I don’t like to rely on Caleb’s money, so I have a financial advisor who invests it for me and looks after my affairs. Each month, I receive a generous stipend to supplement my income from working as a waitress.
Things were really hard at first, but it continues to get easier if I take my life and break it up into small increments. I wake up, take a shower, brush my teeth, get dressed, and go to work. I meet people and I’ve even managed to make some friends. I met Claudia and Rubio in line for a screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Claudia had been dressed as Colombia, and her boyfriend as Riff Raff. I didn’t dress up.
They’re great friends. They don’t ask me questions about my past and I don’t offer any information. Mostly, we like to hang out after work and drink pitchers of sangria outside El Gallo Negro. They serve the best chicken/seafood paella I’ve found anywhere. After we get good and sauced, we usually go see the latest movie or go back to my place and play Rock Band on my PlayStation.
My friends may not ask about my past, but they’re always interested in my present and future. They often try to set me up with their other friends, but I firmly resist. It isn’t that I don’t want a boyfriend, I do, but I’m not ready.
Caleb still fills my dreams and stars in each and every one of my fantasies. I still have the picture Reed gave me, and so, I can still imagine his face with perfect clarity as I touch myself. Sometimes soft and slow, reaching for climax like one stretches after a good nap. Sometimes, I like it fast and rough. I pinch my nipples hard and rub my clit while I push my fingers deep inside my * and play Caleb’s words in my head.
“Is that good, Pet?” he asks.
“Yes, Caleb,” I answer.
I never mention Caleb to Claudia or Rubio. My memories and fantasies are my own business, but I think Claudia can tell whenever I miss Caleb. She smiles and reaches for my hand. She reminds me I don’t have to be lonely.
I’ve been thinking about Caleb more frequently in recent months. Ever since I thought I felt his eyes on me one day outside of a café in Germany. I’d been sitting outside, typing on my laptop. Then again, I’d been writing about him.
I’ve been writing our story for over a year, every detail I can remember. I know I’m not supposed to talk about what happened with the public, but it’s occurred to me how many people want to hear my story. Why shouldn’t I be able to tell it? I’m not a complete idiot. I’ve changed all the names and locations. I’ve decided to market the book as fiction. And of course, I have a pseudonym. The important thing for me is people read it and perhaps understand why I’m still in love with the man who kept me prisoner.
I know all about James Cole. Reed can be a dick, but his heart is usually in the right place. He told me as much as he could. I’ve deduced the rest. At first, I felt gutted by everything I had learned. I had called Caleb a monster, but he’d only been doing the things he’d been taught to do.
I often think about the day he’d walked into the room, covered in dirt, smeared with blood, and devastated by whatever he’d done to get that way. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind he’d killed Rafiq. I just wish he’d known his tears had been wasted. I wonder if the reason Caleb pushed me away was because he felt guilty over what he’d done to Rafiq to save me. Perhaps, if he’d known what a true monster Rafiq was, he’d have taken me with him instead of throwing me out of his life. Then again, maybe not.
“You have that ‘lost in space’ look again,” Claudia says as she takes the seat opposite me at our table. “One day you’re going to have to tell me what that’s about. I know it has to be a boy.” She moves her eyebrows up and down.
I smile at her, “You’re late. Where’s Rubio?”
“He ran into his friend, Sebastian. I think they’ll be here in a bit.”
“Claudia,” I groan, “How many times do I have to tell you? I’m not interested in a hook up.”
“It’s not! I swear, it was a total accident. We were on our way here and they ran into each other.” She quickly pours herself a glass of sangria and starts sipping. She’s a terrible liar. “Besides, he’s gorgeous. He’s a student at EUB and he wants to be an artist. He’s good too, Rubi and I saw some of his paintings.”
“I have to go,” I say and start gathering my things. I am definitely not in the mood to deal with another ‘accidental’ blind date.
Claudia rolls her eyes and tugs me back down into my seat. “Don’t be rude, Sophia. Rubi wouldn’t set you up with a troll. Come on, stay for one pitcher.”
“So, it is a set up then!” I scowl at Claudia and she doesn’t even blush.
“Yes, okay, you got us. We’re terrible friends for wanting to see you happy.” She tosses her hands in air sarcastically.
“I am happy, Claudia. I’d be a lot happier if you guys would stop setting me up.” I cross my arms over my chest, but I know I can’t stay angry.