Not After Everything

After dinner, Henry pulls out a guitar and we all sit around the fireplace drinking wine—the adults insisted, so I obliged, even though I usually avoid any and all alcohol-related beverages for fear I’ll turn out like my dad—and everyone sings and tells stories well into the night. I didn’t even know families could be like this. I really was dealt a shitty hand.

As the night winds down, the extended family packs up to leave. Soon it’s just Jordyn’s immediate family and me. Henry sings a love song to Kelly, who mouths all the words along with him because she’s heard it a hundred times. Patricia sits on Aslan’s lap with his arms wrapped around her, whispering in her ear and kissing her neck. Jordyn sits across from me on the floor with her back against the couch next to Henry’s feet, eyes closed, completely lost in the words of Henry’s song. Everyone’s so damn happy. It’s too much. I excuse myself, heading to the basement guest room. Kelly’s insisted I stay because she won’t have me drinking and driving.

I shut myself into the guest bathroom and stare at my reflection. All I can see right now is my mom. My stupid fucking coward mom. If she loved me as much as all those crazy people upstairs love Jordyn, she never would’ve killed herself.

I splash some cold water on my face hoping it’ll calm me down, and then rest my hand on the doorknob, steadying myself for the goddamn love fest upstairs.

When I finally open the door, Jordyn’s standing against the wall, waiting. A drip of water trails down the side of my face, but before I can wipe it away, she’s doing it for me. She holds her cool hand against my cheek. Her eyes meet mine. My breathing picks up. Her hand brushes down my face and arm, and she takes my hand. I gently pull her to me. Her eyes momentarily flutter shut as I run my fingers down her cheek and then trace her lips with my thumb. I tip her face up to meet mine. Our noses brush and her lips part. I breathe her in; the heady, sweet smell of red wine on her breath mixes with the flowery scent of her shampoo. The wine didn’t affect me nearly as much as the way she’s looking at me does. I’m pretty sure we’re both floating several inches off the ground. My lips softly brush against hers and my whole body is suddenly on fire.

I run my fingers through her hair, cupping my hand against the back of her neck. And then I pull her closer and kiss her with every last part of me. I need to feel every inch of her. She must feel it too because her hands are under my shirt, gripping my back, pulling me closer still. I run my hands over her clothes and she looks at me in a way that has me sliding my hand under her shirt and unfastening her bra. She moans against my mouth. I pull her legs up and around me, pressing her back into the wall. She moans deeper. My hands find their way back under her shirt and I groan as I cup her breast in my hand, rubbing my thumb over her hard nipple. Our clothes are really getting in the way. I begin to pull her shirt over her head when I hear footsteps on the stairs.

Jordyn stiffens and I quickly set her back down on the ground. She straightens her shirt, adjusting her unfastened bra just before Kelly appears at the bottom of the stairs. It’s pretty obvious what we were doing, especially if she were to glance at my crotch for some reason, but Kelly says, “I wanted to make sure Tyler was all set in the guest room, and that you showed him where the towels were and gave him a spare toothbrush.” I think maybe she’s too tipsy to put two and two together. Thank god.

Once she’s retreated up the stairs, I turn to Jordyn, hoping she’ll suggest we pick up where we left off, but she’s having a hard time looking at me for more than a second at a time. It’s awkward and yet there’s still a little bit of a sexual charge in the air. But when I take a step toward her and she backs up, the sexual tension evaporates. I wish her good night and close myself in the guest room.

I lie in the most comfortable bed I’ve ever felt and can’t stop thinking about what would have happened if Kelly hadn’t interrupted. And that makes me hard again. I grab the towel Kelly gave me and head to the shower.





TWENTY-FIVE


I’m awake before the sun is up, acutely aware that there’s only a wall between Jordyn and me. I can still feel her hands gripping my back and her legs wrapped around me. Did that really happen? And is there any way to make it happen again? I think she was as into it as I was. But then why did she back away after her mom left?

Only one way to find out.

Opening the door to the hallway, I listen for any sound of life. All’s quiet on the western front, so I sneak over to Jordyn’s room. The door is unlocked. Had she been waiting for me to come over here last night? Or maybe she just leaves her door unlocked. It’s not like she has anyone she needs to keep out.

Her breathing is deep and steady; she’s obviously still asleep. I cautiously sit on the edge of the bed memorizing her peaceful face. My fingers want to touch her, so I do, cautiously. Her cheeks are soft. I run my fingers through her hair and she stirs.

“Mmm.”

“Morning,” I whisper.

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