"You were darlin', but I should have made that more my job, than yours. It was too much pressure for a kid. And you always put enough pressure on yourself as it was. Go make yourself happy, Gracie. No one knows better than me that you gotta grab at it and hold on tight when it comes your way. Might not come again."
I let out another little sob and launched myself at him, almost tipping that damn flower covered recliner right over. We weren't big on physical affection in my house, but I just couldn't contain myself in that moment. I loved my dad so much. It was like a ten-ton weight had been lifted off my chest. And as it turned out, I had been the one who had let it sit there all that time. I hugged him tightly and after a minute, he wrapped his arms around me too and we sat like that for a while, me whispering, "Thank you, Dad," in his ear.
"What the HELL are you doing to my dad?" I heard screeched from the living room doorway. I sat up and laughed.
"I'm hugging him, you nutjob," I said to my sister, Julia, smiling and getting up. She was grinning too. "Hi, big sis," she said, hugging me to her and squeezing me tight. My dad wasn't real big on the physical affection, but us girls made up for it with each other. We were each other's anchors, each other's comfort.
"God, you make me feel short," I said, looking up at her beautiful face. Julia was blonde like me, but she had gotten our dad's height and towered over me at 5'9". I was insanely jealous of her long legs and supermodel figure. She could and did eat anything she wanted.
"Audrey should be right behind–" Julia started to say, just as I heard the door slam and Audrey's voice call out, "Helooooo!" A brunette head peaked around the doorway and Audrey's pretty grin lit up her face. Audrey had gotten my mom's side of the family's height like me, but had brown hair like my dad. She was adorable in every way–I had practically raised her when Andrew died and my mom had checked out. I considered myself almost more of an aunt to her than a sister.
She ran in the room and launched herself at me, practically toppling me over as we both laughed and jumped up and down.
My dad cleared his throat.
All three of our heads whipped over to him.
"Do you girls mind? Jeopardy comes on in five minutes and I can't hear it over all the clucking."
I started moving first. "Of course! Here, you sit down." I pushed him into his daisy-covered recliner and handed him the beer that he had sat down on the table next to him before I had launched myself into his lap, and I turned the TV on the right channel.
I looked back at Julia and Audrey and they were both rolling their eyes at me as I went about making our dad as comfortable as possible. Well, whatever, some habits were hard to break. He was my dad. I took care of him. That's what I did. I threw an afghan over his legs and grabbed my small suitcase and all of us girls ran up the stairs, pushing and giggling.
We went into my old bedroom and Audrey and Julia flopped down on my bed as I opened my suitcase and started putting clothes into the dresser drawers.
"So what's new chickadees?" I asked.
Silence. I looked over at them and they were shooting looks back and forth. I put my hands on my hips. "What?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.
"Julia has something to tell you," Audrey offered, grinning broadly.
My eyes swung to Julia who was looking at me nervously. "Yeah?" I let the word drag out, raising my eyebrows.
She started picking at an invisible thread on the hem of her sweater. "Well, the thing is, I kinda met someone."
I raised one eyebrow. "As in a boy?" I asked.
She nodded her head, smiling up at me. "Yes, a boy–"
"Well that's not all. Tell her the big news," Audrey said and Julia shot her a warning look.
I sat down on the bed with them. "Julia, just spit it out," I said, throwing my arms up in the air and letting them fall.
"I'm not a virgin anymore," she blurted out. "I'm de-virginized. I'm a woman!" she finished, giving me a small, nervous laugh.
"The cherry is popped," Audrey offered reverently.
I looked back and forth between them. "You were nervous to tell me, Jules?" I asked on a small frown.
"Well, no, I mean, a little, it's just," she took a deep breath, "yes, I was nervous to tell you." She took my hand. "You've just always been kinda like a mom to us and face it, you're kinda straight-laced, Gracie. I mean, are you a virgin? We talk about everything, but you've never talked about sex with us. At least not on a personal level. You've just always been so driven, so focused on other things…"
I stared at her, thinking. We joked about sex. We made references to sexiness, and hot guys, stuff like that, but I guess she was right. I had never talked about sex on a personal level. I had never really gone to parties or dated boys much in high school and so there really wasn't anything to talk about there. I had never told anyone, except Carson, about my guy plan. That stupid plan that didn't even exist anymore.
I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, girls. You're right. I haven't been a good older sister in that category. I should have been more open with you. I just… I had all these dumb ideas, that up until a couple months ago, I didn't even know were dumb ideas. I probably needed the talk more than either of you. It's just, without Mom here…I never…I've treated you both like babies, I'm sorry." I huffed out a breath and shook my head.
"No, Grace, we're not trying to make you feel badly. You've always taken care of us. We love you for that. We just didn't know how you'd react to this kind of specific information." Audrey gestured her head toward Julia.
I grabbed Audrey's hand and squeezed it, and then looked at Julia. "Who is he, sweetie?"
She grinned, her eyes sparkling. "His name is Evan and he works at the hospital. In administration. He's twenty-two. We've been dating for three months and I'm in love, Grace. Truly in love. He treats me like a princess–like I'm the most precious thing on the planet," she finished dreamily, flopping back on the bed.
Audrey rolled her eyes. "You're really not sorry you missed all the gushing over the last few months, Grace. It's been truly vomitous."