We were about a month into the school year. Brad and I had a couple of classes together. During the second week of school, I caught him looking at me during class. He also started showing up around my locker a couple of times a day. He would say “hi” and smile, but that was it. After two weeks of this stalker behavior, I decided to take matters into my own hands.
It was the end of the day. I was at my locker. Out the corner of my eye, I saw him. He was standing about three yards away. I turned to him and smiled. “Didn’t your mother teach you it’s impolite to stare?” I said, with a bit of snark in my voice.
“I wasn’t staring. I was admiring.” As he sauntered over to me, a devilish smile slowly crept across his face. He came to a stop about a foot away.
“Wow, that’s quite a line.”
“It’s not a line.” He crossed his heart, trying to look sincere, “Scouts honor.”
“Scouts….um…fast, what troop were you in?” I asked, challenging him.
“Troop 543. My dad was our troop leader.”
I smiled and shook my head. “Why have you been stalking me?”
He leaned one shoulder against the lockers and smirked. He took his time saying each word, smiling bigger with each reason he listed. “Cause you’re pretty. And smart. And funny. And pretty.”
“You said pretty twice.”
“Well, it bears repeating.”
I couldn’t help my eye roll. “Well, you got the funny part right.” His smile turned up to full megawatt status. I felt a quiet gasp leave me. First impression, he was a bit of a douchebag, but a sexy as hell douchebag.
He moved in a little closer and with conviction said, “Jeremy Pratt’s parents are letting him have a party at their beach house this Saturday,” the look in his sapphire eyes intensified. “What time should I pick you up?”
“We’ve gone to school together for over three years. Why are you asking me out now all of a sudden?” I was a little suspicious.
“Honestly? I never asked before because I thought you and Stewart had something going on.”
“Noah and I are best friends,” I said.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Why?”
“Because I wasted three years not asking you out…so… are you going to keep me waiting even longer or do we have a date?” And there it was again, as if on cue, that megawatt smile.
“What changed? I’m still friends with Noah.”
“Really? You two haven’t looked too friendly with each other. Are you sure he’s still friends with you?” I didn’t respond. I hated to admit he might have a point. “So Beautiful, what time should I get you Saturday?”
“You are quite the charmer,” I paused for a moment considering my answer. “Eight o’clock. It should be fun.”
“Oh, I guarantee it will be fun. I always aim to please.” He pushed off from the lockers and stood. “Let’s grab your stuff, so I can walk you to your car.”
“Anyone ever tell you how bossy you are?”
He leaned in very close to me. If he had been less attractive, I might have considered it too close.
“I’m not bossy. I know what I want and I don’t like to waste time.” He winked.
Brad made me slightly uncomfortable. Now I understood what Noah said, about feeling like he was cheating on me when he went on dates with other girls. I felt like I was doing something wrong. As if, I was betraying him just by talking to Brad. I wanted to grab my stuff and run, but I stood my ground. This was me spreading my wings and trying new things. I gathered my books and placed them in my backpack. As soon as I turned around, Brad grabbed it before walking me to my car.
I unlocked the passenger door and motioned for him to toss my bag in. He followed me as I walked around to the driver’s side. Opening the door, I leaned in slightly, and slung my purse over the seat.
Turning back around, I found myself nose-to-nose with Brad. He was standing between me and the open car door, his left hand rested on the upper doorframe, propping himself up. We were so close, I could feel his warm breath wash over my lips. His voice was low. “I’m really glad you want me…,” he paused for a split second as his eyes moved down to my lips and then back to my eyes, causing me to swallow hard, “…to take you to the party.”
I cleared my throat and nervously answered, “Me too.”
“You know what?” he asked.
“What?” I whispered.
He focused on my mouth as he sucked on his lower lip, dragging his perfect white teeth over it. “Saturday is going to be the start of an awesome senior year.”
I froze in place. I couldn’t take my gaze off those sapphire eyes. Butterflies were taking over my stomach. Brad knocked me off balance with his confidence. There was an air of mystery and danger about him and I was curious.
“Yeah…well…thanks for the…um…the invite and the walk,” I finally said, stumbling over my words. He smiled and glanced from my eyes to my lips and back again. I took in another gulp of air and said, “I better be going.”
“You’re extremely cute, you know.”
Holy hell, he was hot. I had to get away from this guy. I was becoming increasingly unnerved every second I spent with him. Laughing nervously, I said, “Yeah…well…I am just the cute one in the family. My sister’s the pretty one. Um…do you know my sister?” My voice hit a pitch that only dogs could hear. He just shook his head and smiled. “Her name is Emily. Emily Kelly. Of course, she has the same name as me, we’re sisters. Not that we’re both named Emily. We have the same last name. That’s why we’re sisters cause of our last name. I mean, that’s not why really. There are a lot of people with the last name Kelly that I’m not related to. It’s a fairly common name. We have the same parents. That’s why we’re related…,” I began to trail off.
The voice in my head kept screaming, SHUT UP, AMANDA MARIE KELLY!!
“Yeah, incredibly cute,” he said with a smirk.
He pushed off the car and stepped to the side, allowing me some breathing space. After closing the door and fumbling with my keys, I summoned the courage to glance up. Brad was still standing beside my car with his hands in his pockets, watching me with a kissable smile across his face.
Kissable smile?! What the hell is wrong with me?
Finally, I got the damn key in the ignition, started the car, and peeled out of the parking lot. When I got far enough away and my nerves had calmed, the ability to think clearly returned. I didn’t know how that boy got me so unhinged, so quickly. Even though the Brad encounter was overwhelming, I was proud of myself for agreeing to go to the party with him. I needed to do this. I had to do this. It’s time to put on my big girl panties and see what the world had to offer.
No matter how hard you try to move on, sometimes forces beyond your control won’t let you.
That night, I was in my room trying to study. I was having a hard time concentrating on chemistry homework. My thoughts drifted from Noah to Brad. Spending the night thinking about Noah was nothing new. I had been doing that for what felt like forever. Thinking about Brad, on the other hand, was something completely different.
I couldn’t figure out what it was about him that captured my thoughts so quickly and aggressively. I had seen the guy around school for three years and not once gave him a second thought. I never thought of myself as one of those girls who got giddy and flustered over a good looking and charming boy’s attention. Our verbal sparring match at my locker was fun. Then he got very close to me and I became a babbling idiot.
I only allowed myself to daydream about Brad briefly before focusing my thoughts back to Noah. I knew it was silly and made no sense, Noah was barely in my life, and it had been like that for the past four months, but I felt guilty for just thinking about Brad.
A tapping on my bedroom window caught my attention. I had been so focused on Noah and Brad, at first, I thought I was hearing things. I went back to studying. I heard it again, this time it was more forceful. It wasn’t my imagination. I walked over, took a deep breath, and opened the window. The most exquisite pair of light blue eyes gazed up at me, accompanied by a dazzling smile that reached them. The butterflies started to appear in my stomach and my palms were getting moist. It had been a long time since I had been this close to him and it was intoxicating.
“Hey, Tweet,” Noah said in a raspy voice.
God, I missed hearing my nickname flow over his lips, those incredibly soft full lips. I shook my head, trying to get my thoughts back to the present.
“Hey,” I whispered.
“Can we talk?”
“Sure. What do you want to talk about?”
“Not here, at our spot.”
I almost flew out the window, I was so excited. He wanted to spend time with me, alone, at our spot. I couldn’t have cared less why he wanted to talk. It had to be good news. He was smiling. Maybe he had enough time and we could be together again. Right now, the only thing that mattered to me was Noah and I going to our spot to be alone.
We walked in silence the entire way. Noah seemed a little uncomfortable. If I were being honest, I was on edge, too. It felt strange, but I figured it was because we hadn’t been alone like this in a long time. Once we arrived, Noah extended his hand helping me climb up on the far end of the table. He didn’t join me. Instead, he leaned back on the edge beside me, with his legs crossed at the ankles, and his arms crossed over his chest.
We stayed like that for several minutes, before Noah cleared his throat and asked, “How have things been going?” He was looking down at the ground instead of me.
My gaze joined his on the same spot as I answered, “Pretty good. How are things going with you?”
“Ok. Coach thinks we have a pretty good chance at the championship this year.”
“Really? That’s fantastic.” I didn’t give a shit about the baseball team right now.
“Yeah. We’ll probably make the playoffs at least.” Out the corner of my eye, I saw him glance over at me and give me a quick smile. “How are your classes so far?”
“Good. How about yours?”
“Good,” he said.
I couldn’t believe we were actually having benign small talk. The weather should be next on the list. I hated that the time apart had created awkwardness between us. I was getting anxious, impatient, and I had enough of the small talk.
“Noah, why did you ask me here tonight?” My voice was low and filled with hesitancy.
His eyes stayed focused on the ground as he whispered, “I miss you.”
At that very moment, I heard a choir of angels start to sing, hallelujah. I desperately wanted to jump up, throw my arms around him, and never let go, but I didn’t.
“I’ve missed you, too,” I said, trying to contain my excitement.
“It hurts being away from you. I think about you all the time.”
“What do you think about?” It came out of my mouth more flirtatious than I intended.
Noah pushed off the table and moved directly in front of me. He took a few moments studying my face, like he hadn’t seen it in years. He cleared his throat and answered. “I think about how lonely I am without you. How boring my day is without you. How much I miss hearing your voice and your laugh. How much I miss listening to music and eating cake with you.” We smiled shyly at each other. His gaze lifted, looking directly into my eyes. “I miss taking care of you,” he hesitated for a moment. “I miss my best friend and I want her back in my life.” His words glued every piece of my shattered heart back together.
Noah looked as lost and alone as I felt. I was speechless. I had dreamed about this day since the night of the talk. I hated being separated from him. I wanted my best friend back, too. I didn’t want to be lonely anymore.
He placed his hands on either side of me on the edge of the table, bringing his forehead to rest on mine, “So Tweet, will you be my best friend again? I promise I will stay in the F-zone.”
You couldn’t see it from the outside, but inside I was jumping up and down, clapping, and doing cartwheels.
Sighing I said, “I never stopped being your best friend.” The hottest smile I had ever seen formed across that beautiful face that I had ached to see for so long.
He tilted his head slightly to one side and brushed his lips gently across my cheek. When he pulled back, he was smirking at me and said, “Hi bestie. Glad you’re back where you belong.” I beamed with joy. I was glad to be back, too.
Noah sat next to me on the table. I could feel the electricity between us when our shoulders and arms brushed against each other. He picked up my hand and laced our fingers together. Bringing it to his lips, he placed a soft kiss on the back of it. My face started to hurt, I was grinning so big. I’m not positive, but I think I actually giggled like an idiot. I felt his thumb begin to gentle stroke my wrist. That was permitted in the friend zone. Friends occasionally held hands and stroked one another…right?
Releasing a long deep sigh, he said, “Tweet, there’s something else I need to talk to you about.”
“Shoot.”
He turned slightly toward me. His expression was serious and determined. “Is it true that Brad Johnson asked you to Jeremy’s party?”
“How did you find out so fast? It’s only been a few hours since he asked me.” It will never cease to amaze me, the speed at which high school gossip travels. I don’t even remember seeing anyone at school while Brad and I were together. Although, I was a bit flustered at the time. As a result, my sense of observation was slightly impaired.
“It doesn’t matter how I found out. What matters is that I found out just in time. You’re not going on a date with him, Tweet.”
I glared at him in disbelief as I jerked my hand from his. “Hold on now. Is this why you suddenly wanted me back in your life, so you could dictate who I could and could not go on a date with?”
“No!”
“Because, for your information, I haven’t been on one single date unless you count Vincent Chamberlain in tenth grade, which I do not since he dumped me in the middle of the damn date for Sarah Grice.”
“He’s a Smurff*cker and you’re not going out with him Saturday or any other time,” he said loudly.
My expression tightened as I continued to glare at him. My body began to heat up with anger. I jumped off the table and step away from it. I turned on my heels to face him. My hands firmly planted on my hips.
“Who the hell do you think you are? For four months, I was close to being completely ignored by you. You know what I had to watch while I kept my mouth shut? Bitchanni sniffing around you first thing in the morning at your locker. Then there’s Amy, and Paige, and Tiffany. Anyone else? Oh yes, let’s not forget what started the four month sabbatical, the day you planned on f*cking Beth,” I yelled. I thought for a second I might hyperventilate, I was breathing so fast.
“That’s different.” He was standing directly in front of me now. The veins in his neck strained as he spoke through clenched teeth.
“How so?”
“It just is. Look, it’s my job to take care of you and look out for you.”
“Noah, it’s just one date. The party is only a few days away. I’ve already accepted his invitation. I’d feel bad if I canceled on him now. It would be rude.”
Noah scrunched up his eyebrows. “Accepted his invitation? What the hell do you think you’re going to, some debutante cotillion bullshit?” Sarcasm was dripping from his voice.
“I know exactly where I’m going. Jeremy’s party! Saturday night! With Brad!” I shouted, as I brushed passed him.
“I can’t figure out why he even asked you.” His words stopped me in my tracks. I turned back to let him see how hurtful what he said was to me.
“Thanks a lot.” I’m not sure what came over me. I stepped toward Noah and shoved hard against his chest. “That was a shitty thing for you to say to me.” I turned and started walking away.
He ran up to me, grabbed my elbow, and spun me around to face him. “Tweet. I’m sorry. That didn’t come out right. You know what I meant.”
I shrugged out of his grasp, taking a few steps back from him. I felt tears building, but I was determined to hold them back. “It came out just fine. I know exactly what you meant. No one like Brad could ever want to go out with anyone like me, unless he had an ulterior motive.”
“Dammit, woman! That a*shole is nowhere near good enough to even be talking to you.” He started walking towards me. I held my hand up, letting him know not to come any closer.
“It’s fine. I’ve had the exact same question playing repeatedly in my head since he asked me out. It just hurts like hell when your best friend wonders the same thing.”
“I told you I didn’t mean it that way.” His jaw was clenched so tight, I swear I could hear his teeth grinding together.
“I need to go,” I said. Noah took one step toward me. “Noah, don’t.” I turned on my heels and started walking as fast as I could out of the park.
“Where are you going?” he yelled.
“Home!”
“You’re not walking home by yourself at night!”
“Yes I am!” I just kept walking, never turning back to look at him.
He followed a few steps behind me, in silence, the entire way home. As the house got closer, my steps got faster, until I ran up the steps on to the porch. I took the key out of my pocket and slipped it into the lock. I could feel Noah’s eyes on me, as he remained at the bottom of the steps.
Clearing his throat, he said, “Aren’t you going say goodnight?”
I kept my eyes glued to the front door and choked out, “Goodnight, Noah.”
“Goodnight, Tweet.” I could hear the anguish in his voice.
I started to twist the key to unlock the door, when I saw Noah’s arms come up on either side of me, his palms flat against the doorframe. His lips were at my ear.
As I felt his warm breath across my neck, shivers ran to every part of my body. I wanted to lean my head back on his shoulder and have him hold me like that all night. His mouth was so close, that when he talked, his lips lightly brushed against the shell of my ear. He whispered, “Please, don’t be mad at me. I just want to protect you.”
“I’m not mad. I’m scared,” I said breathless.
“Of what?”
“That we’re not going to be able to go back to the way we were. You’ve been back in my life for an hour and it already feels like we’re crossing that line. I just got you back. I don’t want to lose you.”
“I promised you I’d stay in the friend zone and I will. But the line has already been crossed, Tweet. I wish you’d step over it with me.”
I started to feel lightheaded and my knees were shaky. I inadvertently leaned back against his chest, trying to keep myself upright. He pushed off from the doorframe and wrapped his arms around my waist. Placing a soft kiss behind my ear, he said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He kissed the top of my head, dropped his arms, and stepped back. I heard his footsteps as he walked away.
I stood on my front porch playing tonight over in my head- his arms around me, his whispers in my ear, the way his chest felt against my back. My head began to hurt thinking about our argument earlier. I had just spent four months without him in my life. I wasn’t going to do anything to jeopardize our friendship and risk losing him again, no matter how much I wanted him. Going out with Brad will be good for both Noah and I. How quickly life can change direction. Earlier today, I felt like I was finally taking steps to move on. Now I find myself right back at square one.