Saved by the Bride

chapter Twenty

Finn sat in the Kylemore office wondering how Olivia had managed to completely screw up his spreadsheet for the third time in as many days. He’d specifically gone through the steps with her and she’d crossed her heart, telling him that she now understood. Obviously, she hadn’t understood at all.

He rubbed the back of his neck and groaned. It was lucky for Olivia that it was two o’clock and she was now safely back at Sven’s, waitressing.

You never had this problem with Annika.

God, he missed her. He missed her organization in the office and her body in bed.

You miss more than that.

He refused to acknowledge the thought. Damn it, if she hadn’t gone and broken their contract of “summer fun” by falling in love with him, she’d still be here on this sunny afternoon, he wouldn’t be fixing a spreadsheet and they’d be out on the boat, or sitting in the glider seat or making love in the little cove on the far end of the island. But she’d ruined everything.

The expression on her face when she’d said, “My bad,” still haunted him—beautiful and sad. He’d hated that he couldn’t tell her that he loved her back, but he didn’t love her. He’d loved being with her but that was a long way from love. He didn’t do love.

Despite Annika saying she loved him, he wasn’t certain she was ready to love anyone until she started valuing herself and her talents. He hated not seeing her reach her potential and if anything good had come out of this mess, it had been that she’d left Whitetail. Perhaps now she could truly start over.

Keep telling yourself that. He pulled his concentration back to the figures, glad to have work. Reliable and dependable work, where problems were solved by logic and reason and not tainted by the mess of feelings.

“Finn?”

He looked up to see Logan scuffing the toe of his sneaker in the doorway of the office. His little brother hadn’t done that in a long time. These days he normally just ran straight in and spun on one of the chairs. His visits ranged from delivering a message or making a request like, “can we pleeeease go to the island in the canoe,” to showing off a drawing. Today he wore a pensive expression.

“What’s up, dude?”

Logan huffed and stayed where he was.

Finn pushed back from the desk and skated his chair around closer to Logan. “That bad, huh?”

Logan’s round face wore all the signs of frustrated disappointment. “Yeah.”

“So the fish weren’t biting today?” Logan had the most amazing luck catching fish and he’d rarely been disappointed that way.

“No, I caught a walleye.” His offhand delivery would have made a keen angler despair.

Finn didn’t get it. “So what’s the problem?”

Logan’s face flushed red. “Dad says he’s not going to build the zip line!”

Memories rumbled in Finn’s gut and he took in a long breath. “Not going to build it as in not today or tomorrow?”

Logan shook his head. “Not never.”

Typical, Sean! His little brother’s words released every promise that had ever been made to him by his father and had then been summarily broken. For the first time this summer, his father was finally behaving in character. I was a lousy father to you. Cold anger burned. So much for Sean learning from his mistakes.

When Finn was a kid and had been disappointed and hurt by his father’s broken promises, he’d always gone to his grandfather. Now Logan was coming to him. Only Finn wasn’t going to allow another generation to suffer the same fate. Logan idolized Sean and he didn’t deserve to have all that love and admiration destroyed. Not like what had happened to him. He stood up. “How about you go see if Esther’s pulled those cookies out of the oven, and I’ll go talk to Dad.”

“Okay.” Logan stared up at him. “I just want to bomb into the water like you did in the picture Kathleen showed me. It looks like wicked, awesome fun.”

Finn ruffled his hair. “Me too, buddy.”

Finn found his father in the workshop making fishing lures. He hadn’t spoken to him face-to-face since the night he’d asked him to leave the island.

Sean turned around as the door hinges squeaked and surprise crossed his face followed immediately by concern. “Finnegan? Is there something wrong at the house?”

He shook his head. “No one’s sick or hurt if that’s what you mean.”

His father’s intelligent mind absorbed this bit of information. “That’s good to hear.”

Sean continued on with wrapping thread around chartreuse bucktail, attaching it to a hook as if he had all the time in the world and yet he wasn’t building a promised zip line.

Finn’s ire upped a notch. “Logan just stopped by the office.”

Sean smiled. “Told you about the walleye, did he? Damn, but that kid can catch fish.”

Finn crossed his arms. “He also told me about the zip line. Or the lack of the zip line.”

“Ah.”

“Ah? That’s all you’ve got to say? Ah? What the hell are you playing at, Sean? You told me you’d been a lousy father. Said you wanted to make amends so I took that as you having learned the basics. Rule number one is don’t make promises and then break them. That kid adores you. Don’t screw it up again.”

Sean tied the thread with a firm tug. “I don’t intend to.”

“Then build the damn zip line.”

Sean took off his glasses and laid them on the workbench. “I would, except that Hank and Bridey are on their honeymoon.”

Finn didn’t follow. “What the hell has that got to do with anything? Get a contractor in to do the job and Logan can be using the thing by the day after tomorrow.”

“Finnegan, the whole point of this zip line was that the family was going to build it together.”

He threw out his arms. “So just because Hank and Bridey are away you’ve told Logan it’s never going to be built?”

Sean laughed with affection clear on his face. “Is that what the little schemer told you?”

Finn stilled, sensing a shift in the conversation. “I asked him if the build had been postponed and he said, ‘No, never.’”

“What actually happened was that while we were out fishing, I gave him all the reasons for the delay and I told him it would happen next summer. I guess at eight that counts as never.”

“I see.” Finn swallowed hard and forced up what needed to be said. “I apologize. I should have gotten my facts right before coming down here.”

Sean gave a wry smile. “No problem. It’s a rookie mistake, Finnegan. Kids can play you especially if they think it will make things go their way.”

He thought of his teenage years. Of his anger and disappointment, and of his need for his father to notice him. “Did I play you, Dad?”

“After the divorce to protect your mother, and I understand that.” Sincerity lit up his eyes. “Listen, I’m just glad you and Logan are enjoying spending time together, and I’m even more pleased that you stormed down here to avenge his disappointment and fight the fight for him. It’s very brotherly of you, Finnegan. Logan’s fortunate to have you.”

And this was the side of Sean that confused the hell out of him because he couldn’t stick it into any of the boxes he’d made for Sean years ago and continued to use. “Maybe.” He pushed off the doorway ready to leave.

“Of course, there’s one easy way to temper Logan’s disappointment.”

“What’s that?”

“Build the zip line with me.”

The words stopped him in his tracks and he turned slowly and stared at his father. The wily bastard had him. Again. By coming down here, guns blazing, he’d exposed his affection for Logan and now Sean was using it.

Using it to keep a promise.

He ran his hand through his hair, anticipating the same rush of “get out now” sensations that he’d experienced every other time his father had suggested they do something together. But they didn’t come. All he got was an overwhelming fatigue. Fatigue and resignation. If he walked away from this, Logan missed out. If he stayed he had to deal with his father out of a work context.

Treat it like work.

He sighed and gave in to it. “Only if Logan’s working with us too.”

Sean grinned. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

* * *

“Are you sure about this?” Annika’s mother’s face was blurry on the computer screen but it didn’t hide her concern.

“Mom, you’ve been telling me for ages to leave Whitetail.”

“When you were in Whitetail we worried about you in general but never about your safety. Darling, a road trip on your own? It’s not a good idea.”

Annika smiled reassuringly at the screen and tried a joke. “I thought you’d be happy because as part of the trip, I’m going international. To Canada. Besides, you and Dad travel all the time.”

Her mother sighed. “Yes, but we travel together and with our groups.”

“I’ll be fine, Mom. Most of the places I’m going I won’t see many people. It’s just going to be me and my sketch pad and Jet for company and protection. I need to do this for me and I’ll be back before the weather gets too cold.” She glanced at her brother and then back at the screen. “And I promise to check in with Axel every day.”

Axel leaned into the computer. “She has to, Mom, or I take my car back.”

Annika laughed. “It’s your winter car, Ax. It’s so full of rust, there’s nothing much to take back.”

He squeezed her shoulder. “Just come back happy.”

* * *

“I thought it would be ready faster.”

Logan had been “helping” Sean and Finn all morning and was desperate for the concrete to dry a thousand times quicker than it was going to take.

Finn pulled Logan’s cap down over his eyes. “Go visit Kathleen and bounce the ball on her deck.”

“Your mother and Dana have gone into Whitetail to visit two gardens that are open for the day,” Sean said. “They’ll be back for lunch.”

Finn still couldn’t quite get his head around the fact that his mother hadn’t gone home to Chicago when her ankle had healed, or directly after the wedding, but had stayed on at Kylemore for a real vacation. “Dude, how about you go up to the house and get the cooler from Esther. I could do with a drink.”

“Okay.” Logan took off running down the track back toward the house.

Sean squinted into the sun and then looked across the lake. “Hank’s got a tension line coming from the tree house. The problem’s going to be getting the pulley back when Logan lets go over the lake.”

“I guess we put a drag rope on it. Bridey and I used to take it in turns to swim it back.”

“You also liked to go right through to the second platform and leave her stranded.” Sean pulled on leather gloves.

“Did I?” Finn couldn’t remember that.

“Yep. One time I came after you and we hiked on up to the bluff.”

Finn stared at his father blankly. He couldn’t remember that either.

Sean shrugged. “I guess I deserve that you only remember the stuff I didn’t do with you, considering there was a lot more of that. Pass me that ratchet, will you?”

Finn passed it over and they worked on in silence, the summer sun making it hot work. He scanned his memories for the hike but he could only remember all the times he’d been ready to go hiking and fishing with Sean and had ended up going with his grandfather instead because his father canceled or was tied up in the office.

He looked out toward the bluff with its gray rocks and windblown pines and a memory stirred. He called out to Sean. “Did we have a picnic at the top?”

His father smiled. “We did. And then you ran down that track like a mountain goat and left me to carry the backpack you’d filled with rocks for your collection.”

Logan arrived back clutching the cooler and panting. “Mom’s back and she brought Max and we’re going swimming, bye.” He ran off.

Sean laughed and tossed a soda can to Finn before cracking one open himself. “Well, he lasted longer than I thought.”

Working with Sean on the zip line hadn’t been as bad as Finn thought it might be. In fact, there’d been moments when they’d actually shared a laugh, but he was still grappling with his father’s attempts of casual friendship combined with occasional fathering moments. It made for an odd sensation in his gut.

Finn sat down in the shade of the tree house and tried not to think of the night he and Annika had spent two wonderful hours ensconced up there.

Sean smiled. “That tree house has seen some things. You were conceived there.”

Finn groaned. “Geez, Dad, I didn’t need to know that.”

“Your mother said Annika’s in Milwaukee.”

Finn spluttered on his drink and bubbles shot up his nose at the link his father was obviously drawing. “I didn’t know that either.”

“No. I guessed you didn’t. Shame. We all liked her.”

He tried brushing the comment aside. “It was a summer thing.”

“By my reckoning there’s still a bit of summer left.”

Finn watched the condensation run down the can. “My calendar disagrees.”

Sean broke the three beats of silence. “Finnegan, I’ve been impressed with how you’ve handled AKP this summer. You had a rugged start with Jazz Juice but you handled it well and the new contract with them lies at your feet.”

“Thanks.” The compliment surprised him but he was just thankful Sean was changing the topic of conversation.

Sean nodded. “You’re a hell of a good businessman and although I’ve taught you a lot, most of the way you operate is instinctive. You don’t depend on anyone and you’re your own man. In business, that’s one hell of a good trait to have.” He sighed. “The thing is, relationships aren’t like business. They can be messy but without them life is pretty lonely. I know I didn’t lead by example relationship-wise, but I want you to know that despite everything, your mother and I did have some good times in our marriage. But we were young, too young. We handled the breakup badly and we both regret that. A relationship needs maturity to make it work.”

Finn really didn’t want to hear all of this and he tried keeping it light. “Lucky you’ve got Dana, then.”

Sean smiled. “Dana makes me happy. It’s taken me a long time to find that sort of happiness and I saw glimpses of it in you when Annika was here.”

Unease shifted in Finn and settled hard and heavy in his chest. “Now you’re just sounding old and sentimental. Unlike you I have no desire to get married. Annika and I had some fun and it’s run its course. End of story.”

His father gave him a direct look. “She loves you and that sort of commitment scares the shit out of you.”

“That’s crap.”

“You wish it was.”

* * *

The summer at Kylemore ended with a party. Bridey and Hank arrived back from their honeymoon in time for Labor Day weekend and Logan finally got to take the inaugural zip line ride. As the little boy had whooped it across the lake and then deliberately dropped into the water on the return ride, Sean had put his hand on Finn’s shoulder and said, “We did good.”

He didn’t shrug the hand away. “Yeah. I think we did.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” He’d finally admitted to himself that he’d actually enjoyed building the line. When they’d finished the project, he’d picked up the phone to call Annika, but mid-dial he’d pressed Cancel. What was he going to say after, “Dad and I built the zip line and survived” and “How are you?” She wanted more from him than he could give her.

“I had a good time, Dad, especially when you weren’t philosophizing.”

“Good.” Sean grinned. “We’ll have to try fishing next.”

Finn smiled. “You and me in a boat? Don’t push it, Dad.”

Sean winked. “It will have to be golf then.” He walked off laughing and started organizing everyone to take a zip line ride.

The afternoon passed with a great deal of fun and laughter. Everybody took a turn on the zip line, including Kathleen who’d screamed almost as loud as Bridey. Nicole and Max had been a welcome addition to the day but the biggest surprise was the arrival of a well-known curator from the Museum of Contemporary Art in Chicago, who’d come to drive Kathleen home.

Bridey had shaken her head in bewilderment as she’d slipped her arm through Finn’s. “Can you believe this summer? It’s made me so happy. What about you?”

“It’s been great getting to know Logan.”

She gave him a sideways look. “And Dad?”

He sighed, knowing she wouldn’t stop asking until he replied. “And Dad. Yes, little sister, I concede, the zip line was a good idea.”

She smiled. “I’m full of good ideas and I’ve got another one.”

He laughed. “Of course you have.”

“You should call Annika.”

He tensed. “This family might have managed to heal some wounds this summer but we’re nowhere near ready to tell each other what to do.”

She squeezed his arm. “Annika made you happy. Don’t walk away from that.”

“Take your newlywed starry eyes over to your husband and lavish your care on him and leave me in peace.”

Except peace was something that was eluding him big-time and he couldn’t wait for the busyness of the fall work quarter.

* * *

Esther was left to close up the house and everyone headed back to Chicago. Sean moved back into his office and Finn flew down to Mexico for a face-to-face with his team who’d done a sensational job without him. He’d spent two weeks there before flying to Australia and on to China and Thailand, taking meetings and networking for a planned expansion into Asia. The work was all-consuming and the tender process had taken up the month of October, leaving him no time or space to think beyond AKP Asia. There was no doubt in his mind that he thrived on projects like this. He loved the thrill of the chase and nailing down the challenges of the process but despite all of that, it hadn’t given him the total satisfaction that he’d expected. So he’d added dating into the mix but after three disastrous evenings where he’d spent more time thinking about Annika than the woman in front of him, he’d given up on that idea completely.

He wondered what she was doing. He’d been wondering that a lot. Usually at 2:00 a.m.

A knock sounded at his door and he looked up to see his secretary walking his way. “Mr. Callahan, your schedule has you blocked out next week for vacation. Are you still taking it?”

His week at the lake. The week he always took when no one was at Kylemore. No Logan to toss the ball with, no Bridey and Hank to hike with, no mint juleps on the deck with his mother, no Dana to chat with in the garden and no Sean to do a project with.

No Annika.

The idea of an empty Kylemore was suddenly unappealing. “I’m not certain I’ll go to the lake.”

“The Caribbean’s lovely at this time of year,” Lisa offered up.

Except he’d been flying around the world a lot recently and the idea of getting back on a plane held little appeal. “I’ll think on it and let you know but meanwhile don’t book in any meetings.”

She nodded and left the room, and Finn stood up feeling restless. That had been happening a lot lately. He poured himself a coffee from the pot Lisa replenished regularly so the brew was always fresh. He glanced at the clock. Two o’clock. An image of Annika in her shapeless and paint-stained T-shirt rocked into his head. Why had he thought of that?

At two o’clock she used to be in her studio.

He slammed down his coffee mug, sloshing brown liquid over the side, and picked up his phone. He was sick of unbidden thoughts and images of her coming into his head at all hours of the day and night, screwing with his concentration. To hell with it—he’d just call her. He’d talk to her, find out what she was doing and get her out of his system. Then he could return to his pre-Annika life which had been perfectly fine and ordered. He would get back that level of contentment that was eluding him.

He pressed her number on his contacts and held the phone to his ear. “The number you have dialed has been disconnected and is no longer in service. If you think you have dialed this number in error, please check the number and try again.”

He stared at his phone as if it was an alien. He hadn’t made a mistake on the numbers. He tried again and got the same message. Shit. She’d disconnected from the AKP phone. He ran his hand over the back of his neck. Of course she had. It was October. The contract with Annika’s Custom Calligraphy had been until Labor Day. But once he’d made a decision to do something, he damn well did it. It wouldn’t be hard to find her number and given how much grief his sister had aimed at him about her, he’d start there. He got Bridey’s voice mail so he tried his mother.

“Do you have Annika’s number?”

“Hello, darling, how are you?”

He ground his teeth pretty much like he’d done at fifteen but knew he’d get nowhere without going through the pleasantries. “Hello, Mom. I’m well, how are you? How’s Geoffrey?” He was still getting his head around that relationship.

“We’re both very well, darling. Thank you for asking.”

“Do you have Annika’s number?”

There was an unexpected silence on the end of the phone followed by a sigh.

“Mom?”

“I’m sorry, Finn, I don’t have it.”

“But Dad said you’d been in contact with her.”

“I had, but before her phone number changed she wrote and asked me very politely to stop. Just like she asked Bridey.” She paused. “Why do you want to contact her?”

“I don’t know.”

“Excuse me?”

God, what was he doing? He was thirty-three years old, second in charge of a global empire and he was talking to his mother about a girl. “Unfinished business.”

“If it’s AKP business then personnel may have contact details.”

“Good idea. Thanks.”

“Finn, if it’s unfinished business between the two of you then that’s a different thing entirely. I’d advise you not to call her.”

He stopped pacing. “What are you saying? That I can only contact her about work?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

“Look, I just want to know if she’s okay.”

“You broke her heart and now you want to check she’s okay? She’s not going to thank you for that.”

He plowed his hand through his hair. “Mom, I just think that if I talked to her, knew she was doing okay then I could get back on track—”

“No.” He heard the hiss of his mother sucking her breath in through her teeth. “This isn’t about you, Finn, unless...”

The pause sounded ominous. “Unless what?”

“Do you love her?”

No. Panic simmered. “Look, Mom, I know you think you’re trying to help but this is nothing about being in love and everything to do with moving forward.”

“Finn, did Annika tell you she loved you?”

His breath shuddered out of him and he hesitated. “Yes, but—”

“And you told her you didn’t love her, so by rights she is the one needing to do all the moving forward, not you. By the sheer fact you weren’t invested in the relationship you have nothing to move forward from.”

Indignation poured through him. “I was damn well invested. We had an agreement for the summer, a contract and she was the one who broke if off early.”

“She isn’t a business plan, Finnegan.”

People count, not just the bottom line. His words came back to him as did Annika’s raised brows. Finn, that isn’t a relationship! It’s a business arrangement.

Sweat broke out on his brow and he heard himself shouting. “Of course Annika isn’t a business plan. A BP is clear and concise with goals and an endpoint. Annika’s messy and demanding, in my face about Dad and anything else she thinks I should be doing. And she can’t even walk a straight line without falling over.”

“And yet you want to call her up?”

He heard a smile in his mother’s voice and he let out a ragged breath. “Yes.” It was all so damn confusing.

“Finn, relationships aren’t like work, they’re messy and unpredictable.”

“Exactly. Which is why I don’t do them.”

“Except this time you’ve done one without even realizing.”

He loosened his tie which was suddenly choking him. What was it with his family trying to push him toward her? Dude, you called your mother. “That’s nonsense.”

Kathleen continued, “Do thoughts of Annika’s arrive unannounced when you’re in meetings?”

He didn’t want to answer that but fortunately he didn’t have to because Kathleen kept talking. “How’s your appetite?”

Lousy. “I never eat much when I’m busy.”

“Okay, well tell me this. At the end of each day do you fall into bed with a sense of achievement and fulfillment or do you have a general feeling that something intangible is missing in your life?”

His mouth dried. Hell, could his mother suddenly see inside his head? He wanted to deny everything. Tell his mother she was way off course and he opened his mouth to do so.

Anything emotional scares you to death.

His stomach rolled and the floor felt unsteady under his feet. He sank into his chair. God, Annika was right. His heart pounded, sweat poured off him and he was having trouble breathing. For every relationship that he’d ended or had ended for him, he’d never felt like this. Annika knew him better than he knew himself. “Mom.”

“Yes.”

He swallowed hard. “I love her.”

The moment he’d uttered the words his panic subsided. He loved her. Loved the way she made him laugh, the infuriating way she made him own up to his foibles, and the way she wrapped herself around him at night and listened to him talk even when she was exhausted and not interested in the different types of cardboard generated from recycled paper.

“Of course you love her, darling. We’ve all known it for weeks.” Kathleen sighed. “Now you need to find her and tell her.”