“How can that be?” I sob. “How can you let that happen?”
“Rafiq is a high level military officer in the Pakistan Army, Livvie. His government isn’t going to allow a scandal to get out. They’ve agreed to let our government be a part of the raid in exchange for keeping their people out of it. When the dust settles, they’re the ones to decide who was there and who wasn’t, that’s how international politics work.”
I feel like someone has hit me in the chest with a battering ram. For the second time in my life, I understand Caleb’s thirst for vengeance. I could kill. I’ve done it before and I don’t feel bad about it. Some people deserve to die.
Tears are running from my eyes without ceasing, I’m soaked through with them. I’m not sad, though. I’m filled with rage and I have no way to let it out. There’s no one to kill, nothing to hit, and nowhere to go.
“Reed,” I sob, “I have to tell you something. Please, please try to understand. I need your help.” My hands are clasped together and I’m holding them so tightly to my chest I can feel my thumb leaving a bruise.
Reed scrubs his hands over his face, “Please don’t tell me something incriminating, Miss Ruiz. There’s nothing I can do right now and if I have to put you back under arrest, it’s going to seriously put a shitty end to an already shitty day. All I have is my integrity. Don’t make me choose between it and you.”
“Please, Reed! I have to tell you the rest of my story,” I plead. It’s the most important part, the part I’ve been saving until I knew I could trust Reed. I just hope I’m not too late.
“I’ve heard all I need to know. My job was to investigate the border incident. You’ve been cleared of charges. My job was to locate the auction – done. I did my job. I came here to tell you you’re free to go and I was willing to listen to the rest of your story if it would give you closure, but if you’re just going to incriminate yourself, I don’t want to hear it. If I hear it, I’ll act on it. Do you understand?”
Reed is angry, but I don’t care. Caleb is too important. He’s sacrificed so much for me, even to the point of protecting me from myself. I would have followed him anywhere, done anything he asked of me, but he’d cared enough not to let me. For all I knew, he would be at the auction, trying to kill Vladek and getting himself killed in the process. It was my turn to save him.
“Please,” I beg, “you have to help him. If you arrest him, I know he’ll live. There’s no telling what will happen to him if he’s in Pakistan. You said it yourself, Rafiq has a lot of power over there. Please! Please, Reed! Help him.”
Reed stands deadly still, but his chest rises and falls harshly with each breath. “Are you telling me Caleb is alive?” Reed hisses.
My heart is racing. “No. Not yet. But if he were? Could you help him?”
“Goddamn it, Livvie!” Reed kicks the chair, “You lied to me!”
“Maybe! Maybe, I did,” I plead. I don’t know if wording things hypothetically changes anything, but I have to try. I have to know if Reed can help me. I have to know if he will. “I needed time and you weren’t giving me any,” I sob, “You came in here, asking me all kinds of questions and calling me a fucking terrorist. What was I supposed to do?”
“You were supposed to tell me the truth! That was the deal. You tell me the truth and I help you,” Reed says and resumes pacing.
“I did tell you the truth! I told you everything you needed to know. I helped you find the auction, but here you are – telling me there’s no justice! So who’s the liar, Reed?” I cry.
Reed turns and glares at me. He looks a lot of things: angry, exhausted, and sad. Finally, he looks away and collapses into the chair.
“Reed?” I hedge closer.
“There’s nothing I can do, Livvie. The team is already on its way and the FIA is calling the shots,” he says.
His words play in a loop in my head until they’re reduced to their true meaning: I’ll never see Caleb again. I feel dead inside. Empty. Hollow. Vivisected.
“There…has to be something,” I croak.
Reed shakes his head.
In my head, I can hear myself screaming. I can see myself clawing at my skin and tearing at my hair. In reality, I’m motionless, no tears, no screams, no flesh being torn from my bones.
Reed is silent. He can’t help me. No one can.
My thoughts turn to Caleb and the last days we spent together.
***
Caleb had been gone for hours. I sat on the floor, next to his gun, waiting for something to happen, anything to happen. Several times, I thought about leaving the room and searching for him, but kept talking myself out of it. Caleb had said to wait. I waited.