Pull

Chapter Twenty-seven
Alyssa
I couldn’t stop smiling. The hurt that was ever-present, the
memorial I kept with me was slowly fading and although I was
sad, I felt like it was time. And I had Demetri to thank for it. He
made me want to smile. He made me feel like it was okay to be
happy.
I twirled in front of the mirror. In a moment of panic I’d
texted Holly for help on what to wear for the party. She’d come to
my rescue as all girls should when another girl has a fashion crisis,
and I was again reminded how much I missed having girlfriends.
“It looks great,” Holly said from my bed. She’d asked if she
could come over early and get ready. Apparently Demetri invited
the entire group to his party, which was kind of awesome of him.
Could the guy do any wrong? I couldn’t match his personality now
with the rumors floating around about him. I’d had a weak
moment and searched the Internet at Mom and Dad’s store only to
find tons of things I’d rather have not known. It was obvious he
had a past, but it wasn’t my business. Besides, his hands were
sweating when he asked me to be his date, which meant he was
still human, and he was all mine.
“Thanks, Holly.” I walked over the bed and sat. My dress
crunched a bit. It was a strapless baby doll style dress. It was black
and silver with pieces of hanging material across the bodice making
it look kind of grunge and trendy. My heels were red. All in all, it
wasn’t something I would normally pick out for myself, but Nat
insisted. She had it overnighted just in case it wasn’t the right size,
and I needed to get it altered.
It fit perfect, and I felt really confident in it. I even let Holly
do some of my makeup. I hoped Demetri would feel proud to have
me on his arm.
Holly played with the fringe on her pale pink skirt. She
wasn’t talking much.
“Are you feeling okay?” I asked, suddenly concerned when
tears welled in her eyes.
She bit her lip and nodded. Strands of her chunky blond-
and brown-highlighted hair fell over her eye. “I’m fine, just feeling
kind of… off. It’s probably nerves about the party.”
Just then the doorbell rang. “Come on.” I grabbed her hand.
“We’ve gotta get through group first!”
I almost tripped down the stairs. It had been a while since I
wore heels. Dad glanced at me just as he reached for the door. His
mouth dropped open, he shook his head no a few times and then
walked off in a daze.
“I think I just put him in shock,” I said to Holly.
She laughed. “Imagine what it will do to Demetri.”
“That’s probably my dad’s problem — he was imagining
what Demetri would do.” He was probably going to complain to
my mom later about my dress. But I imagined her hugging me
more than reprimanding me.
I opened the door and came face to face with Sam.
“Hey!” I gave him a hug. Geez, if I didn’t stop smiling
people were going to think I was on drugs.
“Um, hi.” His eyes took in my dress and then his smile
widened. “You look great, Alyssa. Demetri’s going to have a
stroke.”
I felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment as I looked away
from Sam.
“Can… um…” Sam looked passed me to Holly and then
grabbed my arm. “Can we go somewhere and talk really quick?”
“Sure.” I shrugged. “Holly, can you let everyone in?”
“Sure thing.” She saluted as I led Sam away from the door
and upstairs to my room.
Once we were inside I closed the door. “What’s up, Sam?”
“I can’t do this.” Sam paced in front of me.
“Do what?” My stomach dropped when I saw his eyes well
with tears.
“Damn, I just can’t do it anymore, Alyssa. It’s killing me.
You have no idea! I thought I was protecting you! That’s all I’ve
ever done is protect you! Make him into a damn martyr and wait
for you to admit it was me you liked, not him. Damn, I knew you
loved him. I just wanted you to love me too. But in the end I
couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it. Damn regrets.”
I’d never heard Sam curse. Not once. Was he high? “Sam,
what are you talking about?”
“Six years,” he whispered hoarsely. “Six years I’ve been in
love with you. The last year you spent with Brady was the hardest.
I mean, he was my little brother. I couldn’t exactly move in on his
girlfriend, and then when everything happened, my feelings just
faded. I mean, I loved you, but you weren’t you anymore. You
know what I mean? The girl I fell in love with died right along with
my brother. And it was too damn painful to be around you,
because your smile was gone and it was his fault. All his fault. He
took his heart with you when he died and I was so afraid you’d
never get it back.”
“Why are you telling me this now?” I asked, voice shaking
with emotion. I wasn’t sure what I was. Angry? Confused? Hurt?
“Regrets. We’ve been talking about regrets in group. Want
to know what mine was?”
Not really. No. Because it may just take away the smile on
my face.
“I regretted not telling you how I felt about you, and then I
regretted not being the guy to pull you out of it. I abandoned you,
and I’m ashamed I did. I mean, I was still here working and
keeping an eye on you, but it was never for Brady. I mean, I lied to
you when I said that. He never asked me to. He wouldn’t have
asked me to even given the opportunity. Every day I saw you I felt
worse and worse for keeping things from you, things about him,
but then I was afraid if I told you, you’d finally be pushed too far,
and no one would be able to pull you out of the depression.”
“Sam!” I fisted my hands at my sides. “What do you mean
the things you didn’t tell me?”
“Not now.” Sam pulled an envelope out of his pocket and
put it on my dresser. “I don’t even know what’s right anymore,
Alyssa. But I had to get it off my chest. Please forgive me for lying
to you. Forgive me for being selfish, and forgive me for not being
the friend you needed.”
“You’re already forgiven.” The words fell from my mouth
without effort and I meant them. I had no idea Sam felt that way
about me or what type of relationship he’d had with Brady. I’d
always assumed they were like best friends. I guess this was all the
information I was getting from Sam tonight. He stormed out of my
room and said thank you, but not before I saw some stray tears slip
down his face.
With shaking hands I lifted the packet from my dresser. It
wasn’t addressed to me, but there was a sticky note on it that said
I’m sorry.
“Surprise.” Demetri put his hands over my eyes. His voice
was unmistakable. Sometimes I swear it seemed like he was singing
instead of talking, his voice was so smooth. The package fell from
my hands, momentarily forgotten.
I turned around in his arms and kissed him. “Happy
Birthday.”
“Where’s my present?” His naughty hands moved up and
down my body and then he cursed. “Damn, you even wrapped
yourself up. How am I ever going to get you out of these clothes
when you look so perfect?”
I tried to wriggle out of his arms, but he held me firm while
he continued to stare at every part of my body from my shoes all
the way to my dress, and finally his gaze fell on my hair and then
my lips. “God above, you are absolutely breathtaking.”
Shrugging, I replied. “I wanted to look pretty for your
birthday.”
Demetri rolled his eyes. “You look pretty even when you
snore.”
Laughter echoed from downstairs. I punched him. “I do not
snore.”
“I’d like to find out.” I should have said I already did, but I
wanted to see if she let me stay over again.
“Someone took their confidence pills today.”
He shrugged. “‘Course I did. They were sitting right next to
my damn sexy pills, and we know I never forget those.”
Demetri laughed and pulled me into a hug. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” If I didn’t stop smiling, my face was
going to be permanently frozen in this position.
“What’s that?” Demetri’s brows furrowed as he looked
down at the ground. My eyes followed.
“Crap.” I picked up the envelope and threw it onto my
dresser. “That is drama. Something I have no desire to even look at
on this special day.”
“You sure?” He looked behind me and reached for the
packet, seeming more interested then he should be.
I blocked his reach. “I’m sure. Now let’s go start group so we
can go to your party!”
He grinned and picked me up, twirling me around the room.
“Fine, you’ve convinced me. I like you, Lyss.”
“Like you too.” I bit my lip as he dropped me and grabbed
his hand, and we made our way down the stairs.
“Let’s party!” Aaron announced from the living room. I’d
put some snacks together and told my parents that they needed to
stay in the den so that we could all have privacy.
Demetri shook his head and took a seat next to Aaron. The
rest of us gathered around. “Okay, so this meeting will be short,
because you know, it is a very special day.”
“You got a promotion?” Connor teased.
“Wait, I’ve got it.” Aaron snapped his fingers. “You don’t
have to sing the jingle anymore?”
“Hilarious.” Demetri smirked. “Birthday boy, right here.”
He pointed at himself and then leaned back in the chair and sighed.
“Regrets. We talked about them at our last meeting. You know,
before I snuck all of you out of my house. Tonight…” He cleared
his throat. “I want to talk about fear.”
Again the room was silent. Even I was shifting in my seat.
How did he know so much about grief? It felt like you always went
through those phases, denial, anger, fear, regret… I watched as
Demetri’s eyes hooded for a brief second when he glanced at me.
He soon jerked back to attention and addressed the group.
“I’m afraid of ostriches. Just ask Alyssa. Oh yeah, and emus.
But to be honest, I’d take an emu any day over feeling the gripping
out of control feeling fear leaves you with. After you struggle with
something hard… like addiction or losing someone you love,
suddenly you realize nothing is certain in life. Nothing is real.
Clearly, I took the pansy way out and started pushing away life
and numbing myself to it. Today I want us to talk about healthy
ways to deal with our fear.”
“Taffy.” I joked without thinking.
Demetri’s eyes warmed. “Yes, that’s a good one. I eat taffy to
keep addictions at bay. Addictions were my way of coping with
fear and loss. What else? Anyone?”
Holly raised her hand. “Avoidance.”
“That’s not healthy,” Sam interjected looking more upset
than I’d seen him all night. Geez, what was with him tonight?
“I know,” Holly mumbled. Tears streamed down her cheeks.
“So why do you keep doing it?” Sam yelled. “Why do you
avoid the truth? Why don’t you tell everyone? Do you think this
makes it better? Do you think this makes me feel better?” He stood
and pointed his finger at her. Connor grabbed him and jerked him
away.
“Cool off, dude! What’s your problem?”
“Life!” Sam yelled. “That and the fact that I’m so tired of
secrets.” His eyes closed as he took a shuddering breath. “Aren’t
you, Holly? Aren’t you tired of secrets?”
Nobody said anything. Sam cursed. “Whatever. I’m out of
here.”
“Sam, wait.” Holly ran after him, leaving just Demetri,
Connor, Aaron, and me.
“Anyone care to explain?” Demetri said raising his hands in
the air in defeat.
Aaron shook his head. “Not my business to tell, man. But
she’s been acting really upset ever since our last meeting.” He gave
a slight nod to Demetri who nodded back. What was going on?
We all waited for ten minutes, but nobody came back.
Demetri checked his watch just as Aaron received a text message.
“She’s going home.” Aaron cursed. “Alright, guess we aren’t
partying. I’ll see you guys later.” He walked out just as Sam walked
back in.
“Sorry,” Sam mumbled. And that was it. He didn’t offer any
explanation.
“Alright.” Demetri stood abruptly. “I guess it’s just us. Party
at my house.”
I reached for his hand but didn’t feel like partying as much
anymore. Something was bothering Sam. Did it have to do with the
packet he gave me? My fingers itched to go grab it and read it, but
fear held me back. What if it was something horrible? What if it
ruined my good mood? For once, I didn’t actually want to think
about the past or about Brady. I squeezed Demetri’s hand. I wanted
to be there for him on his birthday.
“You okay?” He kissed my cheek.
“Yup!” I offered my best smile. “Time to celebrate being
old!”
Demetri laughed and tugged me towards the front door.
****
“Holy crap.” We’d just pulled up to Demetri’s house. I’d
never seen it looking so… famous? Was that the right word? Lights
lit up the entire house, torches lined the sidewalk, and there were
chic pieces of furniture out front with blankets, and candles on each
table. It was the perfect place to watch the waves. “Alec went kind
of… crazy.” I gulped when I saw all the photographers outside.
“Unbelievable.” Demetri muttered a curse. “I thought Alec
took care of the paparazzi.”
My eyes took in about twenty people, all with cameras,
waiting outside the house. “Yeah, apparently not.”
“Can you do this?” Demetri turned off the car and reached
for my hand. “It will be really quick, I promise. Smile, nod your
head, and don’t say anything, okay? Even if they say I’m a bastard
and carrying Selena Gomez’s love child, just keep smiling.”
I burst out laughing. “If someone said that I would die
laughing, so no worries there. Selena Gomez, huh?”
“One of the many rumors. Believe me. I bet Justin Bieber
was getting ready to kick my ass.”
“That…” I kissed his cheek. “I would pay to see.”
“You and millions of girls worldwide.” He winked.
“Let’s go, birthday boy, before your head gets too big for this
car.”
The minute we got out of the car the cameras started
flashing, nearly blinding me with their intensity. To say I was
scared would be a huge understatement. I mean, these people were
so interested in Demetri, they were camping outside of his house!
We walked hand and hand towards the front door. A reporter
lunged for us. “Is it true, Demetri? Are you proposing tonight?”
I stifled a laugh. While Demetri answered. “Yes, right after I
find out if the baby’s a boy or girl.”
The reporter gasped and then narrowed her eyes. “Very
funny.”
Demetri patted her on the back. “I thought so. Now, Clara,
we’re on a first name basis, I mean, I buy your photographer coffee
every other Saturday.”
“Thanks, bro!” someone shouted.
“No problem.” Demetri focused back on Clara as the lights
continued to flash. “Think you could try to keep the crowd from
going crazy? I mean, it is my birthday.” His heart-stopping smile
nearly had me gasping for air.
“Damn you, Demetri Daniels, and damn your smile.” Clara
nudged him and took a large step back. The rest somehow followed
suit making it easier for us to get inside the house.
“You’re here!” Nat screamed launching herself into
Demetri’s arms. I was suddenly super grateful I knew she and Alec
were in love. The girl was gorgeous and was at this moment
hugging the guy I liked as if he was the best thing since Starbucks
was invented.
“Sucks, huh?” Alec said. I didn’t even know he was next to
me.
“What?”
“Their connection. I used to hate it, but now, I’m thankful.
I’m glad they love each other. Considering the alternative.”
“What’s the alternative?” I asked, finally looking at him.
He shrugged. “They hate each other and try to kill one
another each time we’re in the same room together. That would be
worse.”
“Valid point.” Sighing, I shrugged out of my jacket while
Nat and Demetri talked a mile a minute.
“Let me take that.” Alec grabbed my jacket and then placed
his hand on the small of my back as he walked me into the house.
Around twenty strangers were scattered about, lounging on
the couches and sitting outside on the deck. A few were in the hot
tub. All in all, it seemed like a normal party. Yes, normal, if normal
parties had attendees who looked like they just stepped out of
Gossip Girl.
“Hmm…” I said aloud.
“Hmm, is right. Most of these people have to be here in
order to gain some type of publicity for new records or shows that
are dropping this fall, so for the most part…”
“So no friends?”
“Five, five I would count as a friend.”
How sad. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.
“Speaking of friends,” he mumbled under his breath just as
a guy sauntered over to us.”
“Tell me she’s going to be on the show.” Holy crap, the guy
looked like Robert Pattinson. He even had the British accent.
“Undecided,” Alec answered for me. “Alyssa, meet
Jaymeson.”
“Oh, the action star who has to master the American accent
for all his films. It’s a pleasure.” I held out my hand, but he didn’t
take it. Instead he stared at me closely for at least two minutes. Do I
pull my hand back? What the heck was I supposed to do?
Finally he took my hand and pulled me forward so I was
only inches from his face. “You don’t belong to Alec. I’ve already
met Nat. She’s outspoken, like you. Please, I’m begging. Tell me
you aren’t taken.”
“By the birthday boy himself,” Demetri said from behind
me. “Hands off, Jaymeson.”
“What’s a guy gotta do these days? Hole up in Seaside and
wait for a hot woman to walk by?” Jamie released my hand and
cursed. “I swear you guys are the luckiest bastards.”
“We know,” Demetri said squeezing my shoulders.
I leaned back into him. He made me feel protected and
wanted. I wondered why Alec would throw him a party with
perfect strangers when really all he probably wanted to do was
spend it with us.
“Friends’ party commences in five,” Demetri said in my ear.
“Friends’ party?” I repeated.
“Yup.” Alec winked.
“Let’s blow this popsicle stand!” Nat said walking up to us
with her fingers pointed as guns into the air.
“Excuse her.”Alec pulled Nat into his arms and kissed her
hard on the mouth. “She’s had two lattes, and I just caught her
taking a straight-up shot of espresso.”
“Why, Nat? Why?” Demetri threw his hands into the air.
“You get Nat patrol tonight. It’s my birthday, so when she wants to
hang out at four a.m., it’s your job, dude.” He pointed at Alec who
was now having a heck of a time keeping Nat still.
“My job and my curse.” Alec smirked in my direction. I felt
my face heat. Geez, how could it not? The guy was beautiful and
famous and… It was weird. He made me more nervous than
Demetri. With Demetri things felt amazing and comfortable.
“The party is here!” announced Connor and Sam from the
door. Surprisingly, Aaron and Holly followed behind. Maybe
everything was okay, after all?
“Friends’ party. It’s time.” Nat clapped. “Okay, everyone,
Jaymeson included, y’all can follow me!”