Screams of death filled my good ear. The other half of my head felt detached, muted.
“Where is your life vest?” yelled the shoemaker to me as he clutched the wandering boy.
I had been hiding. I hadn’t been issued a vest.
Some passengers dove off the ship rather than wait for a boat. Countless bodies bobbed in life vests in the water.
“Look for our girls,” said the shoemaker. “Where are the girls?”
joana
I emerged up top into the freezing wind and snow.
I had lost sight of Emilia on the stairs. I yelled for her and looked for her pink hat. Dr. Wendt and Dr. Richter were already on deck loading the wounded into a boat. I directed the remaining pregnant women to them. They gave me a life vest. I put my arms through it and tied the strings in the front.
“Please,” a girl cried to me. “My cousin is down on the lower deck. Please, help me go find her.”
Her cousin. Thousands were on the lower decks. Thousands were trapped.
The ship suddenly groaned and shifted into a deeper tilt.
“Get in a boat. Now!” I yelled to the girl. I directed her toward a lifeboat.
I grabbed a railing near the staircase. A loud crash thundered from behind. The enormous anti-aircraft weaponry slid across the deck, broke through the rail, and smashed onto a lifeboat that had just been lowered. The weapons, the boat, and all of the passengers sank quickly beneath the surface.
A scream erupted from within me.
alfred
I had made it up top. Everyone was screaming. Screaming was not thinking. Passengers struggled toward the rail and the lifeboats. I watched them cry, yell, and beg for help. Beg for life.
The scene played as if to music. People looked to me, eyes panting and desperate. Their hands reached for me in choreographed synchronization.
Save me. Save me. Save me.
We crawled on the slippery deck. An injured woman grabbed my ankle.
“Please, help me!” she shrieked. The salt of her tears had smudged her eye makeup.
I nodded. Yes, she would need help to fix her ruined face.
Panic required me to take action. I could not. The chaos disrupted my ability to focus, pulling me instead from reaction to observation. My arm began moving, turning the invisible crank of Death’s music box. Somewhere inside, I didn’t want the melody to end. I saw Captain Petersen lowered with passengers in a boat. My intelligence then called to me. If our captain was leaving, surely I should depart as well.
A lifeboat. Yes, I would get in a lifeboat.
The blisters on my hands popped and bled. I wiped them off on the wool coat I had taken from the passenger. I shoved through the thick crowd to the rail. And then I saw the recruit, the old man, and the little boy.
The recruit was screaming. Veins bulged in his neck. His mouth contorted as he summoned all of his strength to roar one, single word.
Joana.
florian
The few remaining boats were filling fast. My pack swung from my shoulder on the single strap, causing me to slip and lose balance.
I saw the pink hat through the crowd. And then I saw Joana. The Polish girl was crawling behind with the baby. I moved through the throngs of people toward them. The sailor, Alfred, crept slowly in my direction.
“Joana, Emilia, hurry! Women and children first,” I yelled.
Joana turned, saw the Polish girl, and grabbed her.
“Hurry!” I repeated to Joana. “Get in the boat. I’ll help her in with the baby.”
“Take the little one,” shouted Poet, frantically pushing the wandering boy through the crowd. “Please, take him,” he pleaded.
“Opi!” the boy screamed, fighting to get back to the shoemaker.
A sailor helped Joana down a rope ladder into the lifeboat. She reached up for the baby.
The Polish girl refused. She motioned for me to get into the swaying boat.
People pushed past. The boat began to fill.
“Go! Get into the boat!” I yelled.
“She only trusts you,” shouted Joana. “She wants you to bring the baby down.”
“Damn it.” I handed Alfred my pack. “Hold this.”
The shoe poet tossed a life vest over my head. I took the baby from the Polish girl and climbed down into the boat.
“There’s too many people,” someone screamed. “We’re going to capsize.”
“Only one more,” a sailor said.
“Wait! No!” I yelled. “We have more people.”
“One more,” the sailor repeated.
“Emilia, hurry!” screamed Joana.
Emilia stared at us from above, then quickly pushed the wandering boy into the boat on top of us. The ropes snapped and our boat dropped down into the water.
Emilia was still on deck.
I was holding her baby.
Alfred was still on deck.
He was holding my pack.
joana
Our boat dropped down into the black water.
I screamed for Emilia.
Florian screamed for his pack.