"Pop." I turned toward him, set the pitchfork up against the side of the wall. "What are you talking about? Me and June, we're not anything."
He looked at me, his gaze unyielding. "Son, you and June have always been something. You've been something since the day you met. Now, I stood by and watched you throw everything away, push away everyone who loved and cared about you, when you ran off to California with the biker gang."
"Pop, I - "
He held up a hand. "Son, you're going to let me finish. I've been wanting to say this for some time now, and I'm going to say it. Now, I was right proud of you when you became a Marine. I was bursting with pride when you got the Silver Star. And I thought about what you said, about not really wanting to know what you did, being a sniper."
"I don't want to hear about how disappointed you are, dad. I've heard it enough."
"Cade Austin," he said, his voice clipped. "Let me finish."
I knew my dad meant business when he got that tone. But as much as I didn't want a lecture from him about how I was ruining my life, I also knew better than to just walk away. No matter how much I wanted to.
"You were right about me not really knowing what you did. I didn't want to think about how those deployments affected you." He kicked the hay on the floor around absently, looking down at his dusty boot. "I liked having you be a Marine, someone I could be proud of. But that was selfish. I didn't see the wear on you, not back then."
I swallowed hard. My dad was a man of few words. He never talked like this.
"When you got out, when you came back home for a couple weeks, your mother saw it. She said you were hurting. But I refused to think that way. I just couldn't see it."
"I was fine, dad." But I wasn't. I hadn't been fine in a long time.
"I'm a stubborn old man," he said. "I was wrong. Your mother was right. When you left to go to California, to work at the warehouse, I thought it was for the best. I thought it would be a fresh start for you."
I dropped my eyes to the floor. Here comes the guilt trip, the talk about the MC, I thought.
"I was angry when you joined the MC, couldn't see how you didn't understand you were throwing your life away. Now, I know - "
I laughed. "Now you see that I'm throwing everything away? Sorry to disappoint you, dad. I'm not the prodigal son you'd hoped for."
"No, you're not a prodigal son," he said. "You're just my son. You always have been, and you always will be. That's true, whether you're in the biker gang or you're not."
I hadn't cried in years, but I felt a lump in my throat. I cleared my throat, not able to look up and meet his gaze. "Okay."
"I know I've not been the best father," he said. "And I'm no good with words. Expressing things has never been my strong suit. Your mother complained about that fact until the day she died. But I do hope you know that I love you, Cade."
Jesus, I wasn't about to start crying here.
I cleared my throat again. "I love you too, dad."
My dad nodded, his eyes reddening. Then he coughed. "All this hay in here," he explained. "It's making my eyes water."
"Yeah, mine too," I said.
My dad was silent for a few minutes before he finally spoke again. "Now, I got one more thing to say, and I'm done saying my piece. And you're going to stand there and listen to me."
Oh, hell. We were about to go back to talking about June again.
"Now, that girl over there, I don't know what's going on with you -"
"Nothing," I said. "Nothing, dad."
"It's not 'nothing'. She loves you," he said.
"Dad, June doesn't love - "
"That girl loves you," he interrupted. "And you love her. I've seen the way you two have looked at each other since you got back here. You might not care to admit it, but it's true. The two of you have loved each other since you were kids."
"She doesn't need me. She doesn't need my shit," I said. Trying to convince myself.
He shook his head. "No, she doesn't need your bullshit. But the rest of it, well, June's a big girl, and she can handle herself."
"I'm leaving here anyway. Crunch and I can't stay. And June - there's just no point, dad."
"You tell yourself what you want. You want to continue intent on self-destruction, well, it pains me to see it, but I won't stop you. But at least be honest with yourself about what you're doing. You walk away from her, it's not about protecting her. It's about protecting yourself." My dad turned, heading toward the barn door. "Make sure you get that stall in the corner. Crunch is up in the house. I'm going to go put together some lunch."
I watched him walk away.
That girl loves you.
Maybe that was true, but love wasn't really enough. Life wasn't a fucking fairy tale, and sometimes, love didn't really conquer all.
Crunch looked up from his computer when I came inside, a smug smile on his face. "You've been gone a while, Axe," he said.
"I don't want to hear about it."
He grinned, not realizing how irritated I already was. "April and I had a bet on how long it would take for the two of you to get together."