My eyes close and I let him take me to that wonderful place where anguish, self-torture, and histories do not exist. Miller’s realm.
I can feel his lips climbing up my body, leaving a scorching trail in their wake. ‘Please let me take a shower,’ I plead, not wanting to stop this, but also not relishing the thought of him worshipping my post-drunken body.
‘I showered you last night, Livy.’ He reaches my mouth and pays some attention to my lips before pulling back to look down at me. ‘I washed you, stripped your face back to the beauty I love, and I savoured every moment of it.’
My breath hitches at the word ‘love’. He said the word love, and I’m so disappointed that I missed him doing all of those things. He looked after me, even after my appalling performance last night.
Taking my hair, he lifts it, and I register the absence of straight, glossy locks, my usual wild waves back where they belong. He holds it to his nose and inhales deeply. Then he takes my hand and shows me my bare nails, no red nail polish in sight. ‘Pure, unspoilt beauty.’
‘You dried my hair and removed my polish? You keep nail polish remover?’
His lips tip. ‘I may have detoured to a twenty-four-hour store.’ He lifts to his knees, reaching over to the bedside cabinet to pick up a condom. ‘We needed to stock up on these, anyway.’
The mental image of Miller scanning the aisles of a shop for nail polish remover makes me smile. ‘Nail polish remover and condoms?’
He doesn’t entertain my amusement. ‘Shall we?’ he asks, ripping it open with his teeth and sliding it out.
‘Please,’ I breathe, not caring if I sound like I’m begging. We don’t have a time constraint, there’s really no rush, but I desperately want him.
He takes hold of his arousal on a small hiss and rolls on the condom before pushing me onto my front and spreading his body all over me. ‘From behind,’ he whispers, guiding one of my legs out and bending it upwards, opening me up to him. ‘Comfortable?’
‘Yes.’
‘Happy?’
‘I am.’
‘How do I make you feel, Livy?’ He shifts down my back and bites at my bottom, moulding my cheeks as he sucks and licks. ‘Tell me.’
‘Alive.’ I exhale the word on a fast rush of breath, turning my face outwards, as he climbs back up my body and sinks straight into me, making no noise whatsoever, whereas I cry out. ‘Miller!’
‘Shhhh, let me taste you.’ He hovers his mouth over mine, keeping his body still. My cheek on the pillow pushes forward to capture his lips, meeting him harder than I intended to. ‘Savoured, Livy. Never rushed.’ He takes over the speed, calming my frantic mouth with his gentle pace. ‘See? Slowly.’
‘I want you.’ I raise my bum, impatient. ‘Miller, I want you, please.’
‘Then you’ll have me.’ He retreats and drives forward slowly on a suppressed moan into my mouth. ‘Tell me what you want, Livy. Anything you want.’
‘Faster.’ I bite down on his lip, knowing there’s some ferocity in there somewhere. He always insists on taking it so slow, but I want to experience everything that he has to give. I want his moodiness and arrogance when he takes me. He pushes me to it, makes me crazy with desire, yet always keeps his head and control.
‘I’ve told you before, I like to take my time with you.’
‘Why?’
‘Because you deserve to be worshipped.’ He pushes himself up and slips out, sitting back on his heels before grasping at my h*ps and pulling me up. ‘You want deeper penetration?’ I’m on my knees, my back still to him. ‘Let’s see if we can satisfy you this way.’
I look over my shoulder to see him holding himself upright, looking down, the sight of his rippling stomach beyond the solid column of muscle he’s holding making me pant.
‘Rise and move back.’ He pulls on my hip, guiding me to him, until my kneeling body is straddling his lap. ‘Lower gently.’
My eyes close as I sink down onto him. ‘Ohhhhh,’ I groan, feeling him impale me, each fraction I lower pushing him deeper and deeper until I have to hold myself on my knees and take some steadying breaths. ‘Too deep,’ I pant. ‘It’s too deep.’
‘Does it hurt?’ His hands slide around my front and cup my br**sts.
‘A little.’
‘Take your time, Livy. Give your body time to accept me.’
‘It does accept you,’ I object. Every modicum of me accepts him. My mind, my body, my heart . . .
‘We have all the time in the world. Don’t rush it.’ He circles my ni**les and bites into my shoulder. My legs start to tremble, my muscles objecting to my held position, so I lower a little more, holding my breath and letting the back of my head fall onto his shoulder. One hand leaves my breast, dragging up my chest and onto my throat, his whole palm covering it.