Operation Endurance

CHAPTER 41

Julie glanced up in surprise when Chris threaded his hand through hers as they walked up to the office building. He hadn’t strayed far from her side since he’d found her at Pete’s. Chris’s hovering helped her to feel safe and he seemed to need the reassurance of her presence just as much as she needed his. The attack yesterday had shaken them both.

That was the reason she was here today. It had been so tempting this morning to hide out at Chris’s house and ignore what happened from the safety of his embrace. But that wasn’t the healthy thing to do, so here she was, keeping her therapy appointment. The difference was Chris came with her—he just planned to wait for her in the reception area. Neither one of them were ready to separate from the other yet, even for only an hour.

Chris gave her hand a gentle squeeze when the receptionist told her that Dr. Eckert was ready for her. “I’ll be waiting right here when you’re done,” he told her.

That right there helped to give her the strength to walk across the room and into Dr. Eckert’s office to talk about one of the worst days in her life.

Dr. Eckert sat at his desk, writing, when Julie entered the room. He stood and came around his desk to usher her to the chair. He looked her over with a clinical but kind eye, taking in the red welts around her wrists and the purple and black bruise on the side of her head.

He stood, holding her hands for a moment in reassurance. “I know what’s happened and we’re going to talk about it, but you need to know, I’ve cleared my schedule this afternoon. We’ll talk as long as you need today. I know this has been traumatic.” He gave her a kind smile. “But first, I want to know how this past week, before yesterday, has gone for you? Have you been able to limit your lists each day?”

Relief flooded her. She’d been so lucky to find this therapist. Already, he got her and her needs. She knew that she needed to talk about the events with Pete, but he was easing her into it in a methodical way that appealed to her OCD. Talking about her week chronologically was perfect.

“It’s gone well. Honestly, it’s gone better than I ever would have thought. Just by knowing what causes me to need to make the lists has made it so much easier to not need them. The past couple of days, I’ve even found myself saving my three lists for when I really need a list, like my grocery list, rather than using it as an emotional substitute.”

He smiled his approval. “Were there any stumbling blocks before yesterday?”

“I’ve made a concerted effort to work through some of the lingering emotional things that have been causing me to be stressed this week. I talked some things through with my sister, Rachel, about the events when we were kids. I also told my boyfriend about the miscarriage and resulting health problems because of that. Neither was easy, but I did it and didn’t go over my quota of lists on those days.”

“Good, good. You’ve done well and I’m so proud of you for that.” He beamed at her. “Now, we need to talk about the events of yesterday. And before we begin, I need to confess my part in yesterday’s events.”

Julie frowned at him. How in the world could Dr. Eckert have been involved with yesterday? “I’m sorry. I don’t think I understand.”

“I know you don’t and you need to know that normally, I wouldn’t share any of this with you. But Pete is dead and he didn’t leave any family, so nobody will be hurt by what I tell you. I’ve made a professional decision to tell you this, because I think it will help you understand, and also help you with your own recovery.” He shuffled a few papers on his desk as he seemed to gather his thoughts.

She tried to wait patiently, but was a little leery about what he was going to tell her. So far, she’d managed to shy away from the thought that her friend, a person she liked and trusted, had attacked her so viciously.

“You need to know that I started treating Pete a couple of months ago. He was referred to me by the police department because during an investigation, he discovered the body of a girl. Something about that discovery triggered a remembrance of a childhood trauma.”

“Jocelyn’s death,” she murmured.

Dr. Eckert’s eyebrows raised in question. “He told you about her?”

Julie nodded and swallowed hard. “Yes, yesterday. He kept confusing me with her. He’d call me her name and he would say things like my sacrifice would free her from her sadness.”

“Yes, I should have seen it, but I didn’t. Something about that girl’s death triggered memories and an obsession with Jocelyn’s death. Like your own trauma, Jocelyn died when Pete was too young to truly handle it. He was only fourteen and she was thirteen. He blamed himself for that tragic, horrific death. She was tortured and raped before finally killed.” Dr. Eckert took a deep breath.

“When he found the other girl, the details were similar enough to Jocelyn’s murder that he began to have dreams about Jocelyn. Her memory haunted him, because he never had the resources to deal with her death when it happened. Unfortunately, it was a ticking time bomb in his mind. I should have recognized it, but I didn’t and I’m so sorry for that. If I had, maybe you wouldn’t have gone through the events of yesterday and those other girls would have been saved.”

What could she say to this? It was a lot to take in at once on top of the trauma from the day before that she was also trying to deal with.

He laid down his pen and rubbed his forehead. “I’m not telling you this to make excuses for him or my treatment of him. I just think it’s important to know why it happened. Why his mental stability broke. Pete stopped coming to see me a few weeks ago and I’ve been worried for him, but I never thought he would harm anyone else. That’s where I failed both him and you. I missed the signs.” He stopped and watched her for a moment as she considered all he said.

Tears filled her eyes. “I just don’t understand. He was my friend. That guy yesterday wasn’t my friend. I know he wasn’t the same person, but my friend died and I don’t know what to do with that loss. It seems wrong to mourn him when he hurt so many people—me included—but I just can’t see that man yesterday as the same man I knew. How am I supposed to make peace with that? I want to mourn him, but I don’t know how.”

“You’re allowed and need to mourn the Pete you knew before. That man was worthy of your grief. He did a lot of good in this world before the events a couple of months ago threw his mental stability off-kilter.”

As Julie considered Pete’s job as a police officer, something occurred to her. “He told me a few weeks ago that he became a cop because his best friend was murdered. He was talking about Jocelyn, wasn’t he?”

He nodded. “Yes. As with most fourteen year olds, she was the whole focus of his life at that point in time.”

“I just don’t understand how he could go from using her as the driving force for keeping criminals off the street, to then becoming one of those criminals.”

“I’ve gotten to read the police reports. From everything I know about what happened yesterday, somehow it all got twisted in his mind and he thought by hurting those girls he was actually saving them from their despair and sadness, which would in the end save Jocelyn. He was suicidal and obviously not thinking anymore as a sane person.”

He leaned forward. “But that’s something else to think about as you work through your grief. Pete wasn’t a sane person any longer. If he had lived, he would have spent the rest of his life in either an institution, or jail, or both. Even if it had been possible to fix his mind, his crimes were so horrific, he would have never been freed again. Hopefully, his death brought some peace to his soul.”

They talked for a while longer and Dr. Eckert helped her create coping mechanisms for the next few weeks. He told her that she’d probably have nightmares, but that it was very important that she talk it through with those around her, including Chris. He also mentioned that as his girlfriend, Chris would likely show some effects from the trauma of it, too, and how she could watch for that as well. He also offered to counsel him if he needed it.

As a result of the appointment, she felt much stronger than she had when she’d walked in the door a couple of hours before. When she came out of the office, Chris stood and she immediately went to give him a hug. “Thank you for waiting for me. I’m glad I came. Now let’s go see how Brian is doing, okay?”

Brian was the wounded person who belonged to all the extra blood at Pete’s. He’d arrived earlier in the day to confront Pete about what Colton and Chris had been told. Pete had panicked and shot him. Luckily, Pete shot him with intention to maim, not kill, so that Brian couldn’t interfere with the plans Pete had for Julie.

It was fortuitous for everyone that Julie and Toni arrived at the same time or else Pete probably would have gotten away with everything, including a murder/suicide for Julie and him. When he’d cuffed Toni, he took her to the room where Brian lay wounded and bleeding from a gunshot. It was actually Brian’s ankle pistol that Toni had used to kill Pete.

Chris had called the hospital this morning and they still had Brian listed in critical condition. He had surgery the day before to remove the bullet and his right kidney, which had been skimmed and damaged by the bullet.

When they arrived at the hospital, Julie was surprised to find Toni there, wearing the same clothes she had on the day before. Had she been here all night? Julie felt awful. She hadn’t even taken a moment to consider how traumatic the day before had been for Toni. She’d been dating Pete and had fired the bullet which killed him. Talk about mental trauma. Toni looked emotionally frazzled and exhausted sitting in Brian’s room. She glanced up at them from her chair next to Brian’s bedside where she watched him sleep.

They motioned her out of the room to the hall. Toni gave Julie a weak smile, but Julie pulled her into her arms for a hug. “Have you been here all night?”

Toni nodded and gestured toward the hospital room. “He doesn’t have any family or anyone else to sit here with him. I didn’t want to leave him alone. They weren’t sure if he would make it through the night. He lost a lot of blood. If he was going to die, I couldn’t let him die alone.” Toni’s eyes filled with tears that quickly flowed down her cheeks. She seemed so lost.

Chris pulled out his cell phone. “Toni, go home. We’ll stay with him. I promise you, we won’t leave him alone anymore. I’m so sorry we didn’t realize you were here. You should have called one of us.”

She was already shaking her head. “No, I don’t want to leave. I’ll stay.”

Chris and Julie exchanged a concerned look.

Julie laid a hand on Toni’s shoulder. “Have you eaten anything?”

“I’m fine, really.”

“Tell her to go home and sleep,” said a low, gravelly voice from within the room. All three of them turned to look in shock at Brian, who was lying in bed scowling at Toni.

“Ignore him. Being hurt makes him grumpy,” Toni said, but her worried glance toward Brian said a lot more than her words. She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment as she leaned against the wall.

Julie didn’t know how much of it was physical exhaustion and how much of it was mental exhaustion, but as someone who’d spent a lifetime controlling emotional upheaval, Julie could recognize the signs. Toni was on the edge of breaking and using Brian to take the focus off her own pain. As she glanced back over at Brian, she realized this could be perfect. Brian obviously needed someone in his life and Toni had taken it upon herself to fill that position. She needed him right now as a distraction, too. They just needed to make sure she didn’t get exhausted doing it.

Turning to Chris, she instructed, “Don’t call anyone. Go sit with Brian while I take Toni down to the cafeteria to get something to eat. We’ll be back in a little bit.”

Toni began to argue, but Julie didn’t give her a chance. She just pulled her along. Luckily, Julie had slept the night before so she could push the exhausted Toni around.

Julie stopped her once they were further down the hall. “You have two choices right now, although it really doesn’t matter which you choose, because you will be doing both before you’re allowed back into his room.”

Toni clenched her jaw, but didn’t argue, even though her eyes shot sparks. Julie figured that was a good sign the sassy girl was still in there, regardless of the awfulness of the day before.

“You need to shower and change your clothes, but you also need to eat. Which would you like to do first?”

“Are you saying I stink?” Toni discreetly checked her pits and the sides of Julie’s mouth quirked up.

She couldn’t keep the laugh from escaping. “No, but there’s a shower and I have a change of clothes down in the Physical Therapy department. You’ll feel better for it. It will help as much to fix your exhaustion as you can without actually going home and taking a nap, which I gathered you wouldn’t even consider. Right?”

“Right.”

“So which first, shower or food?”

Toni wilted, the fight going out of her.

Julie swallowed against the lump in her throat. It would take a while for this girl to get over the trauma from the day before, but Julie planned to be there to physically and mentally prop her up.

“Do you think we could get a cup of coffee on the way to the shower?”

“I think that could be arranged. Come on.” She steered Toni toward her office to pick up fresh clothes.

When Toni got out of the shower, they were chatting about inane things and ignoring the elephant in the room when something occurred to Julie. “Who’s taking care of Sam, your dog?”

“Jake and Cassie took him to their house. They were here yesterday when I decided to stay.”

“Okay, good.” Toni seemed so tired. She wouldn’t have even been there if it wasn’t for Julie pulling her into the house yesterday. “Listen, Toni, I’m so sorry that I drug you into that situation yesterday. You tried to leave and I probably should have let you, but I’m so glad that I didn’t. If I had, I would be dead now. You saved my life. Thank you for that.”

Toni nodded sharply, but didn’t say anything so Julie quietly asked, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. You know this just perfects my atrocious dating record. Not everyone can attract serial rapists and killers.”

“Hey, I knew him a lot longer than you did, and I had no idea. You couldn’t have known. He hid it incredibly well, even from himself. I talked with my therapist about it this morning and he said that it was an obvious psychotic break. I look at it as he had two personalities…the one we knew and the one that was broken by that awful murder of his girlfriend when he was too young to deal with it. Let me give you my doctor’s name. He’s very good and you need to talk about this with someone. It helps. I promise you.”

Toni studied Julie for a moment before agreeing to take Dr. Eckert’s number.