So This Is Love

chapter Ten

The apartment Emma wanted to look at was in a Victorian building in the Marina District. The Marina was at the north end of the city and very close to the Golden Gate Bridge, which connected the North Bay to San Francisco. It was one of the more desirable neighborhoods in the city, and it took several trips around the block to find a parking space.

"You must make more than I do if you can afford this," Max said as they got out of the car.

"The building is under rent control, so the apartment is a steal. My friend, who's a realtor, is trying to get me in before it gets listed as a rental."

"I hope your apartment comes with a garage," he said as he squeezed the sedan into a narrow spot.

"It does. I would go crazy looking for parking every night."

He followed her up the stairs to the third floor. The apartment door was open, and they stepped inside. The living room was completely empty, but the hardwood floors glistened in the sunlight. Everything was clean and freshly painted, and Max felt an oddly immediate sense of welcome. Even completely empty, this place had far more charm than the apartment he lived in.

An attractive redhead greeted Emma with a big smile, and the two embraced. Emma was definitely a friendly, popular woman. He'd never spent a lot of time cultivating friendships. He'd had a few close friends when he was young and in school, but he'd left most of those behind when he'd gone to college. When he'd decided to become a cop, he'd put all his time and energy into making that happen.

Emma motioned him over. "I want to introduce you to my good friend, Alicia Connors," she said. "This is Max Harrison, he's an inspector with the SFPD."

Alicia gave him a friendly smile. She was a pretty woman with her red hair, brown eyes and light dusting of freckles on her nose. She wore a slim-fitting black dress under a black jacket and her high heels made her a few inches taller than Emma.

"It's nice to meet you," Alicia said, extending her hand.

"You, too," he said, shaking her hand.

Alicia turned to Emma. "Sorry to drag you away from work, but I'm so glad you could make it. This apartment is amazing. If I didn't have a lease, I'd move in here myself. But if you want it, you're going to have to decide today. The owner is putting it up for lease tomorrow. He's doing me a favor by letting me show it to you today. I told him you would be an awesome tenant, and he said he'd met your dad once and liked him very much."

"The Jack Callaway magic strikes again," Emma said lightly.

Max thought there was a bit of a strain in her voice, and he wondered if Jack's shadow was sometimes a little too long for Emma. She liked her achievements to be her own. She had a lot of pride. He hoped she wouldn't let it get in the way. The apartment was better than any he'd seen when he'd been looking for a place to live.

Emma straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin, as if she'd just come to that decision. "I can move fast," she said. "Let's check it out."

"Good. Now I know you're not much of a cook, but let me show you the kitchen."

As the women moved into the adjacent kitchen, Max walked to the window and gazed out at the amazing view. He could see the Marina greens, a large grassy area that edged the bay and sat adjacent to the San Francisco Yacht Club. In the distance was the Golden Gate Bridge and Alcatraz Island with its famous prison.

The sight of that prison reminded him that he needed to check in with Spencer. He hoped Spencer's second day of freedom would be better than the first.

Emma came to his side. "What a view! It's so beautiful. Look at the water and the boats."

"It's very cool," he said. But as he glanced at her face, he didn't think the view could hold a candle to Emma. Her blonde hair shimmered in the sunlight, and her blue eyes sparkled with happiness. Desire ran through him. His gut clenched with a feeling of hunger, but it wasn't food he needed—it was Emma.

She was so pretty, her eyes framed by long, black lashes, her skin a pretty pink, her soft lips parted in wonder. Something inside of him shifted. His heart was beating too fast and out of rhythm. His breath seemed caught in his chest and there was a knot growing in his throat. He wanted to put his arm around her. He wanted to pull her close and soak up some of her happiness with one long kiss. He wanted her light to wash over him and pull him out of the darkness that had surrounded him for so long.

But what he didn't want was to be the one to pull her out of the light. He didn't know how to be as happy and as free spirited as she was. He was practical and cynical and while she saw the good in people, he saw the bad.

"I'm going to check out the bedroom," Emma said, oblivious to his wandering thoughts. "Are you coming?"

"I'll be there in a second."

As she walked away, he let out the breath he'd been holding and told himself to get a grip. Following her into what would be her bedroom was probably not the wisest idea, but he couldn't seem to stop himself.

Like the living room, the bedroom was large, spacious and very bright. The windows in this room showed a different side of the city, the tall, towering skyscrapers of downtown San Francisco. There was a walk-in closet and an oversized bathroom that Emma and Alicia were currently exploring. He could hear Emma exalting the size of the tub, and his thoughts instantly pictured her in a big tub filled with soapy bubbles swirling around her breasts—breasts that he hadn't seen yet but that he could imagine were as soft and pretty and pink as the rest of her.

Damn! He dragged his gaze away from the bathroom door, and tried to think about something else. But as he looked around the empty bedroom, his mind decorated the room with a king-sized bed and big, fluffy pillows, because instinctively he knew that Emma was a pillow-kind of girl. He could see dark wood nightstands and maybe on the wall a big screen television.

Emma might not want the television, but if she wasn't alone, if say, someone like him was in bed with her…

He blew out a breath. He was losing his mind.

This was going to be Emma's place, not his. They weren't going to spend time here together.

And if they were sharing a bed, he sure as hell wouldn't be watching television. He'd be exploring every inch of her body with his hands and his mouth.

Heat shot through him. Shit! He was getting turned on by an empty apartment. What the hell was wrong with him?

He obviously needed to find a woman and roll around in the sheets for a few hours. And that woman wouldn't be Emma. She couldn't be Emma.

Emma was a long-term, commitment-kind-of-woman, and he was not interested in tying himself to anyone for life. He'd seen love destroy every person in his family. He didn't intend to be another casualty.

"What do you think?" Emma asked.

He started at the sound of her voice. He realized both Emma and Alicia were waiting for an answer to some question. "What?"

"The apartment? Do you love it?" Emma asked.

"It's great."

"I think so, too. It doesn't feel like an apartment; it feels like a home. And I love all the light. I hate dark, shadowy rooms."

And dark, shadowy rooms were where he felt most comfortable.

"I'm going to take it," Emma said. "The rent is more than I wanted to pay, but what the heck? I'm starting a new chapter in my life, and I want it to be amazing, so I should have an amazing place."

"You won't find a better price for this size apartment in this location," Alicia reminded her.

"I'll do it," Emma said. "Where do I sign?"

"I have the application. Why don't we go into the kitchen and you can use the counter to fill it out?"

"Do you mind waiting a few more minutes, Max?" Emma asked as they walked into the hall.

"Not at all, but I need to make some calls. I'll meet you at the car."

"Okay. I'll be quick, I promise."

"Take your time." He could use a breather from Emma. He needed to refocus his priorities and stop picturing himself having sex with her. She was his colleague, not his lover, and he couldn't forget that.

* * *

"So tell me about Max," Alicia said as Emma filled out the paperwork.

"He's a detective. We're working together on a case. That's all," she said firmly.

Alicia laughed and gave her a knowing smile. "Are you trying to convince me or yourself?"

"Maybe both of us," she admitted.

"Really?"

"I like him. I'm attracted to him, but..."

"But what? What's the problem? Is he married? Is he with someone else?"

"No, but we drive each other crazy. We argue all the time. I'm an optimist. He's a pessimist. We're both stubborn and competitive, and we each like to win. I don't want a relationship that's a battle zone."

"It could be fun. He's hot, Emma."

"Believe me, I've noticed."

"And he has noticed you. He couldn't keep his eyes off of you. I think he was picturing you both doing some very naughty things in this apartment."

Emma blushed. "Stop. He was thinking no such thing." Despite her denial, her body tingled at the thought of Max and her doing naughty things in the apartment. While living in her parents' house had been a welcome refuge for a few months, she was ready to be on her own again.

She cleared her throat and focused on the paperwork. "What do you think my chances are of getting this place?"

"Very good. As long as your credit checks out, you should be good."

"That shouldn't be a problem," Emma said.

"I hope to have an answer tomorrow morning. How soon do you want to move in?"

"As soon as possible." She was excited at the thought of decorating her own place. "I have some furniture in storage, not a lot, but it's a start."

"Do you think one of your brothers will help you move?"

"I hope so. There's usually someone around."

"How's Drew doing? I haven't seen him in a while."

"He's fine, although we did have a weird conversation the other day. Drew thought he saw a woman who's supposed to be dead. He was freaked out about it. Which was odd, because Drew never gets freaked out about stuff." She paused, tilting her head as she considered the very curious look in Alicia's eyes. "Wait. Do you like Drew?"

"We've gone out a few times," Alicia admitted.

"You never told me that. When did that happen?"

"A few weeks ago. I was going to tell you, but it ended as quickly as it started. We went out twice, and then Drew stopped calling. I don't know what happened. Then we ran into each other and had an awkward conversation, and he said he had some stuff to sort through, but it was nothing personal."

"I'm sure it felt personal." Emma gave Alicia a sympathetic smile. She'd seen her brothers break more than a few hearts over the years, but for the most part they'd stayed away from her friends. "Maybe the stuff he has to sort through has to do with this woman he saw."

Alicia nodded. "He seemed very distracted. I wish he would have just told me what was going on."

"Drew doesn't talk much," Emma said. "He was in the Navy for eight years, and he has never shared that part of his life with me. Even now, I get very little information from him. I'm sorry if he hurt you, Alicia."

"He didn't hurt me. Like I said, we only went out a couple of times. I just think he's a good guy."

"He is a good guy. Maybe he'll call you again when he gets things sorted out in his head."

"Well, I won't hold my breath," Alicia said dryly. "I've been blown off before, and I've never seen anyone come back. But it's fine. Don't worry about it."

Emma didn't believe her. "We should get drinks or dinner one night. Or maybe I'll have you over here for dinner," she said with a smile as she handed over the application. "And I won't cook. We'll get take-out and catch up."

"Sounds like a plan. I'll call you tomorrow as soon as I hear. I feel very good about your chances, Emma."

"I do, too," she said, glancing around the room. "This place already feels like home, and I am so ready to start my life over again."

They walked down the stairs together. Alicia pointed out the door to the laundry room, and showed her the garage, and then they said goodbye.

"Thanks for waiting," Emma said as she got into Max's car.

"No problem." He set down his phone and started the car.

"Where do you live, Max? I don't think I know that."

"In an apartment in Hayes Valley near Golden Gate Park. It's nothing special, definitely not as charming as the one you just looked at. The rent is good, and it's not far from work."

"Did you spend a lot of time looking for a place?"

He shook his head. "It was the first place I saw. The job came though, and I needed a place to sleep, so I didn't put a lot of thought into it. I wasn't sure at the time how long I'd be staying anyway."

"Are you sure now?" she asked.

"No. I moved back for my mom and for Spencer. Once Spencer is on his feet, I'll have to rethink my situation."

"I can't imagine why you'd choose L.A. over San Francisco. This is a great city. And you have the same job here that you had in L.A. Your family is close by. Why would you leave?" She paused. "Are you missing your friends?"

"There are a few people I miss," he conceded.

"Female people?"

He shot her a quick look. "Are we back to that question?"

"You didn't answer it before. I'm curious. You're not bad looking. You must have had a girlfriend at some point.

"Not bad looking, huh?" he echoed with a grin. "You're really good for my ego."

"You know what you look like," she retorted. "So what's the story?"

"There have been women in my life, but no relationship that lasted more than a few months. I've always worked a lot, so there wasn't much time for anything else."

"Was it really lack of time that kept you from a serious relationship?" she challenged. "Or do you prefer not to let anyone get too close?"

"You think you have me all figured out, don't you?"

"Actually, I don't have you figured out at all, and it bugs me," she admitted.

He laughed. "You are honest, Callaway, I'll give you that."

"You call me Callaway when you want to put distance between us."

"What do you want me to say, Emma?" he asked, enunciating her name.

"I don't know. It's hard to get you past cryptic."

"I thought the mystery added to my charm."

"You do have some charm when you choose to use it, which isn't often around me," she pointed out.

"Because we have a professional relationship."

The reminder didn't ring true anymore. They'd moved past purely professional a while ago, but she let his words slide. "Was it difficult for you to be a cop and have a brother who was in prison?" she asked. It was a question that had been on her mind since she'd first read about Spencer's crime.

"In the beginning, there was some talk, but after the trial it went away. My friends and fellow officers in Los Angeles didn't know Spencer. It was easy for them to forget about him."

"Probably easier if you didn't talk about him, either," she put in. "And you didn't, did you?"

"There was nothing to say."

"Did you tell your girlfriends about him?"

"Once or twice. It didn't go well. Dating the brother of a murderer wasn't very appealing. They had to wonder at some point if I was like my brother. Bad genes can run in families."

She thought about his words. "Did you ever wonder that?"

He shot her a quick look before gazing back at the road. Then he said, "No."

"Are you sure?"

"All I wondered was how love could make people so crazy. I watched the emotion destroy every single person in my family."

"There must have been a flip side, a happy beginning…"

"And a terrible ending," he said darkly.

"So you've never been in love?"

"Never have and doubt I ever will." He glanced over at her. "And don't take that as a challenge or a call to action."

She smiled, knowing that a part of her had reacted in exactly that way. Max was starting to read her a little too well. "Why would I take it as a challenge? We're just colleagues, aren't we?"

"Yes," he said. "That's all we can ever be."

Another challenge.

Fortunately or unfortunately—their conversation was over. Max pulled up in front of her office building.

"Here you go," he said.

"We'll talk later?"

"Yeah, let me know if you find any new leads."

"You, too." She shut the door and watched him drive away, feeling oddly lonely. She'd been with him since lunchtime, and for half of that time he'd annoyed her, so why did she feel like she was already missing him?

Shaking her head, she went into the building and upstairs to her office.

She spent the next hour going over her notes. Then she got on the computer. Max had already run a check on Ruth Harbough, but what about the son, Jeffrey?

She found a Jeffrey Harbough living in San Jose. He was the right age and according to Max, Jeffrey had moved to San Jose to live with his father when he was twelve. She wondered about that. Why would Ruth have let her only son live solely with his father? Had there been behavioral issues? Or had Ruth wanted more privacy—maybe so she could have a romantic relationship with a woman?

She felt guilty even thinking that. Ruth had sworn to Max that her relationship with Margaret was platonic. There was no reason not to believe her, although, it might be interesting to speak to Jeffrey. In fact, she should get Max to go with her. Max had seen a man looking into the windows of Brady's Bar. If it had been Jeffrey, Max might recognize him.

She was about to pick up her phone to call Max, when a knock at her half-open door brought her head up. She was surprised to see her older sister, Nicole, standing in the doorway.

Nicole appeared to have come from work. Her long, blond hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and she wore a cream-colored sheath dress under a black blazer that matched her black pumps. Nicole was a part-time teacher at a private college in the city, but in the past few years she'd dropped her schedule down to only two days a week, so that she would have plenty of time to work with her five-year-old son, Brandon, on his developmental skills.

As Nicole entered her office, Emma noticed the weariness in her sister's blue eyes, which wasn't unusual. Nicole was always tired. Fighting to find a cure for her child's autism, dealing with a husband whose job took him away from the house for days at a time and maintaining a job kept Nicole extremely busy. But today there was more than just exhaustion in her sister's gaze; there was pain.

Emma got to her feet. "What's wrong? Is it Brandon?"

"It's not Brandon; it's Ryan. He moved out this afternoon."

"What?" she asked in shock. Ryan and Nicole had been having problems; that was no secret. Brandon's diagnosis had torn their family apart, but she couldn't believe their marriage was over. They'd been in love since they were teenagers. She didn't want to believe that the kind of love they had could end.

"Don't make me say it again," Nicole said, sinking down into the chair in front of Emma's desk. "I haven't told anyone else yet. Mom is watching Brandon right now. I had to go to a meeting at school, and I should have gone right home to relieve her, but somehow I found myself driving over here." Her eyes filled with moisture and shame. "They're going to be so disappointed in me, Em, especially Jack. Callaways don't fail."

"They'll understand," she said, although she doubted Jack would want Nicole to give up. Her stepfather didn't quit on anything or anyone, and he expected his kids to put up the same fight. "Mom will definitely understand," she amended. "She divorced our dad. She knows that some relationships don't work."

"Our father was an a*shole. Ryan is not." Her voice broke, and her lips trembled as she said, "I thought Ryan was the love of my life. Is it me? Am I the one to blame? I know Ryan thinks so. Do you, Emma?"

Emma didn't know what to say. Nicole's life had gotten so complicated and so difficult. She couldn't begin to judge. "Why don't we go somewhere and talk this out?"

"Do you have time?"

"For you—always. What time is Mom expecting you home?"

"Not for another hour. I cut my meeting short. I lied and said I wasn't feeling well."

"I don't think that was really a lie." Nicole had been a warrior mom the last few years, fighting with every ounce of strength that she had, but right now she didn't see that fierce determination anywhere.

Emma grabbed her bag from under her desk and stood up. "Let's go."

"Where?"

"Wherever they serve really big drinks."