Everyone gathered around creating their own personal cocktail while the others named the creations. Celia created what we named the Flaming Bitch. Phoebe created what we named the Evil Lawn Gnome. Maggie created what Viola named the Virgin for Life. Elora created what we named the Silent but Deadly. Viola created what I named the Hell Cat. I created a drink that they named Reformed Bargirl. Clearly, mine was in honor of Aunt Anne. Phoebe was brilliant and we spent the rest of the evening drinking our personalized drinks.
Next, an Intimacy Consultant named Anita arrived. When Anita walked in she looked very studious. However, when she started to set up I would have never guessed that she did this for a living. First came all types of lingerie: see through, lacy, racy, edible and even costumes.
"Okay," Phoebe cleared her throat. "The idea here is to purchase things for our dear Lilli to wear or use on her honeymoon." Phoebe giggled and I scowled at her.
"Don’t waste your money," I spit out quickly, earning a laugh from Maggie and Viola.
"Oh honey, if Aidan is anything like his uncle then you will definitely want to get yourself some."
"Mom," Maggie yelled and covered her ears.
We all burst into laughter.
"I’m just saying," Viola shrugged. "Your father is quite—"
"Seriously? Seriously, mom? No…ew, ew, ew!" Maggie screamed as she left the room. "God, please let my car get here soon!" The laughter just got worse.
All of the drinking started to catch up with us. Celia had a red lace bra on overtop of her black halter top, modeling it. I pulled a dark blue nightie on over my clothes and posed provocatively when I saw the flash.
"Maggie!" I yelled and chased her around the room, everyone laughing.
"Oh, I am totally saving that one as the background on my phone!" she laughed as she dodged my attempts to catch her. Finally, I was laughing so hard I couldn’t run any longer. "My car is here!" Maggie beamed, ran to kiss Viola and then she headed home.
Maggie was only gone for ten minutes when Anita pulled a trunk out and started unloading things. There were lubricants, vibrators, handcuffs. You name it, Anita had it in her trunk.
Viola grabbed a pair of padded handcuffs and slipped them on.
"Find something you like?" Anita questioned.
"Maybe," Viola grinned.
I started laughing.
"You could always buy them for Aidan," Phoebe suggested to Viola.
"Huh?" Viola looked confused.
"Well, handcuffing Lilli to the bed might be the only way he’ll get her to stay in his!" Phoebe started roaring with laughter as I tossed a butt plug at her.
Viola giggled.
"Oh no, I think that this would go nicely with my naughty officer outfit." Viola said it so straight faced and seriously that for a moment, I couldn’t even react.
"Holy shit, Vi," Celia exclaimed. "You’re a closet freak!" she laughed.
"Please honey, I invented freak," she winked. "I’ll take these and give one to the bride too." We all laughed harder.
"Really, Viola, I won’t need those." I stated between giggles.
"You will if Aidan is like his uncle," she smiled slyly as she sipped on her drink.
We had convinced Anita to stay with us after she was done with the ‘consultation’. We helped her clean up her things and then we all sat around drinking, laughing and dancing. A knock erupted at the door and Phoebe rushed to answer.
Three police officers came in, it didn’t take a genius to realize what they really were. I rolled my eyes. Phoebe tried to look innocent as I scowled at her before she turned the music to something different and the ‘officers’ were pulling me off the couch and into a single chair. They danced around me and grabbed my hands to run down their chests as they danced. I caught Phoebe with a camera a few times and stuck my tongue out at her.
Finally having had enough, I sent one officer to Viola, one to Elora and the other to Phoebe. Phoebe was giggling as I took pictures, Viola was a little too excited and I definitely got pictures of that. Elora was just red faced and embarrassed. My stomach hurt so badly from all of the laughter.
The strippers finally said their goodbyes and gave me their best wishes on my marriage.
"Whew! I need a drink and a cold shower." Viola panted.
"Hell, I just need one of those vibrators at this point." Elora blurted out. I almost fell off my seat laughing.
"Jesus, Phoebe, you are corrupting everyone!" I chuckled out. She smiled proudly.
"The night is not over yet, bitches!" Phoebe bounced up and down.
"Oh God, Phoebe I don’t think I can take anymore." I said breathlessly.
"I can take more." Viola said loudly with a large smile.
"Good," Phoebe exclaimed "Because we are going to have some lessons shortly."
"Lessons?" I asked nervously.
"Yep," Phoebe popped the p at the end before heading to the door; our next event had arrived.
A woman with super long, platinum blonde hair, a fake tan, injected bubble gum pink lips and a large boob job came in. Phoebe showed her where to set up in front of us and we all sat patiently.
"Hello, I’m Tandy" I almost rolled my eyes at her name, given her appearance. She placed a case on the coffee table in front of us, opened it and pulled out rubber penises. I almost shot my drink out of my nose. Again. "I will be instructing you on proper blow job technique."
"Oh my God, Phoebe."
"What?" Phoebe shrugged and grinned, while Viola yelled, "Yeah," clapping her hands. She reached out, the first to take a rubber penis.