“You’re becoming awfully flexible with the ‘mom’ term, don’t you think?” she states flatly.
“Yeah, and you’re becoming awfully flexible with calling me during hours when most people are sleeping.” Adrian shakes his head and takes the broom from my hand and starts cleaning up the coffee grounds as I continue this back-and-forth with Raven.
“It’s getting late, get your butt to the beach.” Yoga. Shit.
“Crap, I forgot. I’m sorry. Now, when you say ‘beach,’ at what plot of sand in the nearly 560 miles of Cape Cod coastline am I supposed to find you?” I grin and Adrian smacks my butt with the dustpan.
“Don’t be a smartass, November. Meet me at our usual spot.” Click.
It’s true. We have a usual spot for this sort of thing. And, unfortunately, it’s the same spot I played my guitar at sunrise two weeks ago. I wish myself good luck as Adrian pretends to sweep me out the door. He’s got his computer with him, as always, and will do work while I’m cleansing my aura with Raven. Super.
*
“Root your feet in the sand, Sweetie,” Raven instructs as I slip off my Chacos.
“I’m familiar with the process,” I grumble.
“Clearly you haven’t been keeping up on your practice. Start in Tadasana,” she scolds in a meditative tone. She’s already in the zone.
Raven flows through the sequences, and I realize how long it’s been since I’ve centered myself in any way. I’m off-balance and uncomfortable. I feel like a beginner. In more ways than one.
“You’re struggling...just breathe, Honey. Adho Mukha Svanasana,” Raven dips her head gracefully.
“I don’t speak Sanskrit.”
“Downward Facing Dog, Ember, just do it.”
As soon as my heels find the sand and my hips find the sun, the tears come. Peppering the soft sand, they cloud my vision. She leaves us head-down for longer than necessary and, for that, I’m grateful. I feel the last two weeks wring from my body like a saturated washcloth and I want to leave it all in the sand. It’s clear that Bo isn’t forgiving himself for what happened between us. Two weeks ago I wanted him to see my bloody face every day in his mind. Suddenly, I don’t want that for him. I’ve mulled over the entire situation for long enough.
I still have questions, but I don’t care if they’re ever answered. Some of them can’t be answered. Regardless of what’s happening with Adrian, I want peace for Bo. He’s been through enough in his life and doesn’t need a bitter ex-girlfriend spitting all over his efforts. We’re in each other’s lives for the foreseeable future, and I want that to be as pleasant as possible, while retaining solid emotional boundaries. I almost regret the tone I used with him on the phone this morning, but I still feel it was the only way for me to reassert that we can’t be a “we” again. Raven hears me sniff.
“Now we’re getting somewhere...Utkatasana ...” Her breath and her voice are one.
As I raise myself to Chair Pose, I let the sun illuminate, then dry, my tears. As we head into Warrior Pose, I feel my soul rip off her lingering bandages. We’re forging ahead together this time, as one.
“All right Baby Blue, Balasana to Savasana.”
As I mold myself from Child’s Pose and sink into the sand for Corpse Pose, I feel grounded. I feel more like me than I have in a year. Or Five.
Suddenly, the flutter of my eyelids tells me I dozed off. Score. I prop myself on my elbows and see Raven sitting on the edge of the waves. I walk to her and sit down.
“I needed that,” I start, “but you knew that.”
She rocks her shoulder into mine. “Just because we’re not around a lot doesn’t mean I’ve lost touch, you know. You’re still my soul sister, Baby Girl.”
I lay my head on her shoulder and take a deep breath before standing and brushing the sand from myself.
“I can’t believe how warm the Atlantic is sometimes,” Raven says as she stands to join me.
“That’s because this is Nantucket Sound.” I try to hide my laughter but don’t get very far.
Raven rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “It’s good to know there are some things yoga can’t erase—like your charming sarcasm.”
*
Bo
“You’re absolutely not going, Bowan!” Rae follows me through the house.
“Get over yourself, Rae. I’m a damn adult and will do whatever I want.”
“I should have never told you she was playing this weekend ...” Rae shakes her head with her hands on her hips.
“No, I’m glad you heard that. I still don’t understand why she needed to have a private chat with Turner after the meeting.” Apparently, not being at the meeting had its disadvantages.
Rae’s face blanches as she fills her chest with a contemplative sigh.
“What, Rae?” The hair on the back of my neck starts to rise. “Rae, you’re not telling me something.”
“It’s nothing. They’re friends, right? November and Adrian, I mean ...” She bites her lip.
I stand in solid silence, staring through her. My eyes narrow as she fidgets with her hands. Finally, she clicks her tongue in defeat.