“You’re so fucking perfect, you know that?”
Her eyes filled with tears until they spilled over her temples. She grabbed onto the back of his neck, her fingers splaying into the hair at his nape. “Jackson, I think I might… Oh, God, I think I—”
“Shhh. No more words, baby.” He was pretty sure he knew what she’d been trying to say, and though he wanted to hear her say it more than he wanted his next breath, he wouldn’t handle it well if later she told him it was a heat-of-the-moment thing. Those words should never be uttered for the first time during sex. Ever. “Feel my skin on yours. Feel me inside you. Feel how perfect you fit me. Just feel, okay?”
Again she nodded, losing more tears. Jax adjusted his position, lifting up slightly to make sure his weight wasn’t crushing her. When she gasped on his next thrust, he realized he’d found the bull’s-eye. Keeping the slow and steady pace, he hit it again. And again. And again. Each time pushing her closer and closer to that waterfall edge, and each time feeling himself follow her that much more.
Her eyes started to drift closed as the tension consumed her. “Keep them open, Vanessa. Watch me. I want to look into your eyes when I make you come. I want to see you acknowledge who does this to you, who makes you feel this way.”
She didn’t argue, didn’t deflect. She simply obeyed. And knowing she did so, no matter how far from her comfort zone it led her, was the last addition to his perfect storm for both of them.
This time Vanessa’s cry stuck in her throat. Her body tensed, eyes widened and lips parted, but nothing came out. She was a living, silent work of art. The feel of her * milking him hurtled him over the edge, and with one last drive forward, he buried himself as far as he could go and spilled himself deep inside, branding her the way she had already branded herself on his heart.
…
As they lay on the blanket, her back to his chest and legs intertwined, Vanessa released a long exhale and snuggled into him a little more.
“You know,” she said, her eyes still closed and a lazy grin on her face, “the last few days have been great. But today…” Her head turned, her bright green eyes searching his. “Today has been absolutely perfect. Thank you so much for this.”
Bending his head, he placed a tender kiss on her swollen lips. “Believe me, it’s been my pleasure.”
Jax tightened his arms around her, wanting to obliterate any space between them as if it could prevent her from putting it there once he dropped the bomb he had to tell her.
There’d been plenty of times in Jax’s life he should have been nervous. When he was eighteen and had to appear before the court to fight for his right of legal guardianship over Lucie, he’d been prepared to win. When he picked up at the age of twenty-three and moved halfway around the world on his own, he’d been determined to start fresh. Before every professional match in his career, he’d been hungry for the fight. But he’d never allowed himself to feel nervous in any of those situations. He believed in mind over matter and in being in control of his own destiny.
And telling Vanessa that he wanted more from her—that he wanted a shot at something real with her—was no different than any of those. He loved her. Convincing her of his feelings and to listen to her heart instead of her rules was a challenge he was confident he could win.
There was only one thing standing in his way. One thing that had the potential to take that “win” and blow it right out of the water.
His lie.
And that’s where the nerves came in. For the first time in his adult life he was more afraid of losing a “forever” relationship than getting in one.
He should’ve confessed the truth to her a dozen times over the last five days. In the beginning, he’d been worried about pissing her off or pissing his sister off. But after kissing her that first night, he’d been afraid of pushing her away. Of losing something he couldn’t even identify at the time. All he’d known was he didn’t want to take the chance, and that hopefully he could win her over enough so that her feelings for him overshadowed his deception.
And now that the time was here, he held on to that hope with both fists as he pushed open the door to the lion’s den.
“Vanessa,” he finally forced past the lump in his throat. “I want to talk to you about something, but I want you to let me finish before you say anything.”
“No interruptions? You’re asking quite a lot of me, big guy.”
He kissed her shoulder. “I have faith in you.”
She shifted on the blanket until she lay fully on her back, but the sun glaring across her face caused her to squint and lift a hand for protection. Jax propped himself up on his elbow to cast her in his shadow. Being able to look down on her was simply a bonus.