This man was not the man for me.
The revelation was not as shocking as it should have been. I was not hit with some bolt of lightning, some burning bush answering the questions of my universe. It was just a final, capitulating acknowledgement of a truth I’d been aware of for months. A plinking of a guitar string. A point of light disappearing, as if I’d turned off the TV.
I had pulled myself together by then, enough to say calmly, “Fine, Devin. I’m not quitting my job. I guess I can’t do that when you’ve already fired me anyway.”
“Well, that’s the first sensible thing you’ve said all day.”
I took a deep breath and said, “Glad you think so, because here’s another one. I may not be quitting my job, but I am, however, quitting you.” At that, I slipped the diamond ring off my finger and placed it on his desk.
Devin looked as though he were stunned… but not devastated. Strangest thing was, I wasn’t feeling so torn up, either. I was calmer than I would’ve anticipated, not even angry anymore about being fired, much less the demise of our engagement. Of course I was upset, and I figured he must have been, too. But in that moment, we both realized we’d been kidding ourselves.
After a long pause, Devin met my eyes and said, “You know I always thought you’d leave this place. Just not like this.”
“What do you mean? I didn’t even know I was leaving until a minute ago, and it wasn’t really my choice.”
“If I held you back, Layla… I just want you to know it wasn’t because I didn’t think you were good enough. If you want to know the truth, I always knew this day would come. I just figured you’d be the one to make that decision. Would it change anything if I told you that’s the real reason I’m letting you go? That I was tired of waiting around for you to choose something better?”
“You’re letting me go so you don’t have to wait around for me to leave?”
“Well, when you put it that way…”
He gave me a strained smile, and I found myself sad about having to leave Howell, the breakup… lots of things.
“You were always cut out for a better job than this. I guess I just hoped that you’d think part of that ‘better job’ would be as my wife. Taking on the world, taking care of our home, taking care of me. I thought you’d want it all.” He rolled the ring around in his fingertips, and my heart genuinely went out to him. I still have no idea why, but this man had wanted to marry me. Maybe not the real me, but me nonetheless, and I’m no picnic to deal with. He at least deserved credit for that.
“I want to thank you, Devin, for the past two years, for being a good boyfriend to me. Really, I mean that.” I grasped his hand warmly and was actually able to offer a small smile. “I also want to thank you for being a decent boss the past three.”
Believe it or not, I truly harbored no ill will toward him. I’d been in the wrong job and the wrong relationship, and that wasn’t his fault. I made those choices. It’s not that he was a bad guy. He’d loved me in the only way he knew how, the only way he was capable of. Fact of the matter was, we just weren’t the right fit. And his lack of argument showed that he was smart enough to know it, too.
I released his hand to conclude, “But we both know this isn’t the way things are supposed to be.”
Devin’s mouth was set in a firm line, and I could only guess what he was thinking. He considered the ring in his hand, and then he looked at me. “We were good together, you and I,” he offered through an awkward smile.
It was a stand-up move, a gracious thing to say. I’d just dropped a bomb on him with the breakup, and he had every excuse to tear me a new one. Yet there he was, in full control of his faculties, playing the gentleman. He deserved a woman who could appreciate that about him.
It’s just that I wasn’t her anymore.
“Yeah, Devin, we were good,” I agreed. “But we both deserve better than that, you know.”
Chapter 26
BOUNCE
Devin and I finished our farewell speeches, but I figured such an abrupt end to our affiliation wouldn’t stand forever. These things take time. The longer you’re in a relationship, the more time it takes to wean off of it. We still had some talking to do, and we still needed to extricate our few belongings from each other’s apartments.
The severing of ties to my job, however, was instantaneous. It took all of ten minutes to pack up my desk, say goodbye to Rajani, and leave. I looked like a bad caricature of a canned employee with my box of personal items, half-dead plant sticking out the top and all. At least Devin hadn’t called security to monitor my exodus, which was pretty standard protocol for something like that. God forbid a disgruntled ex-employee made off with an unauthorized roll of company toilet paper. But Devin must have decided to take mercy on me and let me handle my departure on my own.