Chapter 14
"Ivy." I feel his muscular arms encircle me from behind as he steps into the shower. "Beautiful."
I pull him into me, wanting the closeness to last beyond tonight. I need our connection to be this strong outside the walls of our apartment. "I still can't breathe."
"I'm scared." The words feel foreign and misplaced coming from him.
I turn quickly and reach for his face. It's damp from the water. I push the moisture away and cup his cheek in my hand. "Scared? Of what?"
He doesn't respond. He pulls me into his chest and I wrap my arms tightly around his waist. Even in a semi- hard state I can feel his cock pressing against me. I still want him. If he wanted to claim me again right here and right now, I'd drop to my knees and please him. I'd take him between my lips and pull another orgasm from within him just as he did with me.
"Jax, please," I plead with him.
His body moves slightly and I realize he's sobbing. I try to look up but he's too strong. He's pressing my body into his, molding our two frames together under the heat from the shower.
"Jax." My eyes are filled with tears now too. What's happening? What is he going to tell me? Is that why he took me so ferociously in the bed? Because he's going to do something that will make me not want him anymore? It's not possible. I have to tell him. "Tell me," I whisper into his chest. "What's scaring you?"
"I want us to go away." He moves back slightly so I can tilt my head up to look at him. "I need that."
I nod even though I know I can't leave right now. I have to go through Mark's apartment tomorrow to ready it for sale and I have to finish up the work that I'm desperately falling behind on. None of that matters right now. All that matters is Jax and I.
"You know I've never loved anyone but you." The words cut through me like a razor sharp knife. He wouldn't be saying that unless he believed I doubted that fact.
"I know." I try to temper the fear in my voice but it's almost impossible.
He presses his lips to my temple and I feel a shudder course through him. "I can't survive losing you. I can't."
"I'm not going anywhere." I pull him closer. "I'm not."
"You know I can't live if you're not with me, don't you?" It's a question that he doesn't need to ask.
"I'm not going anywhere." I raise my head and search his face. "What's going on?"
"Ivy." My name escapes his lips in a sob. "I'm so scared."
"Jax." I pull on his arms, wanting to merge our bodies together." Please. You're scaring me."
"Don't die." He pushes his cheek into mine. "Please don't die before me."
"Don't say those things." I sob into his chest. "Don’t talk like that."
He doesn't respond. He just pulls me closer, holding my naked body next to his until the shower starts to run cold.
***
"I know this isn't in your job description," I begin before I stop to open a desk drawer. "But I appreciate you coming with me."
"We're friends, Ivy." Nathan turns from where he's standing next to a tall cabinet. "I'll always help in any way I can."
I smile at the reminder of our renewed friendship. Having Nate back in my life has helped so much, especially today when I'm stuck with the task of searching through Mark's belongings trying to decide whether anything is worth keeping.
"I stuck his cell phone and the other stuff from his car there." Nate points to a small, clear plastic bag sitting on the edge of the desk. "I picked it up at the police station yesterday."
I nod and turn my gaze back to the drawer before a sudden realization washes over me. "Do you think there's a charger for the phone here somewhere?"
"I saw one in his bedroom." He tips his head back as he heads out the door into the hallway. "Let me grab it."
I open the bag and carefully retrieve the phone. The screen is scuffed but other than that it's not worse for wear. It's shocking that Mark's smartphone could survive virtually unscathed from such a violent crash that claimed his life and left Liz helpless in a hospital bed.
"Let me plug it in." Nate reaches for the phone before he kneels to plug it into an outlet near the desk. "Give it a few minutes."
I nod and look back at the desk. "Mark called me a bunch of times before he died." It's the first time I've said the words since I told Mrs. Adams weeks ago.
"What did he want?" He doesn't look my way when he throws the question at me.
I glance at the phone and the green bar indicating it's finally charging back up. "I have no idea. I ignored everything and deleted all of it."
"It was likely nothing. I wouldn't worry about it."
"Did the police say anything more about the accident?" I don't know why I've been so curious about what happened on that stretch of road that night. Knowing wasn't going to change the outcome.
"Speed and his blood alcohol level was almost twice the limit." He turns as he sighs. "Liz was apparently hammered too."
I wince at the words. "I should have done something," I mutter under my breath.
"You should have done something?" He turns completely around now. "Like what?"
"Nothing with Mark," I say it so carelessly. Is it horrible that I haven't cried about Mark's death? Is it horrible that I don't feel any sense of loss knowing he's no longer alive? "When Liz and I were still friends I thought she might have a drinking problem."
"You're not responsible for her." He walks over to lean against the desk, his leg almost brushing against my arm. "They both chose to drink and get in that car."
I nod. I know he's right. I know that there was nothing that I could have done to change the outcome of that day.
"The text messages Mark sent me should be on his phone."
"I hadn't thought of that." Nate taps me on the shoulder. "You really missed your calling. You should have been a private investigator."
I laugh before I push myself up to my feet. "I'm going to get everything packed up for charity. Once probate is done we can sell this place."