I nodded and took a sip. It was so strong it was almost poisonous, yet it was exactly what I needed. “I did. Are you going to start an Ellie museum or something?”
I thought that would get a reaction out of him. No such luck. “Glad you’re looking a little more … elegant for our expedition today.”
My body jerked. “Expedition?” I couldn’t be meeting Travis, I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready and there was no plan. The thought of seeing him after all these years, never mind the fact that I was supposed to help kill him – an idea that, despite everything, left my heart feeling numb – nearly brought me to my knees.
He raised his brows, still so very expressive. “Don’t worry, my angel, we’re just scoping things out, as you say. I would not throw you in the pool without a noodle.”
I frowned at that phrase, ignoring the tiny twang in my brain that reminded me of how charming I used to find his lapses in the English language, and said, “So what is the plan then? Where’s my … noodle?”
He smiled, too wide for his damn face. “You made a joke? You must be liking it here then.”
“Don’t flatter yourself and get to the point.”
He stroked his chin in one smooth sweep. “Ah. We’re going to take a look at some things.”
“And?”
“That is all.”
At that, the toast in the toaster popped with a loud bang and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Unfortunately, Javier noticed this.
“You seem nervous,” he commented. And to make matters worse, he got out of his chair and took a step toward me. I flattened up against the counter wondering if a coffee pot to the head would be my way out of this. Then he stopped a few feet back, close enough for me to smell his earthy cologne, close enough to grab me if he wanted to, but not close enough to be doing anything wrong. He was good at that, skirting the line between coincidence and intent.
I looked at the toast, sitting just out of reach. To get it I’d have to turn around and I didn’t want my back to him. I could almost imagine his breath at my neck and that wasn’t a good thing.
He smiled softly, following my eyes, then leaned over and plucked the toast out of the toaster, dropping it on my plate. He almost handed the plate to me and then stopped.
“Would you like honey with that?” he said, his eyes blazing into me like the aforementioned sweet.
I managed to shake my head, aware that I wasn’t really breathing. Just go, please, I thought, a strange kind of desperation running through me, that fear I couldn’t place.
Ever observant, he picked up on this.
“You’re trembling,” he said, voice low and smooth and far too familiar to my liking. “Are you afraid, Ellie?”
I could pretend I wasn’t. But Javier liked to make people feel the emotions he thought they should be feeling. In layman’s terms, if I lied, he’d make me afraid.
“Yes, I’m afraid,” I said, averting my eyes. I didn’t want to see his reaction, not the real one deep inside where his soul used to be.
“Of me?”
I nodded, keeping my attention focused on the fridge, the clean chrome, the lack of magnets and calendars and take-out menus. The things that used to be there. Life.
“Why are you afraid of me, Ellie?”
If I told him the truth, that I really didn’t know, he’d make it into something it wasn’t.
“Are you going to kill me?”
His head twitched in surprise. “Is that really what you think?’
I honestly didn’t know, not anymore. I knew he’d keep me around for as long as he needed me but I had no idea what it all meant when this was over. He hadn’t promised me my life yet.
“Other than the fact that you’re an asshole, yes.”
He didn’t seem to get it. “I’m doing this for you,” he said quietly.
“I thought it was for your so-called morals. Your score?” I noticed that the plate in his hand was shaking ever so slightly. Something was happening.
Then it was gone. He swallowed hard. “I guess it’s that then. Either way, I’m not hurting you.”
No, I thought, just Camden and me if I don’t do what you say.
“You did in the car,” I blurted out.
“I did?”
“You grabbed my wrist …”
He was truly puzzled. I was starting to feel like an idiot for having no control of my mouth. So much for being tough as nails.
“Then I am sorry. I didn’t realize you were so delicate. I knew that Eden wouldn’t mind that sort of thing. I could bite her hard enough to draw blood and she liked it.”
He was standing too close to me to be saying those words. I took the plate out of his hand finally, for some action to take, to ignore what he was saying and the visual I had of the two of us, younger and in throws of uninhibited passion.
“That was different,” I managed to say when I found my voice. “I wasn’t the same person back then.”
Javier nodded, his eyes fastened to every inch of my face. “Neither was I. One must wonder if we changed for the better, hmmm?”
“I’d say we barely crawled out of a burning wreckage alive.”
His brows knit together delicately. “I’d say we evolved. We grew stronger.”