chapter fifty-two, Friday:22ndnovember2013, a question
Sedated, I lean into him I have known such a short time, my initiation into his mind has been brief and intense and I know what ever happens to us now we're strong enough to deal with it together. Unless of course he starts listening to pop music, it would be all over then.
"Live with me?" I hear the words form and vocalise before my head can stop it, I shudder at the thought of him turning me down, I’ve never wanted to share my life with anyone like this, I’m a little scared and suddenly hope George and Harry will like him. We'd briefly said it before but that didn't count, we were in another country. You know the rules about that I’m sure?
"Yes." Daniel says firmly, and I think I detect a little relief too. “Yes.” he takes my hand tightly indicating he's sure of what he's saying. I suddenly remember something, and break eye contact with him. I reach into my clutch bag and pull out a small velvet pouch, black with an envelope flap. I hand it to Daniel, “Happy Birthday baby.” I tell him.
...and the moonbeams kiss the sea...
A look of surprise and wonder, crosses his face and I wonder if anyone has ever given him anything his whole life? No I decide, they're all takers.
He opens the flap and tips out a fine linked gold chain into his hand, with three items hanging from it: an engraved gold disc, a narrow platinum band with a tiny black diamond set in, and a door key swinging merrily on the chain as he holds it up to the chandelier. He looks at me warmly. “I had it engraved the moment we got back from Peru, I wanted to give you something, so when you wear it you remember how much I love you.” I turn the disc over in his palm so he can read the inscription.
‘Love Tx’ it's not romantic I’d agree, but I mean it.
“I love you Tharie, I desperately need you to know that.” He moves closer lifting the chain over his head, “I have nothing if I don’t have you.” he's right about that, he doesn't even have a cat.
I suddenly realised why Daniel needs success and power so badly, because controlled as he obviously is, he is desperate to be understood, his many layers peeled off like an onion and nobody sees that. They just see the man, Daniel Pearse, businessman, high flyer, and dater of exotic beautiful women, a-list friends, wealthy and intangible. Swept away in an overwhelming feeling of love for this man I ask him, “Marry me?” I whisper. So quietly only I can barely hear, my heartbeat flutters wildly and my hands shake. Daniel looks into my eyes, forever, silently, his gaze never leaving mine.
“Tharie,” he begins.
And once again we both sink to the floor, gravity unable to keep us upright, that's right Newton (the physicist not the assistant, just to be clear. Though he may also have a theory about gravity, I have no way of knowing). I'm falling forever, I long for Daniel to say something, anything. My insides free fall, fast like dropping hundreds of miles in turbulence, I’m unsteady and my head swims with a light nausea like a jet lag, waiting for a response. I know Daniel is closed off he doesn't let anyone in just like me, but between us I believe there could be an amazing relationship. Both of us f*cked up and dealing with it in the best way we can. Pretending everything is OK and putting on an act of confidence.
Two peas in a pod my Grandma would have said, she was the wisest person I’d ever known, able to break down the most complex worries into a simple thought, I miss her. I place my hand on the tiny gold chain around my neck remembering, it was hers.
His fingers graze my jawline tilting my head up toward his mouth, and he kisses me so tenderly I am moved by the gesture, and the calming effect it has on me.
"When you look at me my brain stops in its tracks,” his gaze moves from one eye on my face to the other. “My breath shallows,” he's making sure I’m listening. “My pupils dilate.” He gently cups my chin, “it's like my whole being is readying itself for an important event, and in that moment there's just us two.” He kisses my eyelids, “the world could fall apart around me and I would still be planted to the spot.” He smiles a great happy wonderful gut tingling smile. “Looking into your eyes.” I kiss him gently, “what have you done to me?" He whispers. “Yes baby.” This may be the most he has ever said to me, or anyone.
We sit in a heap of black layers of tulle and long legs, holding each other, he straps his arms tightly around my waist pulling our bodies close and holding me steady, it feels like he'll never let go. Holds me until all the anger and anxiety escape us both and all that’s left is the two of us.
We heave ourselves upright, holding hands. Bless.
We can hear someone approaching on the stairs, their timing is terrible.
“There you are Daniel,” his Mother comes around the corner, ignoring the shattered bodies getting up off the floor, routing around in her clutch for a lipstick, behaving like it's completely normal, callous to think she could be so insensitive, failing to recognise an intimate conversation going on. But she just behaves like it's an ordinary event. This family are very different from mine.
“Come, there's people I need you to meet Daniel” and pirouetting on her Jimmy Choo heels, speeds off down the stairs in a waft of purple Saint Laurent and, Chanel no.9.
“Hungry?” Daniel asks me.
“Starving.” there's a truly international buffet downstairs.
“Let's get out of here and find a pizza.” nice.
“You really know how to treat a girl Daniel” true story.
“You're worth it baby.” Good.
“Well, we'd better find a classy place, my dress will take up at least two chairs.”
“I know just the place.” I hope he means his place?
I smile through a ravaged face of wet tear soaked cheeks and red bulging eyes, my make-up has stayed put, she said it was good stuff and waterproof, just in case Daniel turned up with someone else on his arm, must remember to give Pete a giant hug.
Daniel gets slowly to his feet, this has taken it out of him too, he looks tired but the sparkle of life and happiness I see in his eyes and the smile on his face are beautiful to me.
And he is all mine.
Sliding the ring I bought him onto his ring finger for all to see. I brush my hands over my skirts to straighten them, we kiss softly, and he takes my hand, gently this time, and we head back downstairs. A pizza is promised, but there's one thing we want to do before we go.
“Dance?” He asks me.
“It's what the dress is designed for” and off we go.