My fucking mother.
And yes, it was definitely an f-word moment.
I hid in the kitchen, making more iced tea and getting the coffee ready for dessert. I also got out the dessert plates and forks. I also cleaned the pots, rinsed my plate and cutlery, put them in the dishwasher and wiped down the counters.
Then Trixie came in, bearing used dishes.
She glared at me.
“That was rude.”
I didn’t care if it was rude. Rude was good. I was embracing rude with everything I had.
“You don’t understand what’s going on,” I told her.
“So explain it to me,” she shot back.
Since I didn’t understand what was going on either, I couldn’t.
“Just trust me, this is not what it seems.”
“Mm-hmm,” she said, al pissed off and not believing me, not even a little bit. She put the dishes in the sink and then a hand to her hip.
I was surrounded by women who could pul off the attitudinal hand on hip. Again, I had to ask, why me?
She went on, “From where I sat, it seemed like he was very interested in every word that was said. From where I sat, he seemed very interested in watching you the whole time we talked. From what I can see, he seems like a nice guy.”
“How can you tel ? You haven’t let him get a word in edgewise,” I said.
She started to look uncomfortable then hid it.
“Maybe we were laying it on a bit thick.”
“A bit?” I snapped.
Her hand came away from her hip, her face changed and she grabbed my arms.
“Jet, honey, who made the rule that you weren’t al owed to be happy?”
“No one. I’l be happy… someday. Just not with Eddie.”
“Why not with Eddie?”
“Have you looked at Eddie?”
Her eyes got kind of dreamy.
She’d looked at Eddie.
“Enough said,” I finished.
She stared at me, coming back into the room.
“What’s the way Eddie looks got to do with the price of tea in China?”
How to explain?
See, the thing was, good things didn’t happen to me. It wasn’t as if I had a sorry, sad life. My life wasn’t better or worse than anyone else’s. I’d had ups, I’d had downs.
Okay, so there were a lot of downs, but there were also a lot of good times too.
I just knew I wasn’t lucky. I also knew my limitations. And final y, I knew that dreams didn’t come true, not your Mom’s dreams for you, not your Mom’s best friend’s dreams for you and certainly not your own. Life was finding your piece of happiness, even working for it if you had to, and settling in.
I knew I’d find my piece of happiness but even if Eddie truly did have some weird attraction to me, I’d never, not in a mil ion years, settle in with him. I’d always be wondering when he’d figure it out or find something better. And I didn’t want a life like that.
That’s why good looking people were with good looking people, and plain folk were with plain folk. You didn’t court that kind of unhappiness.
Trixie had been married twice and was currently on the market. She had taste in men like my Mom and Lavonne but enough confidence to get them to take a hike when she was done carrying them. She’d find someone else, I knew it, she always did. She was that kind of woman. When she was done being alone, she wouldn’t be alone. She’d never understand.
“Never mind,” I said.
She stared at me.
“Next time I see Ray, I’m gonna kil him.” She’d have to stand in line.
“Why?” I asked.
“Never mind,” she said.
We rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher.
Trixie carried out the sheet cake and I trailed with ice cream and plates. Trixie served up while I did coffee. The whole time, I avoided looking at Eddie.
“I’l come around at 5:30 to pick you up tomorrow,” Eddie said, finishing his cake and looking at Mom.
Uh-oh.
I stil hadn’t told Mom about Blanca’s dinner.
“Pardon?” Mom asked, looking between Eddie and me.
“I forgot to tel you, we’re going to Eddie’s Mom’s for dinner tomorrow,” I said.
Trixie smiled. Mom beamed. Ada actual y clapped.
I sat back in my chair and closed my eyes.
“You ladies can come if you like, Mom’s having a party,” Eddie told Trixie and Ada.
I leaned forward in my chair and opened my eyes, turned to Eddie and glared.
“What do you mean, a party?”
“She’s asked the cousins, Indy and Lee, al of the Nightingales and Indy’s Dad.”
No.
No, no, no.
This was not happening.
“I’d love to come,” Trixie said.
“I’d be delighted. I never go anywhere,” Ada said.
Wonderful.
“I’l come by at 5:30, I’l take Ada and we’l fol ow you,” Trixie planned, talking to Eddie and Eddie nodded.
I got out of my chair again, this time, I had a valid excuse.
“I need to get ready for work.”
Without waiting for a reply, I walked to my room.
I was in my Smithie’s uniform, sitting on the bed and slipping on a pair of black pumps when a knock came at my door.