Saved by the Bride

chapter Nineteen

Rage burned through Finn hot and strong, scorching everything in its wake, until all that was left was smoldering bitterness that tainted every breath. It had been burning slowly all night despite his attempts to hose it down. He’d thought he’d been doing okay too until he’d seen the look on Sean’s face—the one where he thought Finn had invited him to the island and that one action signaled a change between them. It had acted like a hot, south wind and ignited his fury into a roaring wildfire.

He’d stormed inside because he was so furious with Annika that he could barely configure a sentence. He couldn’t believe she’d betrayed him. Couldn’t believe she’d invited Sean here. Here. His hand tore through his hair as if the action would marshal his thoughts but it utterly failed. He heard the squeak of the door.

Shit. You didn’t think this through, did you? Why had he come inside to a small, two-roomed cabin? He should have gone for a walk around the island or taken the boat and left the island altogether. He knew the first words Annika said would be, “We need to talk.”

Hell yes, they needed to talk. Only this time he’d be the one doing all the talking.

“Finn?” She walked over to him and reached her hand out to his. “I understand you’re angry.”

Understand? The placating words sounded straight out of Psychology 101 and he crossed his arms to avoid her touch. “Annika, it might come as a shock to you, but you don’t understand anything about me.”

Her expression filled with empathy and she gave a half smile as if she thought the statement really silly. “Try me.”

The smile only increased the sensation that he was barely hanging on to everything he understood about his life. “You lied to me. This was no spur-of-the-moment idea, was it? You had no right to invite my father here.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, but—”

“There are no ‘buts.’” He threw out his hands. “This is my sanctuary. I choose who comes here. I’ve put up with you inviting people to camp out on the island and with you letting the boys build forts, but I will not stand by and allow you to invite my father to my retreat. This time you’ve gone too far.”

“I didn’t realize I had no rights as to who I could or couldn’t invite, given that you’ve always told me to make myself at home.”

He ignored the flash of hurt in her eyes and overruled the voice in his head that called him a jerk. “I have never wanted my father here.”

This time she threw her arms out wide. “I was only trying to help you and Sean bury the past. God knows, you need someone to guide you through it.”

His jaw was so tight it ached. “I don’t think so.”

“I think so.” Her chin shot up. “You’re blind if you can’t see that your father badly wants to find a way to connect with you.”

Finn had known what Sean wanted from the morning of the campout. “Yeah, well the only way I want to connect with him is the way I’ve been doing it for years. Through work.” He crossed the room, hauled open the fridge and grabbed a beer bottle.

She followed him. “Don’t you think that’s a bit immature?”

“No!” He spun the top off a longneck and tossed it into the bin.

“I know Sean was an absent father full of unmet promises but he wants to make amends, Finn. It’s clear to everyone he’s genuinely sorry but he needs your help too. Can’t you at least meet him halfway? If you keep this up you’re going to miss the opportunity to have an adult relationship with your father.”

He wanted to put his hands over his ears. “I’m fine with the one I’ve got.”

“That isn’t a relationship! It’s a business arrangement.”

“Exactly.” He chugged down the amber liquid, cool against his hot, tight throat.

Exasperation and sadness for him swirled in her eyes and she shook her head very slowly as if she’d just worked something out. “My God, for all that you hate the idea of being like Sean, you are your father’s son.”

He slammed the bottle down. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

She pressed her palms down on the counter as if she needed the support. “You’re making the same mistakes your father did at the same age and if you’re not careful you—”

“Like hell I am.” He crossed the room again, agitation pouring through him. “My personal life doesn’t even come close to the debacle that was my father’s. I’m not being unfaithful to a wife and family, and I don’t have any children to ignore because I choose not to have any.”

She bit her lip. “That part is true, but can’t you see? You’re putting work between you and your father and hiding behind the company. This way your father can never let you down or disappoint you again. It’s so much easier than trying to deal with anything emotional because that scares you to death.”

“That’s bullshit.” But her words skated close to the lid he’d jammed on all his feelings about his father. Skated so close that they almost cut it open and released the hurt he thought he’d shed years ago. He was never going to walk through the emotional minefield that was his relationship with his father. “Who appointed you custodian of how I relate to my father? Why are you all up in my face about this?”

Her face softened. “I just want to fix this for you.”

I want to fix this.

I need this industry.

The thoughts rammed into him. This is what she did. And this was how she did it. Weeks of vague thoughts suddenly focused and the scales fell from his eyes.

Annika suddenly shivered as Finn’s dark and enigmatic eyes stared down at her. “If you’re so desperate to fix something, Annika, how about fixing your own life.”

“Don’t turn this back on me, Finn. My life is just fine.”

“Oh, yeah, it’s just perfect. You’re so busy hiding out in Whitetail and living everyone else’s life for them that you’re not living your own.”

His words hammered her and she hugged herself hard. “I live in Whitetail and I’ve been working my butt off trying to save my town. If that’s not ‘living my life’ then I don’t know what is.”

But his penetrative gaze didn’t move an inch. “The saving-the-town bit, it didn’t go so well for you, did it? They didn’t want to be saved in quite the way you believed it should happen.”

For the first time since she’d come inside, he spoke quietly, and there was something about the way his face had softened that made her stomach lurch. Oh God, he knew. He knew about the town meeting. She tossed her hair and tried not to let the hurt from the town flatten her. “We had a difference of opinion, is all.”

He stepped a bit closer. “Melissa told me what happened the day Ty Dennison came. How they asked you to step down. This is why you’ve been spending more time here and why you’re hell-bent on getting over-involved with my family.”

Her breath hitched in her throat as her chest tightened and she shook her head hard and fast. “I’m just trying to help. I’m not over-involved.”

“Yes, you are.” He strode straight to her painting box and picked it up. “If you want to help then help yourself and get involved in your own life. Start living it the way you should be.” He shoved the box into her arms. “By painting.”

She put the box down. “I am living my life the way I should be. Right here, in Whitetail, where I’m needed.” Was needed. Her throat got a lump in it and she tried hard to swallow around it.

Finn shook his head. “No, you’re hiding from it here in Whitetail but they’ve just released you from your self-imposed responsibility. It’s time to stop throwing roadblocks in your own way. I tracked down that review of your work, Annika, and I read it. Are you really going to let one person’s opinion rule your life?”

“It wasn’t one person’s opinion. It was three!” She spun away from him, her heart pounding so hard she could hear it loud in her ears.

“So your style wasn’t theirs, so what? It doesn’t mean you just stop.”

His caring voice didn’t lessen the impact of his words and she tried to take in a long, deep breath but she was being spun back in time to the cruel reviews and she couldn’t move air in or out. Bitterness spilled over. “I didn’t stop. God, I’ve tried painting. I was asked to paint a series of this lake for an exhibition in Milwaukee but I can’t paint what I see. When I try it just comes out bland and lifeless and wrong. Everything about the paintings is wrong and I’m not exposing any more of my failures to the world.”

“Isn’t that being just a bit overdramatic?”

He stood in front of her, this successful man she loved, and the distance between them had never felt greater. “You have no idea what you’re asking me to do, Finn. You’ve never been publicly humiliated nor had what you believed was your best work thoroughly trashed. And why would you? You’re a winner. Under your guidance AKP is weathering a huge financial storm while other companies around you are going to the wall. But not all of us are as driven, or talented, or strong as you are.”

His eyes burned her. “You think I don’t have problems or challenges? If you believe that then you’re living in fantasyland. The only difference between the two of us is that I’m not a quitter and I never took you for a coward.”

“I’m not a coward.” She knew she was yelling but if she tried to speak more quietly her voice would crack. “I’m making a choice with my life. Right now I’m creating beautiful invitations and making brides happy.”

He shook his head slowly and his expression filled with sorrow. Sorrow for her. “Now you’re just lying to yourself. Again. First it was saving Whitetail and now you’ve lost that you’re clinging to the calligraphy. You know you’re not happy.”

She stared at him, thinking about the past few weeks. “Of course I’m happy. I’ve got you.”

The moment the words slipped out she wanted to pull them back and push them down deep where they belonged until he was ready to hear them.

But they hung between them, vibrating loudly, and their message clear.

Finn’s face paled under his summer tan and his black eyes seemed huge in his handsome face. “Annika, you and I, we’re—”

She cut him off with a forced laugh, not wanting to hear the words she knew would follow. “What I meant to say was I’ve got you until Labor Day.”

But he didn’t laugh with her and every muscle, bone and tiny cell on his beautiful body said he didn’t believe her. “I never meant for you to...”

It was like a balloon inside her which had been holding her up and it suddenly deflated. She shrunk in on herself. “Fall in love with you?” She bit her lip, hating his shocked surprise. “No, sorry. My bad.”

An agonized look crossed his face. “It’s been fun, Annika. It’s been amazing, but you know we wouldn’t work. Not long-term. Like you said, I don’t do emotional connections. I don’t fall in love, but most importantly, I won’t let you live your life through me.”

Her heart split in two and the ripping pain seared her like no other pain she’d ever experienced. It stole her breath before shooting down deep to a level never reached before. The man she loved didn’t love her. He didn’t need her. He was letting her go.

First Whitetail. Now Finn.

Her legs trembled and she gripped the back of the couch so she didn’t sink to the floor. Where to now?

Somehow, from somewhere, she managed to muster up a spark of dignity. If Finn was blind to what they could have together, if he was so scared of the idea of loving her that he saw no reason to fight for her—for them—then she knew what she had to do. “I should probably spend the night at Kylemore.”

He nodded slowly. “That’s probably best.”

Best? Pain made her numb. Nothing about this was best.

She absently picked up a light jacket. “I’ll clear my stuff out tomorrow and make arrangements for someone to work in the office.”

He ran his hands raggedly through his hair. “Annika, you can still work for AKP.”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t compartmentalize my life like you can.”

He stared at her silently and then, ever the gentleman, he picked up the boat’s keys. “It’s dark so I’ll take you over.”

And the most important relationship of her life ended in a polite and agonizingly silent boat trip.

* * *

Bridey snuggled in close to Hank, loving the feel of the soft wool of his tux and the cool satin of the lapels caressing her bare shoulders. Her ivory silk organza gown with its hand-pieced lace tulle overskirt spilled over his legs and filled the carriage, rising to meet the low sides. The horse snorted as Al flicked the reins and the carriage started moving slowly around the town square.

“So did my dress match your tux as requested?”

“Darling, you’ve outshone my designer tux ten times. The dress is stunning. You’re stunning.” Hank pressed his lips to hers in a bone-melting kiss.

A cheer went up from the small flag-waving crowd lining the street and Hank grinned. “Wave, Bridey. It’s our day.”

With a broad smile, she sat forward and waved, loving every minute of their special day. The sunshine glinted off her shiny, new wedding band and she started laughing.

Hank gave her an indulgent look. “Again? What’s funny now?”

“I was just thinking about the church. How many weddings do you think have started with the bridal party on their hands and knees trying to fish the rings out of a crack in the floorboards?”

“Poor Logan.” Hank’s expression was half sympathy and half humor. “He was concentrating so hard on holding that cushion and he tripped just at the wrong moment.”

She could feel tears of laughter behind her eyes. “I could see the rings rolling down the aisle ahead of me, getting faster and faster. From then on it was like watching a comedy of errors as Dana, Mom and your parents threw themselves into the aisle, trying to grab the rings and missing. It was like they had a magnetic force pulling them into the broken floorboard.”

He put his hand on the small of her back. “How many brides arrive at the altar doubled over in laughter?”

She giggled again. “I couldn’t help it. Everyone’s expressions were priceless and besides, it’s made our wedding unique. It’s a story we can tell our children and grandchildren.” A sigh of contentment rolled through her. “A month ago I would have been distraught at the idea of something like that happening but today it didn’t matter one bit. I was in a church with you and we were getting married. Not even missing rings could stop that from happening.”

He stroked her hair. “For a few minutes there I felt sure we’d be borrowing Mom and Dad’s rings but Finn and Logan make a handy team.”

“I know, right? Who knew my brothers now carry matching pocket knives that can hook rings.”

Al pulled on the reins, and to another loud cheer the horse and carriage left the square and headed down toward the dock where Finn’s wooden boat was waiting to transport them to Kylemore.

“It’s been a perfect day so far.” He pulled her in close. “I can’t believe I’m so blessed to have you as my wife.”

She looked up into warm and loving honey-brown eyes and she knew she was home. “You’ve got me forever, Hank.”

“It won’t be long enough.” And he kissed her.

* * *

When Bridget Callahan married Hank Neiquest, she carried a bouquet of fragrant gardenias and white hydrangeas which were stunningly replicated in sugar on the four-tier wedding cake. The entire Callahan family was in attendance at the rustic church and the bride’s mother and stepmother wore complementing dresses from Chicago’s up-and-coming designer Lex. Close friends joined the happy couple at the reception, which was held at Sean Callahan’s northern Wisconsin vacation home. Bachelor brother Finn attended alone. According to one source, he was seen on the dance floor enjoying the reception with many different partners.

Annika dropped the copy of People magazine onto her brother’s coffee table, getting a tiny bit of relief from the fact that Finn hadn’t taken a date to the wedding, but what did it really matter? Three and a half weeks had passed since she’d last seen him and she knew it was only a matter of time before he was dating again. After all, there was no reason for him to be celibate—he hadn’t been foolish enough to fall in love and nor did he have a broken heart.

She’d been in Milwaukee for a few weeks now. Her brother had taken one look at her two suitcases and boxes and had welcomed her with open arms saying, “Thank God, you’ve finally come to your senses.” Her mother had emailed from New Zealand. So thrilled you’re working for Axel.

At least someone was thrilled.

Her phone rang and as she answered it she could hear the noise of a sports bar blaring in the background. “Hey, sis. Just letting you know I’m not home for supper. The guys and I are celebrating.”

She asked the question Axel always loved to answer. “What are you celebrating?”

“I sold five of those new apartments off the plan.”

“That’s great. Party safe.”

“Always. You enjoy having the place to yourself. Maybe watch one of your chick flicks.”

She smiled as he hung up. Her brother was a Brewers fan, a Packers fan, a Bucks fan, an anything Badger fan—a sports fan period, and the TV was rusted onto the sports channel. Without him here, the apartment was eerily quiet.

She sighed and picked up the discarded magazine. Bridey made a stunning bride and both of the official photos that had been released showed Hank gazing at her with so much love that it made her chest ache. She was pleased that the wedding had gone so well for them and she was pleased for the town too. They’d pulled off an event that usually took months of planning and had done it in less than four weeks.

She’d had almost as long to reflect on how many mistakes she’d made. She’d been so hell-bent on getting an industry for the town that she’d missed the true strengths of Whitetail. She pressed the message icon on her phone and texted Nicole and the town her congratulations.

Almost instantly, Nicole replied. Thank you. Wished you could have been there. Are you still good for the other wedding invitations?

Her fingers flew. Yes. Definitely yes. Even though she no longer had her own studio and all that lovely AKP equipment, she was determined to find a space because the invitations were the only thing that came close to giving her a creative outlet. Her job as rental manager for her brother’s Realtor business paid well but she was often bored rigid. Ironically, between that job and her contract with AKP, she was earning the most money she’d ever earned in her life. Before she left Whitetail, she’d hired Olivia from Sven’s Swedish Smörgåsbord to work for Finn. She’d also tried to stop the AKP contract and get the company to employ Olivia direct, but the very pedantic man in the Chicago office of AKP had been adamant there was no valid reason for the contract not to run its course as both parties were honoring it.

With Finn’s words about “not living your life through me” ringing in her ears, Annika had promptly given Olivia a big pay rise and had paid off all her debts but it still left her in-front financially. The money made her uneasy.

She hadn’t seen or spoken to Finn since he’d delivered her safely to Kylemore, brushed her cheek with a chaste kiss and wished her “All the best.” The man she loved had held every one of his emotions in check and bid her farewell like she’d been a valued employee rather than a lover. She’d wanted to push him into the lake. The irony of the whole nightmare was she’d wanted him to open up so he could enjoy a relationship with his father. All she’d achieved was him digging his feelings down deeper into his emotional abyss.

She may not have spoken to any of the Callahan men but she’d received texts from Dana, Kathleen and Bridey each week, asking her if she was “Doing okay?” She appreciated their thoughtfulness but each message brought a fresh wave of pain with it. Finn’s family cared for her but the one Callahan she loved with every part of her didn’t care for her enough.

The sun had started to drop and the light was fading, making the apartment dim and, given her dreary thoughts, she needed light. Lots of bright and cheery light. She flipped on the main lamp and instantly heard a hiss as the bulb blew, just as it had the night before. “And we didn’t buy any new ones,” she said to Axel’s Labrador, Jet, and rubbed her ears. “Tomorrow we call the electrician, but for now I guess we’ll just have to sit in the gloom.” But just the thought of it had her changing her mind. “Let’s go outside.”

Jet didn’t seem at all perturbed by any of it and padded out onto the balcony behind her. She’d been sitting there earlier checking figures on the laptop for Axel. She tucked her feet underneath her as she sat down and watched the colors in the sky deepen and stretch further into the horizon. Up until now, she’d avoided doing this because it reminded her of everything she’d lost—the lake, Whitetail, Finn and, less recently, her dream.

The Great Lakes had always fascinated her—massive inland seas which could go from glitteringly calm to roiling waves and pounding breakers. When she’d missed Whitetail at college, she’d had Lake Michigan. The lakes had always inspired her art and she’d walked and camped along the miles and miles of all of their shorelines, but she knew Lake Michigan the best. Industry had scarred them, shipping and fishing constantly took from them and yet they could still throw up pockets of wild and awe-inspiring beauty. They’d been her muse until looking at them had become too painful.

The fiery orange light danced on the water, seeping into its darkness and creating a juxtaposition of color. Light and dark. The dueling of nature. If she was painting this she knew exactly which combination of paints would yield that color.

She heard Finn in her head. Start living your life the way you should by painting.

Her inner voice was louder. You can’t even finish the final painting of Dawn, Day and Dusk.

She huffed out a breath. Those paintings sucked. People said so. In print. Three times.

Finn’s voice wouldn’t be silenced. So your style wasn’t theirs. Are you really going to let one person’s opinion rule your life?

“Yes.”

Jet raised her head but when she realized Annika hadn’t said “walk” she laid it back down on her paws.

She bit her lip as her life stretched out in front of her—alone and working for her brother. A life devoid of color.

I won’t let you live your life through me. A sob rose in her throat. The town didn’t want to be saved your way.

A sharp pain in her chest made her gasp. Oh, God, Finn was right. She was a coward. She was living her life by believing the words of strangers and she’d actively let them steal away her joy. Worse still, she’d been so desperate to fill her life with something, and stay in Whitetail, that she’d become an overbearing control freak. Her behavior had put her on the outs with her town—a town she loved. With a moan, she dropped her head into her hands as her conduct came under the unforgiving bright light of a spotlight. She’d bossed around Whitetail and waded into Finn’s life telling him how to live it when she couldn’t even get her own organized. Was too scared to even try.

Only hiding out had destroyed everything she held dear. Every time she’d painted in the last two years, she’d done it with a huge question mark hanging over every brush stroke. Is this right? It had sucked her dry. But no more. She wanted to paint this sunset. She wanted to paint her lakes. She wanted to show the stark contrast of the wild, rugged beauty against the errors of man. She didn’t care if it was “stylized,” “derivative” or “immature,” she just knew she needed to do it.

She needed to do it for herself.