Caleb shook his head. He couldn’t think about that.
He looked around the room and saw it was empty; Felipe was gone. Caleb had gone toward him with his knife, intent on killing him, but his anger had made him sloppy and Felipe had struck him with the gun. The fact he didn’t shoot Caleb only gave him more credibility.
Caleb wished he’d pulled the trigger, but he knew why Felipe had left him alive. He wanted Caleb to find Rafiq.
No! I can’t.
He hunched over, the pain was too much to bear. There was no way he could possibly survive this betrayal. His entire life had been a lie. He had not been abandoned. He had not been rescued. He’d been taken from a mother who loved him and had tried to protect him by running away from Vladek. He’d been kidnapped by the only real father he’d ever known.
Rafiq.
Rafiq had cared for him. He’d taught him how to read, how to speak five languages. Rafiq had stayed up late and spoken with Caleb because he’d known about the nightmares Caleb used to have when he went to bed alone. He’d taught him how to defend himself. And the entire time….
He knew what he’d done to me. He listened to me recount the way Narweh used to rape me. He’d held me when I cried.
Caleb screamed toward the ground.
I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you for what you’ve done.
“How could you?” he said aloud.
He must laugh at me.
An image of Rafiq and Jair popped into his mind. Their entire relationship had been suspect until that moment. If Rafiq was concerned about Caleb learning the truth, it made sense to have someone around to watch Caleb. He wondered if Jair knew the truth and bile crept into his throat.
Kill them both.
Slowly, Caleb stood from his balled position on the floor. He looked around him and picked up his knife. As he held it in his hand, he shook with rage. Things would end tonight.
He trudged up the stairs, his bare feet slapping against the wood steps. His heart felt both fast and shallow. He had hungered for vengeance for so many years, never knowing the source of all his suffering had held his hand and pointed him toward his own father.
Vladek was not without guilt. He’d known what Rafiq did to him and still had not come for him. He had sacrificed his own flesh and blood for the sake of what? Money? Power? Cowardice?
Caleb had been a pawn since he was a child. Nothing he knew could be trusted, even his memories manipulated him. There was no such thing as truth. The truth relied heavily on perception and Caleb’s had been fucked with since the beginning.
The door was open at the top of the stairs. Caleb didn’t hear any sounds within the house. He suspected Felipe and Celia were long gone. He wondered if they had taken Livvie.
Livvie….
Caleb shut his eyes tight and forced her from his thoughts. He couldn’t think about her. If he went upstairs and found her missing, he would lose any composure he had left. If he found her waiting for him with Felipe and Celia, he risked showing a side of himself he didn’t want her to see. And if he found her hurt…or worse…he would simply turn the knife on himself and Rafiq would live. It was best he didn’t know. Not yet.
Felipe’s home was enormous, filled with many rooms and hiding spaces. He walked slowly, testing each door as quietly as possible. As he walked, his memories wreaked havoc on his soul.
“Why me, Rafiq? I’m no one. I don’t even know who Vladek is,” Caleb said. He sat on the floor with his legs pulled up toward his chest. It was almost time for bed, but he didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to risk having another nightmare.
Lately, he’d been dreaming about the night he killed Narweh. Caleb had shot him and his face was half gone, but Narweh didn’t die. He sat up and jumped on top of Caleb, his open face dripping a river of blood onto Caleb’s.
He could never go back to sleep after that.
Rafiq sat at his desk, writing. “Men like Vladek have no reason for their callousness, Caleb. They see something, or someone, they like and they take it. A’noud was beautiful.” Rafiq paused and smiled. “She was sweet. She used to wrap her arms around me and refuse to let go unless I spun her around. My mother used to complain she’d never find a husband because she’d never want to be away from me.” Rafiq’s gaze was distant, as though he were reliving a fond memory.
Caleb looked toward the imaginary spot containing Rafiq’s memory of his sister and he wished he had one of his own.
“Do you miss her?” Caleb asked in a whisper.
Rafiq’s expression turned grim and he returned to his papers, “Much of the time. My hope is that once Vladek is dead, I can give my sister and mother some peace.”
Caleb nodded. “Do you think…? Nevermind.” Caleb pulled at the rug with his fingernails, at a loss for what to say.