simultaneously giving me a rush of adrenaline I’d never before experienced. We were communicating without the hindrance of words. He gently rolled me onto my back until I was looking up at him. He hovered over me, allowing his arms to hold up his upper body, never completely resting the full weight of his body on mine. His kisses had slowed and the urgency that we both felt before had subsided, leaving only the need to touch and be close. He continued to kiss me, slowly bringing me back to the ground. I felt completely safe and cared for with him, and I made a soft landing.
I opened my eyes to find Cooper’s. His eyes had taken on a darker shade of chocolate. He brushed the hair away from my face with light touches of his fingers and then his eyes traced the outline of my eyes, nose, lips, and chin. The way he looked at me when he did that made me feel cherished; like he was taking precious time to study me – all of me. He leaned in close to my ear and whispered so sweetly, “I caught you.”
I woke up to sounds of breathing. At first I was disoriented and forgot where I was. Then I remembered Cooper and I had fallen asleep on his couch watching movies. I was bundled in his arms with my face nestled against his chest. I didn’t want to move and risk waking Cooper, so I closed my eyes again and breathed in his scent, recalling everything we talked about last night while I absentmindedly made light circling motions on his chest. The sun was barely breaking through and all I wanted to do was lie here with Cooper until it was time to face the world again. If I had my choice, I would stay right there forever. However, since the world didn’t stop on my account I chose the next best thing… I drifted back off to sleep to the sound of Cooper’s beating heart.
I awoke again to warm breath on my skin and Cooper’s voice.
“Mornin,’ beautiful.”
I felt his hands smoothing out my hair as he kissed the top of my head. I stirred at the sensation and opened my eyes. The sun was bright now. I sat up with the realization that the world had caught up to us.
“Mornin,” I said back, looking at him through sleepy eyes.
“If you give me a minute, I’ll make you some breakfast. You hungry?”
“Starving.”
“How’s scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast sound?”
“Sounds wonderful.”
“If you want to take a shower you can.”
“Umm, I don’t have any more clothes with me.”
“I’ve got some boxers you can wear, and a t-shirt.”
The thought of getting out of these blue jeans sounded like a pretty good idea. Note to self: never sleep in blue jeans again.
“Okay, thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Cooper said. “Actually, I already set everything out for you.”
“You did? I must have really been out of it not to hear you get up.”
“I was very careful not to wake you. I like watching you sleep,” he said. “I’ll get started on breakfast.”
I turned off the shower and stepped out, wrapping a towel around me, and then I heard a knock on the door.
“Lily, I forgot to tell you there is an extra toothbrush in the cabinet.”
“Okay, thanks,” I said through the bathroom door. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Take your time.”
The smell of bacon had drifted all the way to the end of the house. I got dressed as quickly as possible because I was in dire need of some coffee and food. I walked into the kitchen and had to stop for a minute and watch Cooper. He had changed into sweats and a solid black t-shirt and he was too beautiful not to stop and admire. He looked up and caught me watching him and a smile stretched across his face. “Well, are you gonna just stand there or are you gonna come over here and have breakfast with me?”
“Sorry,” I said with a smirk. “I was admiring your… technique.”
“My technique?” he asked, a permanent grin taking residence on his face.
I nodded my head and sat down across from him at the kitchen table.
“If spreading butter impresses you, you should see what else I can do.”
I nearly choked on my toast at his words. I looked up at him as I washed my toast down with the juice he poured for me. “Are you okay?”
“Mmmhmm, I’m fine.” I touched the napkin to my mouth. Clearing my throat I veered course. “So, are you working today?”
“Nope.”
“Playing hooky?”
“Yes. I called myself this morning and let myself know that I would not be in today. I was okay with it.”
Holding in my laugh, I shook my head. “I’m glad you were so understanding.”
Cooper shrugged his shoulders. “I’m cool like that.” He took a bite of eggs then looked up when he felt a piece of toast bounce off his nose. “Did you just throw food at me?”
I shook my head yes, but said, “No.”
He looked at me through simmering eyes, contemplating what he should do about it. I, by that point, was grinning like a Cheshire cat.
“Just for that, Lily Grayson, you’ll have to sing with me tonight.”
“Whoa, what?”
Now, he was grinning like a Cheshire cat. “We have all day to practice.”
“Are you being serious right now?”
“Yep.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Practice with me today, and we’ll take it from there. Agreed?”
Giving his request some thought I agreed. Reluctantly.
Cooper pulled the guitar strap over his head.
“What song are we singing?” I asked.
Cooper looked at me like he was giving it some thought but didn’t answer.
“Hello? Earth calling Cooper.”
“Oh sorry,” he said. “I’m suddenly very much aware that you are wearing my clothes. My underwear to be exact. And my t-shirt. They look really nice on you.” He was desperately trying to hold his grin in.
“Riiiight,” I drawled sarcastically. “You think you can concentrate on the music? This was your bright idea after all.”
“I can’t make any promises with you dressed like that.” Cooper ducked when the pillow I threw nearly hit his head. “Now you’re throwing pillows at me?”
I shook my head yes, but said, “No.”
“If you weren’t so damn adorable I might have to take you down and tickle you until you can’t breathe. But since I need you to breathe right now, I’ll wait until later.”
“Promises, promises,” I said teasingly.
Cooper cocked his head to the side. “Don’t doubt me, sweetheart.” He strummed his guitar and adjusted the tuning pegs. I found myself watching him intently and secretly hoping that he couldn’t hear my heart slamming against my chest.
We decided on a song to sing together and it came together quite easily. Better than I expected. After several runs through the song, Cooper set his guitar down. “Lily, do this with me tonight. I… I really want you up there with me. It would actually mean a lot to me if you did this.”
“You make it incredibly hard to say no.”
“It’s part of my charm.”
“Yes, I’m beginning to see that.”
“So you’ll do it?”
“Yes, I’ll do it.” I would have done it anyway because he’s Cooper, and because he asked me to.
Cooper’s smile couldn’t have been any bigger if he tried. “Thank you. I’ll drive you home and then I’ll arrange to get your car back to you. I’ll pick you up at six tonight. Will you be ready?”
“Yes,” I said, “I’ll be ready.”