“How can you say something like that? During a time like that? Are you stupid as well as narcissistic?”
I was so confused. Weren’t those three little words what every woman longed to hear?
I wanted to tell her so I did. I thought she’d be overjoyed. I thought it would bring us closer.
I sure as shit hadn’t expected her to kick me out.
Because that’s exactly what she was doing.
“You need to leave. I can’t deal with you right now.”
What?
“Hold up! Vivian, calm down a sec,” I started but she was shaking her head furiously. And then she was getting dressed and covering the body that I had just worshipped and adored.
“No, you can’t come in here being all sugary and wonderful. You can’t sweet talk me and tear me down like this. And you sure as hell can’t tell me you love me while fucking me! You’re messing with my head, Cole! I can’t let you keep doing this to me!”
She was getting seriously worked up. I jumped out of bed, not worried about the fact that I was still naked and semi-hard.
I grabbed her by her upper arms to try to stop her from walking out of the room.
“I’m not messing with your head, Viv. I meant it. Okay, so maybe it was bad timing. But I love you. I really do,” I said softly, running my hand through her hair.
I didn’t often do tender but I was trying. For her I’d do just about anything.
Vivian shook her head again. What was so complicated about this? Why the fucking drama?
“This is just like you, Cole! You can’t use sex; you can’t use me, to hide from the stuff going on in your life. This has always been our problem, can’t you see that?”
“What are you talking about?” I asked. My head was starting to hurt. Vivian was giving me a headache.
“We fuck. We argue. We fuck. You do something stupid to piss me off. We fuck some more. I left you for a reason. I was fine with that. Or I was trying to be. I have a life here. And now this. Why are you doing this?” she wailed.
I got it. I really did. But just because we made things difficult didn’t mean they weren’t worth the effort.
“We’re a mess! We suck each other dry. We should end this now, once and for all, before there’s nothing left to walk away from,” Vivian appealed to me.
I shook my head, refusing to hear her. I pulled her up against me, my hand wrapping around the back of her head as I held her tight.
“If we’re a mess, then I’m ready to get dirty, baby,” I growled before I claimed her mouth.
She was mine.
It was time to remind her of that.
She was falling into me. I could feel it. I supported Vivian’s weight as her legs buckled beneath her. And we kissed and kissed like they do in those crappy chick flicks she was so damn fond of.
It was epic. This was the beginning. This is where I started to put together all of the fucked up pieces of my life. The sun was shining, the bees were buzzing, the flowers were blooming. This was some Disney princess shit going on!
Or maybe not.
“Seriously stop it or I’m going to knee you in the nuts,” she warned, pushing me away again.
Her hands were shaking. So were mine. My adrenaline was coursing and I was two seconds away from throwing her over my shoulder and tossing her down on the bed. She always listened better with my hand between her legs.
“I love you, Vivian. I want to be with you!” I started to close the distance between us but she was still shoving me.
“You said that. I get it. You think you love me. Whooptie freaking Whoo.”
“No, I don’t think I love you. I know I love you!” I argued. This was not going at all how I fantasized about it in my head this morning. In between mild panic of course.
Vivian rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well pardon me if I have hard time believing that sentiment when I’m so used to fending off a hundred other girls who I’m sure you feel oh so deeply about.”
We were back to this. I should have expected it. I didn’t blame her. But it was still frustrating.