Unbelievable, I sigh inwardly. There isn’t any jealousy, just simply sibling rivalry. “You wouldn’t hold me to my promise to act as your girlfriend? Why? You told me that you needed me to pretend for twelve months. Why the change of heart?”
My mind is whirling with panic at the thought of not being his ‘pretend’ girlfriend anymore. Will he ask me to leave? Surely he won’t. He knows I have nowhere else to go.
“Carla, please calm down.” His gaze searches my face and softens with reassurance. “No matter what happens about our agreement this is your home for as long as you want it to be, okay? The only way you will leave is if you want to, not because I’ve asked you to. That will never happen.” He pauses. “So there is something between you and Sebastian?” He raises an eyebrow.
A heated blush fills my cheeks and for a moment, I think of lying to Ramon, but we’ve never lied to each other. Finally I say, “He makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. He frightens me with what he makes me feel. We haven’t exchanged bodily fluids – yet, but I’m frightened if I keep seeing him we will and I don’t know what to do about it.”
I turn into Ramon and stare into his eyes to show him that I’m committed to my promises. “I promised you I would see the twelve months out, but it’s getting harder every time I see him. I know he’s struggling as well because you’re his brother and he feels like he’s betraying you.” I swipe at a loose tear as it runs down my cheek, which Ramon follows with his eyes.
“I’m sorry Carla. I had no idea any of this would happen when I asked you to help me out,” he apologizes as he takes the seat next to me and starts to rub my back in a soothing motion.
“Can I ask you a question and get an honest to god’s answer?” I watch him closely for his reaction while I sit up and secure my hair into a band at the back of my head. I could do with a shower as well, but that will have to wait.
“I guess,” he agrees on a sigh as he watches me nervously.
“Why did you want me to act as your–” I raise my hand to keep him quiet as he opens his mouth, “girlfriend? At the time I thought it was to explain your reason for me living with you and also to protect me if Gary showed up to finish what he started in Canada, but every now and again I get the feeling there’s something you’re not telling me.”
His hands slip from my back where they have stopped their comforting circle. Instead, they move to his neck where he uses both hands to rub at it, a sign that he’s uncomfortable. “My parents.”
He lets out a heavy sigh then laughs before looking back at me. “Or rather my Mom. She wants all her sons married and to supply her with grandbabies. She’s been even worse since Michael and Lily tied the knot. It’s not that easy for me. My life isn’t really what my parents would want for me or rather my choice in life partner.”
Life partner? Life partner? Is he admitting to what I’ve suspected all along?
How do I ask? Because I think I need it spelling out to me.
“Um, Ramon,” God this is difficult, “Noah’s gay,” I blurt out to a stunned Ramon who after a minute starts laughing. “Are you?” Well, that shuts him up.
“Fuck. Yeah,” he whispers so seriously. “You might as well know, I’m gay,” Ramon chokes out, leaving the kitchen and moving into the attached living room. He collapses on to the sofa.
I watch Ramon for a few minutes then slip from the stool and walk over to him, taking the seat beside him. I rest my head on his shoulder as he wraps his arm around me and pulls me into him.
Cuddling against his chest, I ask, “Why can’t you tell them Ramon? They’re your family and love you. It might take a short while, but they’ll come around.” I squeeze his waist in reassurance, “You may have to put up with your brothers being an ass, but at the end of the day, you’re from a close-knit family and whatever happens with your announcement everything will work out with them eventually. You must know that?”
He kisses me on the head. “It isn’t that easy. I’m a grown man and kept it from them for years, since I was nineteen. So for eleven years, I’ve been lying to my family.”
I push myself up slightly from his chest to meet his eyes. “Ramon, you haven’t really lied. All you’ve done is kept it to yourself. Wait a minute. I’ve seen you with Sylvia. Whenever she walks in a room your whole body reacts…and don’t tell me otherwise because I’ve seen you on more than one occasion.”
Ramon pulls me back down to him before he answers. “You’re right. I’m not sure what’s going on with her. I feel a connection, but it scares the shit out of me. I’ve never been in a relationship with a woman and I’m not sure I’m capable of being in one. I’ve been with women, more than I care to admit, usually with another guy present,” he says with a shaky laugh. “Shit, I can’t believe I’ve just admitted that to you.”
“It was probably easier than you thought it would be considering I know what you and Noah used to get up to.”