I turned to Eddie. “Okay, I’ve never done this. This is the guy’s department. What do I do? We need to get Lee’s size and we need industrial strength. Show me which ones to buy.”
Eddie looked at the display and looked at me. “You’re askin’ me to help you buy condoms for Lee?”
“Industrial strength condoms,” I reminded him.
Eddie stared at me like he was re-thinking his crush on me.
“Okay,” I said, trying to be helpful, “we’ll break it down. We’ll start with the size.”
He shook his head. “First, I’m a little worried you’re lookin’ to me to tell you Lee’s size. Lee es mi hermano, but we aren’t that close. Second, they don’t come in sizes.”
I couldn’t believe it, that couldn’t be true.
“You mean it’s one size fits all?” I asked.
He didn’t bother to answer.
“That’s impossible,” I said, and it was. It wasn’t like I’d seen millions of them but I knew they weren’t all one size.
He remained silent but his eyes got kinda scary.
Yikes.
“All righty then, let’s go on to the next category, strength, durability, that kind of thing.”
Eddie walked away.
My cell rang, I grabbed it and saw it was Lee.
“Where are you? The guys said you freaked out about a baby shower and took off with Eddie behind you,” Lee said by way of greeting.
“Your mother is planning a baby shower.”
“Where are you?”
“You have to call her.” I told him.
“Where are you?”
“Lee!”
“I’ll call her, where the fuck are you?”
“I’m at Walgreen’s with Eddie. I’m actually glad you called because Eddie is refusing to help. What kind of condoms do you use? And please, nothing colored or flavored or any of that crap. I want the ones that are known for long-lasting reliability.”
Silence.
“Lee?”
I could swear that the mouthpiece was being covered on his phone.
“Lee!” I shouted.
“Let me get this straight,” he said and I could tell he was laughing, “you dragged Eddie to Walgreen’s to help pick out condoms for me?”
“Well, I didn’t know! I’m not the kind of girl who keeps condoms around. That’s the guy’s job and you said we were gonna have to use different precautions.”
“Did you tell Eddie the part about long-lasting reliability?”
Oh Lord.
“Forget it,” I said.
“Indy?” he called.
“What?” I snapped, kinda pissy.
“I love you.” He still had laughter in his voice and there was something very cool about him laughing and saying I love you at the same time.
He hung up before I could say anything.
I grabbed a smorgasbord of condoms, Lee could have a selection.
Eddie caught up with me while I was lost in the lip gloss section and pulled me away. I managed to snag a bottle of multi-vitamins (just in case) and several bars of watermelon taffy before Eddie marched me up to the counter.
I bought my seven boxes of condoms, six taffy sticks and my vitamins and then our little shopping expedition was over.
*
After we closed Fortnum’s, Eddie drove me and the Crossfire the one block to my house and parked it in the second space I owned behind the house, a space relegated to visitors.
I was pretty certain I was going to start hyperventilating at the idea of the visitor’s parking spot being the permanent residence of Lee’s Crossfire but I managed to tamp down the panic.
We walked through my backyard and Eddie took my keys and opened the door.
The minute I walked in, I knew something was wrong.
“Someone’s here,” I whispered to Eddie and put my Walgreen’s bag on the kitchen counter.
Eddie turned and looked at me. “No shit, there’s a television on.”
Okay, so maybe I wasn’t a natural-born detective with a keen sense of danger.
“Stay here, I’ll check it out,” he said, pulling a gun out of his waistband and walking into the dining room.
I followed him.
He turned to me. “Which part of ‘stay here’ didn’t you understand?”
“You’re not leaving me behind, I don’t like to get left behind. Sure, I get kidnapped and find dead bodies when I don’t stay where I’m supposed to be but I’m pretty certain it’d be worse if I stayed behind.”
Eddie gave me a look that said I was quickly curing him of his unrequited passion.
We walked through the living room, up the stairs and the TV was on in the second bedroom. The minute I hit the landing and looked into the TV room, I came to an abrupt halt.
Eddie walked into the room and said, “What’s up, hombre?”
I could see through the open door that Lee’s huge-ass, flat screen TV was in the place where my old-ass, tired TV used to be. I could also see some frames stacked against each other on the floor and leaning against the wall.
I turned my head the other direction and saw two big suitcases on the floor in my bedroom, one of them open and it appeared to have exploded. Men’s clothes, or more to the point, Lee’s clothes, were all over the floor.
I looked into the bathroom and there was an open dop kit on the counter of the bathroom vanity.