Racing for Freedom

chapter Five



I find the beach and drop down onto the sand, putting my head in my hands. I’m so humiliated. He made out like that night was nothing but a joke, when to me, it was everything. I was just a young girl wanting love, from the person she thought would give it to her, but he didn’t. Well…he did…and then he left and when he came back, he treated me like we never shared anything.

I can see him in the corner with Mary, I wish to god he would just turn and look at me. I picked this dress, it took me all afternoon to find it and it’s beautiful. It’s tight, sexy and everything men would want to see. He hasn’t noticed though, he’s still running his hands all over her. I take another drink, fire fills my belly. I’m jealous, I’m angry and I’m hurt. I begin dancing with every man I can find, until finally he notices me.

He comes over, his dark brown hair is falling over his forehead in that messy but perfect way. His blue green eyes are twinkling with amusement. He thinks it’s funny that I’m dancing with other men. He’s not jealous at all. Not like me. Maybe our hearts are in different places. Maybe they always have been. I shove him away when he tries to pull me towards the door, insisting I go with him.

“Dash, move, come on.”

His voice is angry now, like suddenly it’s no longer a joke. He gets me outside and onto a quiet spot in the yard. There’s no one out here and it’s dark and secluded. He shoves me until we are against the back fence, then he leans in and begins asking me what the hell I’m doing here and why I’m dancing with random men.

“Go away Slade, what does it matter to you who I dance with?”

“It matters because you’re better than this! You’re too good for them.”

“But not good enough for you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

The alcohol is in my head now and I’m feeling a lot…stronger. I shove his chest and growl, “I’m not good enough for you. I picked this dress, I did my hair, I made myself beautiful, for you, and you didn’t notice. You never notice. All you see is a friend, a sister, someone you can hang out with. I want to be so much more, I’ve been wanting you since the day I turned sixteen. I’ve wanted to make love with you and…”

“Dash, what are you talking about?”

“You don’t see me, do you?”

He strokes my cheek. “I see you Dash, but…I don’t want to hurt you and…”

“I want you to be my first and you won’t even look at me.”

“Dash…”

“You won’t even kiss me. I want you Slade, I want every part of you.”

He grips my face. “Dash, you can’t…we can’t.”

“Why not?” I whisper, leaning close and brushing my lips against his. He groans.

“No Dash, I mean it.”

I lean in and press my lips against his neck and he groans.

“I don’t want no, Slade, I want yes.”

“Dash, please, don’t…I said no.”

I grip his chest, running my hands over the hard plains.

“I want you, Slade, I want you.”

“Dash, come on, stop.” He whispers, but he’s breaking. I keep going.

“You tell me why, and I’ll stop.”

“Because, it’s just not…I don’t want it.”

“You want it when those girls inside touch you,” I murmur, pressing my lips against his.

He groans and tries to grip my shoulders, but I press my lips harder against his and his hands move lower.

“Those girls aren’t you.”

I press my lips to his fully now and he groans, tangling his fingers in my hair and pulling me close. Our lips slide across each other’s and oh, it’s exactly how I imagined it to be. His body is pressed against mine, and my back is against the fence. I groan and press myself further against him and he responds with a groan of his own, before wrenching his lips away.

“Dash, come on, please stop.”

“Don’t, give me a reason why not, just let me have you.”

Frenzy takes over then and we begin touching and pulling at each other. It’s not slow and beautiful like it should be, it’s fast and desperate. His fingers are gripping my dress and pulling it up, my fingers are gripping his pants and pulling them down. I hear the crackling of a condom wrapper and then my legs are around his hips, he’s gentle but hard as he slides inside me. Pain tears through my body, quickly followed by pleasure. He begins moving faster, harder and my body comes to life.

“Slade, oh god, more.”

He’s grunting, his hips are thrusting and he’s murmuring things I don’t understand. It’s perfect and yet it’s so wrong. This isn’t how I imagined it to be. I wanted him to take me home and put me in bed, to kiss me everywhere, to make it special. Yet, part of me finds this so special, because the frenzy is out of this world. His body is out of this world. His lips are out of this world and he feels so good against me, inside me.

“Slade, more,” I whimper, running my hands down his chest.

“Dash, god, I can’t…”

He groans and I feel him pulsing as I begin clenching around him with my own release. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before, it’s mind blowing, heart stopping, gut wrenching. When he stops groaning, he lets me down and I adjust myself. He fiddles about for a moment, and then he pulls up his jeans and glares at me with such force it shocks me.

“Why do you make me do that, Dash?”

“I didn’t make you do anything!”

“I said…I said it wasn’t a good idea. This isn’t a good idea. Do you understand?”

Hot tears burn in my eyes.

“It was to me, it was all I wanted.”

“You wanted to be f*cked against a fence?”

“Well no but…”

“Why do you push?” he roars. “Why do you push when you’re told no?”

“Because…I thought you wanted it too,” I whisper.

“I didn’t!” he snarls. “I didn’t, but you wouldn’t listen. You didn’t listen. You never listen.”

“Slade,” I whisper, feeling tears spill down my cheeks.

“I don’t want you, Dash, I don’t…do you hear me?”

My eyes burn. So all that was to him, was sex? That’s it? He glares at me once more and then he disappears into the darkness and I fall to my knees and scream.