So, what was this, really? Was he just taking a crack at stirring up the old chemistry between us, viewing me as a challenge, trying to see if he could get me to cave? It had probably been years since he had to actually work to get a girl into bed.
I assessed the look on his face, tried to read his intentions. There was something disturbingly familiar about the words he’d just spoken. I want you, I’ve always wanted you? It felt like he was reading off a script, feeding me a line.
Is he acting right now?
I gave him a long, hard look before asking, “Trip, what is this?”
I’d shifted out of his grasp, allowing a few inches between us. His hands were still around my waist, but they’d stopped moving. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, what are you trying to do here exactly?”
My blood started to simmer, the fear and insecurity turning to anger, taking root and spreading out to every corner of my being, gathering heat and strength like a Category 5 hurricane.
Trip tried to defuse the storm. “Nothing, Lay. Just trying to give you what you want.”
I could lie to myself, but the scary truth was, I had wanted this… and I’d been a willing accomplice to my own demise. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I asked, rehooking my bra and buttoning my blouse. “Give me what I want? What am I, some sort of charity case?”
Before he could respond, the phone rang, jostling us out of the last of our trance.
And even though I knew who was calling, I answered.
Trip watched while I talked to Devin. I tried to ignore the disbelieving look he was aiming at me while I did it, as I attempted like all hell to sound normal. “Hello?... Yep, just got in… Oh, you’re just heading to the airport now? Jeez, the redeye, huh?... Yes, I got your message. Just now, actually. So, you’ll… Okay, yes, I’ll see you at work tomorrow… Mmm hmm. Okay. Have a safe flight. Bye.”
I hung up with my fiancé and turned hesitant eyes to Trip. He was leaning against my wall, still shirtless, looking like a fallen god.
Talk about awkward.
I had no idea what to do as he stared me down, jaw slack, incredulous. Finally, he broke the silence. “You’re really not going to tell him, are you.”
“Of course not! Wait. Tell him what?”
He crossed his arms, defiant. “That you don’t love him.”
“That’s none of your business,” I shot back, defensively.
He started pacing around my living room, pulling his shirt back on roughly, running his hands through his hair. “I think it’s very much my business! Jesus, Lay. Live your life! Don’t just let it be decided for you. Make a choice for godsakes.”
“I’ve been making my own choices for years now, Trip.”
He stopped. Frozen in place. Trying to read my words. “And you chose him.”
I heard my voice crack as I answered, “I chose him.”
He actually winced, defeated, as if my words had slapped him. I was so confused, I didn’t know what to say. Yes, Trip. I chose him. I chose to live my life, never thinking you’d someday be walking back into it. I chose a career and an apartment and what to eat and wear all on my own because I never allowed myself to believe that I could choose you. Please don’t ask me right now to throw that all away for just one night of make-believe.
I wanted to cry, the hurt ran so deep. I was crazy about this man, but the stakes were just too high. He was asking me to risk my entire life for just one night in bed with him. I mean, yeah. It would be an incredible night. But still. Maybe the life I’d built was only a house of cards, but it was my life. The life I’d made for myself. Trip was a steamroller in that regard. A beautiful, sexy, adorable steamroller.
I actually weighed the options much longer than I should have.
My body moved on auto-pilot, opening the door to see him out. He looked at me in astonishment, like he couldn’t believe I was sending him on his way. Truth was, neither could I. But how could he expect me to do anything other than that? How could he even ask?
His eyes were chips of ice as he gave me a sidelong stare. “We both deserve better than this.”
This was nothing more than a fleeting moment in time. After everything we’d been through, the memories from years ago to the actuality of the past few weeks—all the tender touches, the knowing smiles, the laughs and tears and heartache—This was all we were left with.
He was right. We both deserved better.
He grabbed his jacket off the area rug, but stopped before he was completely out the door. “Look. This isn’t the final word on this. I’m going to wait for you at the hotel tonight. If you don’t show up, then it’s final. I’ll walk away and respect your decision.”
My heart actually cracked at the thought, and I fought the frustrated tears that threatened an appearance. What were we doing?
He tipped my chin up, forcing my eyes to meet his. “But when you do show, then I’ll have my answer. I think you’ll feel differently by then. I think you’ll realize how much we both want this.”
When, not if.
Cocky bastard.
Chapter 25
UNBREAKABLE