They kept their voices down, more from habit than fear of disturbing anyone else in the empty church, but it was a long-ingrained behavior neither one of them could break. Sitting in the pew next to Connor, Kane felt like he was a little kid again, edging his brother with a few well placed kicks to get Connor to move down to give him more room. The Morgans once took up an entire pew, slowly filling out to two and then three when the boys reached their full breadth. Now their schedules made it hard to attend, but their parents still had a few offspring sitting beside them in the back of the church, as if they still ran the risk of their father taking them outside for misbehaving.
“I saw your car parked across the street,” Connor said, leaning forward to rest his forearms on the pew in front of them. “I was heading up to the house, and thought I’d stop in to see what you were up to.”
Kane grumbled and shoved Connor’s shoulder with his fist. “Nice of you to stop by, now go on to Mom and Dad’s.”
“Did you call Mom to tell her you weren’t coming to dinner?”
“She wasn’t home. I left a message,” Kane replied. “Things got… fucked up. I don’t want to leave Miki alone for too long. I’ve got a couple of uniforms in front of the house right now, but I’ve got to head back.”
“So you came here?” Connor swept his hand in front of him, waving at the church’s Irish-influenced interior. “Thought you and God weren’t on speaking terms.”
“God and I are good.” He snorted. “It’s me and the Church that’s got some problems. Doesn’t mean I’m not Catholic. Just means they’ve got to get their shit together a bit. Not like I came here for the cookies and juice.”
“True, they suck,” his older brother murmured. “Yeah, I guess if Mom and Dad still love you, I’m pretty sure God’s okay with you too.”
Resigned to his brother’s company, Kane shoved his hands in his pockets and gave Connor a sidelong look. “Okay, tell me the real reason you’re here. Mom sent you to hunt me down, didn’t she?”
“Nope.” Connor winked at his younger brother. “I really stopped because I was worried about you. Last time I saw you, you were wrapped up tight around that kid I left you with. Now, I find you here looking for God. You don’t think I’d be worried?”
“I’m okay, dude,” Kane reassured him. “I just needed some thinking time. And Miki’s not a kid. He’s only a few years younger than me.”
“Looks like he just rolled out of high school. You sure he’s old enough to buy booze?” The man rumbled as he spoke, and Kane smirked, recalling when his brother’s voice squeaked and jerked down as he shot up in height. Kane soon followed, their gawky bodies stumbling over their growing feet and slamming into walls that suddenly seemed to narrow in on them. He’d been a bit jealous that Connor outstripped him in bulk, always the older and bigger brother, but with his brother sitting next to him, Kane found an odd comfort in his brother’s mass.
“Yeah, he’s old enough,” Kane replied. “Old enough for a lot of things, but that’s… kind of the problem.”
“Talk to me, K.” Connor turned his head to look at his younger brother. “You can tell me what’s bugging you.”
Kane knew he could. While he’d been close to Quinn, it’d been Connor he turned to when things went to shit. His big brother was the rock in his life, the person he bounced his insanity off of before he had to trot out his problems to his parents. Even from a young age, Connor had been serious, a stalwart and calming influence on everyone around him. He’d been the one to lead the charge when the Morgan boys finally had enough of the Delany clan’s bullying.
Connor also took the blame when Kane knocked out five of Mike Delany’s teeth and broke his jaw enough that it had to be wired shut. He’d been set to cleaning out the garage and basement for punishment, only nodding in silent thanks when Kane and Quinn joined in to help.
“It’s your Miki, huh?” Connor grunted and settled back besides his brother. “He seemed nice. Stubborn. Kind of fragile but okay.”
“He’s… strong and… yeah, stubborn.” Kane couldn’t stop his smile and bashfully ducked his head when Connor teasingly poked him in the ribs. “There’s just so much crap he’s lived through. It’s fucking hell to deal with, and I feel like shit saying that.”
“Why?” his brother asked. “Just you and me here, dude. You can say anything you want.”
Kane lifted his chin up and stared down at the rows of pews. Sifting through the tangle of thoughts clouding his mind, he settled on the first thing surfacing amid the noise.
“I’m scared to love him. He… fucking scares me so much.” He shook his head, unable to find the ends to the shattered emotions inside of him. “He’s really screwed up, Con. There’s nothing inside of him to build on. He’s got a fucking dead best friend who’s the closest thing to family he’s ever had, and now there’s these two assholes who raped him when he was a kid standing in front of him like vengeful ghosts. He left those guys behind, and here they are again… one’s dead and the other’s probably a stiff too, but it’s like they’re alive and walking around him. I’m scared to touch him. I’m fucking scared to want him because all I can think about is if he’ll feel them on him when I touch him.”