Operation Endurance

CHAPTER 38

Julie settled into the covers of her bed and picked up her telephone. Every time she thought about doing this, she needed to make a list. That just meant she was on the right track by making this call. She needed to work out these emotions and deal with her sister.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Rach, it’s me.”

“Hey, you. How are you feeling?”

“I’m good. I went back to work this week and everything’s really good.” Julie played with the stitching on the quilt of her bed, fighting the urge to pick up a pen. God, she didn’t know how to get into this with her. “Rachel,” she whispered, “I’m really sorry.”

“Sorry for what, Peanut?”

Julie swallowed her tears, needing to be able to talk so she could get through this. “I’m sorry I blamed you when my life fell apart. I knew it wasn’t your fault, but I needed someone to blame for my world collapsing around me last year.”

“Jules, you know you don’t have to apologize to me for that. You were hurting. It was a natural reaction. There’s nothing to forgive here. We’re family. It’s all good. Besides, I’m a psychologist. Even when you get furious with me, usually I know why you feel that way.”

Julie gave a watery laugh. “God, do I even want to know how many psychological papers you’ve written about me? It helps to have the entire manual of psychotherapy in one person in your family, huh?”

Rachel’s light laughter tinkled across the distance of the phone. “I got my on the job training way early in life. But seriously, are you really okay? How was your appointment with Dr. Eckert?”

“It was good. I mean really good. I think I’m going to really get better this time. He pointed out some things about what happened when we were kids that I never considered.” She swallowed again. “I’ve worked so hard to never think about it. I never gave myself a chance to process those events as an adult.”

“Jules, we were both too young to deal with what we did.”

“Do you think we made a mistake never telling mom and dad about it?”

“At the time, absolutely. We should have told them. We were too young, you especially, to be able to process that kind of trauma. And it was a trauma for both of us. You weren’t the only one who had a hard time dealing with it all. There’s a reason I became a psychologist.” Her voice lowered. “Jules, you’re so strong. I know you think the issues you’ve been having, especially in the last year, are about you being weak. But as a professional, I look at you and see how incredibly strong you are. Most eleven year olds would have buckled under the trauma you went through without help, but you didn’t. You just became so much stronger for it. I’ve always admired that strength and I’ve seen it all again this past year.”

“I’m not strong. I’ve been an incredible coward, but I’m doing better. I’m getting better.”

“Does this have anything to do with a certain gorgeous blond hunk that never left your side in the hospital?”

“Yes,” Julie whispered. “Rach, Chris was Nugget’s father.”

“I had a feeling that was the case. He was way too worried about you to just be a friend. Have you told him?”

“Yeah, and he’s handled it really well all things considered. You could say we’re dating.” That seemed so odd, but in an incredible wonderful way to be able to finally say that.

“That’s great, Jules, but he’s a guy who’s had his own trauma. Just don’t forget that. It’s going to be so important for both of you to be open and honest with each other. It could be way too easy to sink into yourselves and think you can handle your own problems. You especially, because I know that’s already an automatic thing for you. You guys can make it work, but you need to stay upfront with each other.”

“Thank you, Dr. Hyatt.”

“Sorry. I can’t help it. I’m trained to see problems before they occur. If there’s anyone who’s earned a smooth and happy relationship, it’s you two. I want that for you.”

Julie smiled to herself. “Believe me, Rachel; we’re ready for that too. No more traumas; no more drama. God, it sounds like pure Nirvana.”

“Ha, listen to you rhyming. It must be love.”

She giggled. “I think it really is, Rachel. He’s incredible, but I’m terrified that something’s going to come along and ruin it all again. Tell me I’m being stupid, because I know I am, but I can’t help it. I’m so scared of losing him again. I don’t think I could live through that.”

“If that happens, you’ll survive it, because you’re strong, but I think you two are going to be okay. I have a really good feeling about this.”

“Thanks, Rach. I love you and I’m so sorry that I’ve been so awful this last year.”

“Stop, you’ve been fine. You’ve just been hurting and even with that, you’ve been fine. Honestly, Julie, you have enough to worry about. This is not even a blip. Don’t worry. You and I are sisters. That means you’re stuck with me, no matter what.”

“Thank God for that. I love you, Rach.”

“I love you, too, Peanut.”