Passing as Elias

chapter Five

Setting Sail

The day of departure had come. Elizabeth wore her new dress as they bundled their belongings into the carriage that waited outside. The busty maid who had shown them to their room two nights ago waved from the Inn doorway as the carriage left.

George chatted happily throughout the duration of the trip. Elizabeth’s insides writhed with excitement. This afternoon George would sign for the apothecary, and Professor de Bard’s home. She had brought up the subject over breakfast, and he had not seemed suspicious about her eagerness. On the contrary, he had said that work would distract her from missing him while he was at sea. Elizabeth did not bother in telling George that she would be fine without him. Instead, she faked a sadness, which seemed to please him immensely. He wasted no time in comforting Elizabeth, and showering her with adoration.

When they arrived back in their hometown, Elizabeth became nervous of her mothers reaction. Though when they pulled up in front of her house, Elizabeth was glad to see her mother smiling happily through the sitting room window. She embraced Elizabeth tightly, and told her that she was so proud. She then turned to George.

‘My son-in-law.’ She beamed. ‘A Royal Navy officer!’ and she hugged him too.

They planned to move Elizabeth’s things into Professor de Bard’s house once he had signed the papers. He left Elizabeth there with her mother whilst he journeyed into the centre of town to complete the paperwork. Mary Searson asked numerous questions regarding their marriage, and was even bold enough to ask of his performance in bed.

‘Mother.’ Elizabeth scolded, ‘That is very inappropriate.’

‘He looks a strong man.’ Her mother said with an approving nod, ‘He might have got you on the first go.’

‘Got me on the first go?’ Elizabeth repeated.

‘With child.’ Her mother beamed, ‘When you consummated your marriage.’

Elizabeth’s mouth fell open in horror, ‘Mother! I will not talk of my relationship with George any longer.’

‘Was he very large?’ Her mother continued, unashamedly.

Elizabeth stood immediately and frowned, ‘I am going to pack.’ She left the room quite hurriedly.

Elizabeth did not plan to take many of her possessions to Professor de Bard’s house, for it was already fully furnished. She did not know how she felt about living there, but the Professor had left it to her, and she did not want the home to go to waste. Besides, this would allow her freedom to some extent. With George away at sea for up to six months, Elizabeth would have the home all to herself. It was also much closer to the apothecary.

George returned two hours later, with the documents stating that the properties were now in his name. Elizabeth wished they could be in her name, but this was the closest she was going to get. Elizabeth had only packed her clothing, and a few personal items to take to her new home.

In the evening they ventured to the Professor’s home. When they unlocked the door the found that the house smelled slightly dusty. It was in need of a severe clean. George left Elizabeth alone in their new home while he went to collect his own belongings from the Navy base, where he lived while on land. He never spent much time there for he was usually at sea, though he had promised Elizabeth that he would be at home more often now that he had a wife. He also spoke of starting a family immediately, something that Elizabeth had not even considered.

‘When I return from sea, we shall not be parted for a long while. We can begin our lives, and start a family.’ He had said to her on Wednesday night.

George would be departing very early the next morning, and as his wife, Elizabeth was expected to say goodbye to him on the docks in front of all the sailors. He insisted that she wear her nicest dress, and Elizabeth thought that George wanted to show her off to his colleagues.

Elizabeth felt extremely strange when she lay upon the Professor’s old bed. It was intrusive, and the smell upon the sheets reminded Elizabeth of the apothecary, as though Bernard de Bard had gone to bed smelling of herbs, and potions.

When George slid into the covers next to her, and began kissing her neck, Elizabeth felt extremely uncomfortable.

‘This … this does not feel right.’ She had said.

‘What is wrong?’ George continued, running his hand up her bare thigh.

‘It is strange.’ Elizabeth sighed, ‘It feels wrong … in this bed … as though I am offending my Professor.’

‘He left you this house, Elizabeth.’ George said, ‘He expected you to use it.’

Elizabeth did not wish to anger George, and complied with his wish to make love. As a wife it was her duty to give her body to him, though Elizabeth was sure he would respect her wishes if she did not want to proceed. After all, he was a very kind man.

The sex did not hurt as it was their third time being intimate, however it still did not feel good. Elizabeth found it awkward, and intrusive, and always felt dirty afterwards. She did not know what was wrong with her. Was she supposed to enjoy it?

Elizabeth woke extremely early to the Captain shaking her awake. She was confused at first, but remembered that he would be leaving today. She was quite happy to have some time away from him.

Elizabeth dressed while the Captain packed his necessities, and together they took a carriage to the docks where several large ships waited. There were sailors everywhere, saying goodbye to their wives, children, and sweethearts. Some women were crying, and children were clinging to their fathers. Elizabeth thought it must be hard to be away from someone you loved so much. She figured the emotional pain would be akin the hurt she had felt when losing the Professor. She tried not to think about it.

Captain Greenwood cuddled and kissed her upon the dock for several minutes. A few sailors did a double take of Elizabeth as they walked by. This made Elizabeth feel rather good about her appearance – something she had never really cared about before, however, the way they sniggered behind their hands made Elizabeth scowl.

‘Do not worry about the men.’ George smiled at her discomfort; ‘They are amazingly primitive and see women as possessions.’

‘I do not hope you socialize with these men.’ Elizabeth frowned.

‘I only work with them.’ He rubbed her back comfortingly.

A horn sounded somewhere, and Elizabeth wrapped her shawl tighter around her shoulders. It was a breezy morning and Elizabeth felt quite cold.

‘I must go.’ The Captain said.

Elizabeth fixed a sad expression upon her face, which seemed to please George.

‘Be careful.’ She whispered, allowing him to kiss her one last time.

Elizabeth watched as her husband picked up his rucksack and carried it towards the ships. He looked over his shoulder and waved at Elizabeth. She did not stick around to watch him board. Today she would open the apothecary.

~

Elizabeth wasted no time in rushing to the apothecary. She had brought the key with her to the docks, for she had planned on going there as soon as possible. It now belonged to her, and George would be gone for several months, which meant she could do as she pleased.

She smiled when she saw the familiar sign come into view hanging above the door. When she reached the doorstep she pulled out the key, unlocked the door, and stepped into the dark shop. The bell tinkled, and the smell of familiar herbs reached her nostrils and it was amazingly welcoming. However, at the same time it was immensely saddening, for it reminded her of her dear Professor, who she missed so much. A fine layer of dust had settled upon the counters, and bottles, so Elizabeth decided that she might do a bit of dusting before she opened the shop, for it was still before eight o’clock in the morning.

She opened the curtains, swept the floor, and dusted the shelves and jars that lined the walls. When the clock tower chimed, she turned the sign on the door to let people know that they were back open. Elizabeth was extremely excited. Her own shop. She wanted to make Professor de Bard proud.

Elizabeth stood behind the counter, measuring ingredients, and putting them into little bags. Next she busied herself crushing spine of lionfish into a fine powder. It was ten o’clock before Elizabeth realized that she had not had a single customer. The apothecary usually always had someone in it. But that was when Professor de Bard was alive, she reminded herself. Elizabeth suddenly realized that the people who walked past the shop did not bother to look at it to see if it was open. That is it, Elizabeth thought, they are assuming it is closed because they know of the Professors death.

Elizabeth had a sudden idea. She raced into the laboratory and snatched up a roll of parchment. Elegantly, she wrote the words ‘UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT’ in large letters. She then turned to the corner of the room where the model skeleton was standing. She carefully hoisted the model skeleton over her shoulder and made her way to the shop front.

People in the street stared at her as she put the skeleton next to the door, right under the apothecary sign. She stuck the ‘UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT’ sign to the skeletons hand and smiled at her genius. Hopefully this would attract people’s attention.

It worked. People stared at the skeleton as they walked by. Some small boys tried to steal it, but Elizabeth chased them off, and they ran down the street howling with laughter. It was mid day before the first person entered the shop. It was a strapping young man in a rather smart suit.

‘Good day, Sir.’ Elizabeth said cheerily. She wanted to make a good impression on her first customer. She had served hundreds of people in the past before, but this was very different.

‘Good day.’ He drawled, in a bored sort of voice, looking around at the shelves, ‘is the new apothecary available? I must to speak to him regarding a remedy for my wife.’

‘Oh, yes Sir.’ Elizabeth took a deep breath, ‘I can help you with that.’

He eyed her beadily, ‘All right then. My wife is seven months pregnant, and is experiencing nausea and back aches. I need something to stop her incessant moaning.’

Elizabeth laughed before she realized that it had not been a joke, ‘Of course, Sir.’ Elizabeth stepped out from behind the counter to join the gentleman on the main floor, ‘we have belladonna extracts over here. Your wife can rub them on her abdomen to get rid of the sickness – however, this doesn’t work in all cases, and so I would only recommend a small amount as a trial. If your wife is in quite a lot of discomfort I can recommend Triopiates, though she must not take more than fifty milligrams. However you might want to know that there are some side effects such as giddiness.’

‘What about side effects on the baby?’

‘We have not yet discovered any side effects, though tests are still being run, as it is a relatively new drug.’

‘All right, well … I suppose it will have to do. Can I get enough to last the remaining two months of her pregnancy?’

‘Of course sir.’ Elizabeth gave a smile and a nod. Triopiate was quite expensive, and this sale of a two months supply would be quite a nice amount.

‘No more than fifty milligrams a day.’ Elizabeth reminded him, ‘The pill is to be taken orally in the morning, with breakfast.’

Elizabeth packaged the Triopiate’s, and handed them to the man while he pulled out his coin.

‘How much will that be?’ He asked.

‘Three pounds, Sir.’

He handed over the coin without hesitation, and then pocketed the medicine for his wife.

‘Tell me.’ He said before turning around to leave, ‘who bought the apothecary? I saw that it is under new management.’

‘Oh. No one bought it sir. Professor de Bard passed away, so it was handed down in his will.’

‘So his son is the new apothecary?’

‘No Sir.’ Elizabeth smiled, ‘The Professor left this shop to me.’ She stopped when she saw the look upon the man’s face.

He looked displeased that he had just done business with a female apothecary, however he decided not to say anything and left the shop silently.

The following days were themed very alike. Few clients would enter the shop, and when they realized that Elizabeth was the new full-time apothecary, they left hurriedly. Soon, Elizabeth was not making enough money to buy supplies.

A week later Elizabeth had a rather frightening encounter with a very angry man who insisted that she had given him the wrong herbs. He called her many names and demanded a refund. Elizabeth tried to explain that the herbs were meant to be drunk with tea, and not smoked for they would cause him to hallucinate. He ignored this and continued to rant and rave, before leaving and yelling ‘I shall tell anyone who will listen that this apothecary is untrustworthy, and is run by a silly little girl!’

It was after this that Elizabeth decided to lie about being the apothecary. Whenever someone asked, she simply said that ‘the boss is not here at the moment. He is running errands.’ And no one seemed to mind.

However Elizabeth could not deny the fact that sales were at an all time low. She flicked through the sales book to the time before the Professor had died, and saw that the pages were filled with customers. Turning back to this week’s sales she found that they did not reach halfway down the page for seven days worth of business.

This continued for another month, and Elizabeth found herself becoming miserable. The shop was not making any money, and word had spread that Elizabeth was the one brewing, and concocting their remedies. Of course Elizabeth had funds to purchase what she needed, for Captain Greenwood had ensured that she would be well provided for while he was away. The townspeople did not seem to care that Elizabeth had a perfectly capable mind when it came to the science of medicine. All they saw was a little girl with a tiny brain, and ambitions above her station.

Elizabeth was lonely without her Professor, and now that she was living out of home, she realized she had not had a conversation in weeks. The only interaction she had had was with the surly customers, who refused to pay full price for the work of a female.

Soon Elizabeth found herself thoroughly depressed. Some days she did not wish to get out of bed because she knew that it would be another day of complaints from customers, who were adamant that she had made a mistake with their order. Elizabeth knew that she had not made a mistake with a single one of those customers.

Finally, another Sunday came, and Elizabeth lay in bed until mid morning. She had not felt like going to church today – something which she had never done before. She knew her mother would have something to say about it, but Elizabeth did not care. She was beyond caring. Today she was going to clean out all of Professor de Bard’s old clothes and give them to charity. She had no use for them, and they only made her sad when she saw them.

She had a huge suitcase open on her bed, and was piling clothes into it. Some of them were rather old, and worn, but some looked brand new as though the Professor had never worn them. Elizabeth amused herself, wearing his hats and ties. Even some of his shoes fit, for he had been quite a small, thin man.

Elizabeth caught sight of herself in her full-length mirror whilst she was wearing one of Professor de Bard’s older top hats. She paused, and stared. Suddenly, she was stuffing her long hair out of sight and into the depths of the hat. She grabbed a bowtie that she had already packed into the suitcase and hurriedly put it around her neck. Elizabeth approached the mirror with a look of awe upon her face. A brilliant, crazy, ridiculous idea had occurred to her. But … no … she could never pass it off. Yet, she could not take her eyes off the vision before her. Without thinking, Elizabeth began to undress. She stripped right down until she was completely naked and began rummaging through the suitcase, pulling out various garments. Shirts, vests, breeches, socks, shoes.

A few minutes later and Elizabeth was dressed completely in men’s attire, posing in front of the mirror. She pulled various expressions until deciding that men did not pull many facial expressions, and kept her face set. Her hands moved to her chest, where her bosom was still obvious. She thought, looking around and fixing her eye upon an old, ragged shirt that she had planned on throwing out, as it was in too poor condition to donate. Without thinking she began to rip it into strips.

Grabbing the strips of shirt, she began to wrap them tightly around her chest. She did it so tight she almost had trouble breathing, yet she smiled when she saw her flat chest in the mirror. This was it. This was the answer. Elizabeth could dress as a boy, run the apothecary, and gain the trust of her clients again. They would think a young lad ran the shop.

Elizabeth put on a deep voice, ‘Good day, Ma’am.’ She said with a tip of her hat, ‘No … ahem … Good day ma’am. Good day.’ She repeated the words over and over again until they did not sound like words at all.

Her body looked like a boy. With a flat chest, and baggy clothes Elizabeth found she looked quite lanky. Stuffing a pair of socks into her breeches, she stood back to admire the bulge, and could not help but laugh. It had been the first time she had laughed in a month.

Elizabeth amused herself for over an hour, trying on different clothes, packing socks into her pants, and talking like a man.

‘Well hello there, Miss.’ She flirted with the mirror.

Thinking about George, her father, and the men that had come into the store, Elizabeth noticed many similarities. She must talk in a low voice, with fewer words in each sentence, and keep her hands in her pockets whilst pulling less facial expressions. Single word responses would be most efficient. She must also stand with a straight back, and a high chin to show confidence, something which many women lacked.

Elizabeth’s hair was not masculine at all. She had so much of it that she would not be able to hide it inside of a hat all day. Some men did have long hair, but not down to their buttocks. The other option was cutting it short, but if she did that then she would have trouble transitioning back into a woman while she was not at the apothecary. She did not want to be a man all of the time.

A wig would be her best option, and she was sure there was a men’s wig-shop on Baggot Street. She would visit it early on the morrow.

Next was the problem of her face. Her eyebrows were thin and light, and her jaw was quite feminine. She thought about the way the Captain’s face felt. Rough, like sandpaper. His jaw and cheeks were slightly darker than the rest of his skin because of the stubble.

Elizabeth spent the whole day experimenting with her male identity. She tried several different methods to darken her eyebrows, and make them appear bushier. Finally, she settled upon using a wood-cased pencil to colour them several shades darker, giving her a more stern expression.

Elizabeth found it very amusing to chop up pieces of fabric so finely that they were almost powder and stick them to her face. She gave herself a ridiculous moustache and laughed for several minutes before removing it. Nothing she did looked realistic until she chopped of a small piece of her own hair, scrunched it up into a ball so it was frizzy and frayed, and stuck it to her jaw line with an adhesive made from wheat flower, sugar and water. It looked quite convincing –but even more so when she trimmed it with a pair of scissors until it resembled fine stubble.

Elizabeth had a strange feeling in her stomach, as though she had discovered something incredible. A strange sense of freedom was washing over her, as she stared at herself in the full-length mirror in all of her attire. Shirt, vest, breeches, socks, shoes, hat, darkened eyebrows, and facial hair. Her chest was bound, and her pants were stuffed with socks. She did indeed look like a boy.