“He’d already kil ed Cordova. He’d beat the shit out of Roam and would have kil ed him too. You did what you had to do.”
I closed my eyes tight and said, “I was the reason he was on a rampage.”
“You blow his sister’s head off while he watched?” Vance asked.
My body went stil as his point penetrated deep.
“Of course not,” I whispered.
He put a hand to my midriff and pushed me to my back then he went up on an elbow and looked down at me.
“You poured vegetable oil on dealers’ cars. You threw smoke bombs. Retaliation for that isn’t murder.” He was right.
“You’re right,” I told him. “Except it was canola oil,” I corrected to lighten the mood.
Vance didn’t feel like lightening the mood.
“What are the alternatives for that night?” he asked me and I blinked.
“What?”
“You’re a good shot. You could have kept him alive even though he was aimin’ to kil . You kept aimin’ to maim, what would have happened?”
“He probably would have shot me in the head,” I told him and this was true.
“Roam too,” Vance pushed and I shivered.
“Roam too,” I whispered.
“Which means Sniff would be alone. No you, no Roam.” That didn’t bear thinking about so I shoved it aside immediately.
Vance went on, “And I wouldn’t have you and you wouldn’t be pregnant with our son.”
“Daughter,” I corrected quietly.
“I don’t give a fuck what it is. It exists. It’s yours and mine and it’s gonna be here because of the split second decision you made to put a bul et in his brain.”
“Crowe –”
“Part of the reason I love you is because, despite the kind of person he was, you’re the kind of person who’d let this haunt you.” His mouth came to mine. “But, Jules, now you gotta let it go.”
He was right about that too.
I hated it when he was right.
But I loved it when he told me he loved me.
“I love you,” I said against his lips.
I felt his mouth grin. “That’s good, since you’re married to me and havin’ my baby.”
He gave me a swift kiss, pushed me back to my side and fitted himself against my body from shoulders to heels.
His hand came to my bel y.
I was almost asleep again when I heard him say softly,
“Anything happened to you, I’d be Nick.”
I knew what he meant. My Uncle Nick had never recovered from Auntie Reba’s death. He existed and, on some level, he enjoyed life. He loved me and he respected and cared for Vance. We had a nice little family. But the light had gone when Auntie Reba died and it was never coming back.
I knew this about Vance. I knew this was how much he loved me. I’d known it for ages.
“I know,” I said.
“I experienced that feeling for six hours while you were in surgery. I never want it back.”
“Vance –”
“I never want it back, Jules.”
“Okay.”
“You made the right decision when you aimed to kil .” I linked my fingers with his and held on tight. “Okay.”
“Go to sleep.”
I sighed then snapped (even though my heart wasn’t in it), “Stop tel ing me what to do.”
His fingers tightened on mine but he didn’t answer.
We fel asleep.
And, for some reason, I never had another nightmare about that night.
Never.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Gonna Pick a Fight with You Every Day
Stella
I was so deeply asleep, I woke when Mace and Juno’s weight hit the bed. I hadn’t even felt Juno leave the bed when Mace arrived at the door nor did I hear his key in the lock or him moving around the apartment.
I was dead asleep because, the night before, with Tex gone (and seeing as it was al my fault), I hadn’t had a wink of sleep. It didn’t help that I didn’t hear one word from Mace al night until he phoned mid-morning, said Tex was al right and that Bobby would be picking me up and taking me to Fortnum’s.
“Mace?” My voice was husky with sleep.
“Yeah, babe.” He was on his back and he rol ed me into his side.
His arm curled around my waist as I rested my head on his shoulder.
“What time is it?”
“Quarter after midnight.”
“Everything okay?” I asked.
“As far as I know,” he answered.
“You would know?”
His fingers gave my waist a squeeze as he said, “Yeah, I would know.”
I rested my arm on his abs and my body relaxed into his.
“Do you wanna talk?” I mumbled into his shoulder already halfway to dreamland.
“If I had any energy, Kitten, I’d use it to fuck, not talk.” Wel , one thing you could say for that, it proved Shirleen right.
I was almost in dreamland when I muttered (not even knowing myself what I was saying), “Love you, Kai.” And, being so close to dreamland, I didn’t feel his body get tight when I cal ed him for the first time by his given name.
*
“Kitten,” Mace said in my ear and I felt his arm tight around my waist, give me a gentle shake. I opened my eyes. It was morning.
We’d shifted in the night. I was turned away from him, he was pressed to my back.
“Stel a,” Mace said, giving me a less gentle but stil gentle shake and I blinked.