I wanted to clench my hands into to fists and shake them at the sky screaming, “Why God, why?” in full melodramatic glory.
But I was at work. And that sort of psychotic behavior just wouldn’t do. So I plastered the fakest of fake smiles on my face and shook my head, as if to swipe all the lingering cobwebs away.
I gave Theo my best smile and even incorporated a little eyelash batting for good measure. “I’m just tired,” I excused.
“You do look a little tense. Is there anything I can do? I give one heck of a massage,” Theo offered, giving me a timid smile. He really was such a sweet guy. Why oh why couldn’t I be hopelessly attracted to him? Why couldn’t I rip his clothes off and have my wicked way with him?
I had felt I had been on the cusp of feeling something towards him. I had been feeling the tingles in all the right places. I had been indulging in the semi-regular fantasy that included him walking into my office, sweeping everything off my desk in a total alpha gesture, ripping my panties off and fucking me senseless on top of the gala budget plan.
Things had been progressing. At least in my head.
But now Cole was back in town. And all of my fantasies, all of my tingles had fizzled into non-existence.
Damn it! I felt like I was back at square freaking one!
“Thanks, Theo. I’m sure I’ll be fine with a good night’s sleep,” I said, brushing off his shyly sexual offer.
Theo looked down at the table and I had the sense he was feeling a tad rejected. I wish he would stop making me feel so guilty. It was starting to tick me off.
“Well, I’m here. You know if you need to talk, or whatever,” he stumbled.
I smiled. Not knowing what else to say. I hated dangling precariously like this on the edge of indecision. I wish I were firm enough in my resolve to be rid of Cole that I could move forward with Theo, no questions. No doubts.
And while Cole was hundreds of miles away, it was easier to work towards that. But now that I knew he was here in Bakersville, even if I hadn’t even seen him yet, I felt like he was pulling me back into his tractor beam. How could one person hold so much sway over another? It didn’t’ seem right. In fact it was downright cruel.
“Thanks, Theo. You’re such a good friend.” I patted his hand and almost cringed at my word choice.
Theo tried to play down his own wince. I had friend zoned him. Why had I done that? Did I want to do that? Why couldn’t I figure out what was going on in my own damn head?
“Well, I try to be,” Theo answered and I hated the look of disappointment on his face. One that I had put there.
I was such a damn fool.
“Make it a double, Dina!” I called out, tapping my fingers on the bar. I turned in my stool and looked out at the crowded restaurant. Barton’s was packed for a Tuesday night. But it was Ladies’ Night and women drank half price until closing. Most of Rinard College’s legal aged drinkers were crammed into the space. The girls looking to get wasted and the guys hoping to take them home.
I remembered that particular mating ritual well.
After Theo had left, I had tried to get my head into my workday. I ended up checking my email a half a dozen times and then mindlessly filing. My mind was on anything but work.
It was annoying.
So when Gracie had called and asked if I wanted to meet her at Barton’s for dinner I had agreed, mostly because I couldn’t take going home and drive myself crazy over thoughts of what Cole was doing.
But there was also a part of me that was much bigger than I wanted it to be that hoped to run into him there.
Though I should have known, given the state of his relationship with the rest of Generation Rejects, Barton’s was the last place he’d show up.