It was then, Joker got it. Tabby had been engaged to a physical therapist who did not come close to living the life. The man died in a car accident.
Then came Shy.
Tack didn’t wait for him to confirm, he kept talking.
“Figure your father didn’t give you this so I will. A man is defined many ways. One of those is the woman he picks to be at his side.”
“Says a lot,” Joker muttered, turning to his own beer, and before taking a sip, finishing, “Seein’ as my ma left my dad before I was old enough to focus.”
“More important than that is the woman who chooses to take a man’s side,” Tack stated on the heels of Joker’s words, and Joker looked back to him. “You wouldn’t have your cut if any one of your brothers thought you weren’t defined as Chaos. But your old man chose the kind of woman who would clear out on her kid, that defines him. Your ma cleared out on her kid, that defines her. You get your shit together and explore what’s on offer right now to you, you’ve already beat that ’cause you know what’s on offer does not have that shit in her.”
It was time to share.
So he did.
“It’s me protecting her, Tack.”
“Against what?”
He leaned toward his brother and hissed, “Demons.”
Tack held his gaze and whispered, “He beat you bad.”
“Wasn’t worth shit.”
“Him?”
“Me.”
“Brother,” Tack slid further his way. “He planted that seed.”
“I know. Doesn’t mean it didn’t take root.”
“You fear the dark.” It was a statement.
A correct one.
“She doesn’t need dark,” Joker told Tack something anyone knew just taking one look at Carissa. “She never shoulda had it and she’s had a lifetime of it. What I got in me gets loose, it’ll engulf her.”
“You gotta find a way to set it free.”
“How?”
“God’s honest truth?” Tack asked.
“Absolutely,” Joker answered.
“If your brothers haven’t brought you to that revelation, then you gotta sink your cock in cute, sweet, wet, butterfly *.”
Joker leaned back.
“I’m not shittin’ you, man,” Tack told him.
Joker again said nothing.
Tack studied him before he remarked, “You think I’m whipped.”
Joker made no reply. He wouldn’t disrespect a brother like that, especially not Tack.
But he did think that.
Absolutely.
Tack grinned and took a pull from his beer.
After he dropped it, he said reflectively, still grinning, “Maybe I am. Though, the way I am and the woman holds that whip, it’s a good thing to be.”
“Right,” Joker started and got his brother’s gaze back. “I go there, she’s got a kid. Her ex fucks with her, and he’ll fuck with her, man, and I lose it, then where will she be?”
Tack’s face drained of amusement. “That right there is what you need to get.”
“What?”
“She is what I think she is, all you’ll need to do is take one look at her, and it’ll check.”
“It’ll check?”
“Do you think I’d do fuckin’ anything to harm my woman?”
Joker felt heat hit his throat.
“My kids?” Tack pushed.
“No,” Joker forced out.
“She is what I think she is, it’ll check.”
“What if it doesn’t?”
“Then she isn’t what I think she is.”
“She is,” Joker stated inflexibly and Tack stared at him a beat before he burst out laughing.
Joker did not laugh.
Then again, he never did.
But at that moment, he didn’t think fuck-all was funny.
Still chuckling, Tack said, “Jesus, Joke, you already know your path.”
“I also know hers, and it isn’t the road to bein’ a biker’s old lady. Fuck, Tack, she was a cheerleader.”
Tack again lost his hilarity and speared Joker with his eyes.
“Now, brother, if you don’t think you’re good enough, the life you lead is good enough, the family you can give her is good enough, then we got a much bigger problem.”
“Don’t read that shit into it, because you know it isn’t there. You also get me. There are women built for the life. There are women who take it on. But she deserves a white picket fence, Tack.”
“Then give her one. No law says a biker can’t live behind a white picket fence.”
Jesus.
Shit.
Shit.
He felt that burn in his throat too. So bad he had to suck back a long pull to douse the flame.
Tack lifted up from the bar and turned fully to Joker.
Then he laid it out.
“That motherfucker, he taught you to think you were garbage. You took that on. You were a kid. You had no fuckin’ choice. But he was wrong, Joke. And the only person who doesn’t get that shit is you. Get it. Get over it. Get your head outta your ass. And find what you deserve. Find some fuckin’ happy. If it isn’t this girl, it isn’t. But whatever it is, I want it for you. Your brothers want it for you. Their old ladies want it for you. The only one who isn’t lookin’ for that for you is you.”
Joker turned away, lifted his beer, and took another tug.
“Your call not to let that sink in,” Tack said, and Joker felt him move to drain his beer and slide off his stool
But he wasn’t done, and he left his kill shot for last.
“Now, not many people on this earth I would rather sit and have a beer with. But, see, my woman is up the mountain with my sons. And you got my love, Joke, I got all the time in the world for you. But straight up, I’d rather be up the mountain watchin’ my kids tear my house apart and my woman struttin’ around thinkin’ that shit’s cute when it’s not than down here with you, watchin’ you wallow in shit that’s history. You know how I feel about my Club. Think about that.”
Kane Allen was a wise man and a strong one, so Joker thought about it.
And Joker thought about Rider and Cutter and the fact that Tack was not lying. Those boys were hoodlums and neither of them had reached double digits yet.
He then thought about Tyra, her tight skirts, her ass in those tight skirts, the class act she was from top to toe, and the fact that the only man on earth she’d let tap her ass was sitting next to him.
And then he thought that he did not want to be the kind of man who wallowed in history. But he was thinking he was.
And last, Joker thought all of that was something to think about.