“Oh my goodness, Kacey. He probably feels like shit now,” she complained, and Kacey did feel a bit bad about that, but it freaked her out. Flight was her only option at that point.
“What do I do, Lacey?” she whined as her head fell back. “I don’t want to go out there and say it, because I don’t feel it. I don’t want to lead him on.”
“Do you even want to date him? You don’t seem very invested here.”
“I do, he’s great, but I don’t want to rush it. I want it to feel real.”
But it didn’t. Not even in the least. Something was off.
“Maybe I need to sleep with him?” she thought out loud before Lacey could say anything.
“How would that help?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t feel that soul-deep connection with him, and maybe if he is deep inside me, I’ll feel something,” she added and Lacey snorted.
“You’re insane,” she laughed. “Like you said, you don’t want to rush this. So don’t make him a notch on your bedpost to find that soul-deep connection. If he isn’t the one, he isn’t.”
“But don’t you think I should give him time? I mean, feelings develop over time.”
“You’re right, they do. But I don’t know, I don’t feel you’re 100 percent committed to this.”
She wasn’t. Maybe fifty percent, but that was pushing it.
“He’s a good guy though,” she said, letting out a long breath. “I’m so tired of all the shit guys. The ones who continually hurt me or are emotionally unavailable. I have this good guy, who apparently loves me, and I feel like, if I throw that away, I’ll regret it. And plus, I don’t want to hurt his feelings. He’s a sweet guy.”
And he was. She truly enjoyed spending time with him. They worked out together every day, went to the movies, hung out with Karson and Lacey. It was nice, but she knew something was missing. The thing was, she didn’t know how to find it. And every time she thought of “it,” Jordie came crashing into her mind, slamming into her like the defenseman he was. With him, “it” was there. Everything was there. They fit and it was what she wanted. She felt like she fell in love over and over, every single moment she was with him.
But he was emotionally unavailable and had thrown her away.
Story of her fucking life.
Liam was everything that Jordie wasn’t, but Jordie still held her heart. Was it wrong of her to continue this relationship when she wasn’t all there? Was she the one who was emotionally unavailable now? And really, how stupid of her! It had been eight months; he wanted nothing to do with her, and now this great guy did. She needed to try. She just had to. Or she really did feel she’d end up alone—the crazy aunt who watched Notting Hill over and over again, hoping for her own William to come and sweep her off her feet. Since the chap was nowhere in sight, she’d better open her eyes and see what was in front of her.
Liam.
“I think you should be honest,” Lacey said, stealing her attention back. “Tell him the truth, that you’ve been screwed over left and right before, and that you don’t love him, but maybe one day you would.”
“Good idea,” she decided, pushing off the counter.
“But then you only give him one more month. If, in that month, you don’t feel that soul-deep connection, then please let him go. Don’t grasp for something that isn’t there because it’s easy. You have to remember, if it isn’t worth fighting for, then it isn’t worth your time.”
“You’re right. Okay, I’ll be home sometime, I guess.”
As she reached for the door, Lacey said, “Okay, but please don’t sleep with him tonight just to see if something is there.”
Kacey laughed. “I’m gonna take it slow, let it happen when it does. But really, why hasn’t he tried anything?”
“Because he is a nice guy and he respects you.”
She thought that through. It felt very foreign to her, but hey, there was always a first time for everything. “Oh. Okay, call you later.”