Norma Jean

chapter 6



Norma



Losing your virginity f*cking hurts. I don’t care what I’ve read in romance novels. Though it was beautiful. He even tried to stop but it was done and no need to be unfinished. While messy and painful I wouldn’t change it for the world. I also realized something about myself.

I’m in love with him.

I’m in love with the only person I ever hated.

It’s sick really. And I don’t know what’s worse. The fact that I fell in love with someone who used to verbally abuse me, or that he fell for the girl who showed him a lie. I’m not this girl he sees when he looks at me. I’m not nice, sexy, or emotionally stable.

What you see isn’t what I am, I swear it. I still can’t look myself in the mirror. I only see huge angry bumps that will never go away. They will always haunt who I am, make me do crazy things. Like setting out to ruin this boy. Who showed me a side of him that I didn’t know was in there. That boy who messed me up doesn’t exist anymore. He was so young at the time and it is amazing that he pulled himself out of his father’s shadow. He became a good person instead of going down that path.

I’ve only met Mr. Duncan once, and that was when Chance took me to dinner at his house about 4 weeks ago. I will never go back. His new wife is like 25, which is disgusting. The only words that came out of his mouth were hurtful and insulting. Chance can’t do this and can’t do that. When it’s so clear he doesn’t know his own son at all. I think the divorce was the best thing that ever happened to Chance.

So here I am sitting in this hotel bed with the white sheets around my waist and one arm crossed over my breasts. While Chance lounges around with his arms behind his head and his perfect body mostly on display. His face is satisfied and lazy. The joy radiating out of him is almost more than I can bare. How could I have decided to destroy him? That puts me right up there with his father. He doesn’t deserve what I wanted to do to him.

“I love you big foot.” I whisper. He deserves my love, not my revenge. The boy who deserves that doesn’t exist anymore. I’m happy I opened my eyes before I did anything stupid.

He sits up so fast I’m pretty sure he pulled something. The smile on his face is contagious and I find myself looking into his beautiful hazel eyes and returning that smile. “I love you too, smalls.” he whispers before crushing his lips against mine. It’s sweet and heartwarming. I never want to let it go.



*****



When I open my eyes early the next morning, I feel this overwhelming sense of peace. I’m happy for the first time I think since I was a little girl. Chance is spooned against my back and his arm is resting over my hip. His hand is curved around my other hip and I feel safe.

“Morning.” he whispers into my ear, kissing the shell.

“Morning.” I say back as I roll over to face him.

My heart stops as I take in his rumpled hair and sleepy eyes. Stubble appears on his face but it does nothing to hide the lazy grin he throws my way as he leans in to kiss my lips softly. Tingles shoot all over my body and I bite my lip when he pulls away. “We have to get going.” he says almost wistful.

“I know.” And I sigh because I want to stay with him here forever. I kiss his cheek before getting up out of the bed. The place between my legs is sore, in a good way though. I only hope I don’t walk around funny. That would be news worthy “Local high school graduate, who just lost virginity, limps as she walks across the stage to accept diploma.”

“You okay?” he asks as he watches me walk funny across the room.

“Yeah. Just sore. I’ll take a bath when I get home. It should help.” I grin at him and pick up my dress from beside the bed on the floor.

“Okay.” He rises then and I have this need to push him back on that bed and take full advantage of that body. His muscles ripple with his movements and the tingle is back. All that fine piece of man is mine. No one else’s. I can’t even believe it.

It also has the strange effect on me that no one else has seen him like this. Just me. Yeah I freaking love it. “Your phone.” he says breaking into my staring.

I guess I didn’t hear it going off staring at him like that. I take a peek at his face and yup he’s looking really cocky. “Shut up.” I say laughing and picking up my phone.

It’s my mom probably wondering where the hell I am. “What’s up?” I asks as I cradle the phone to my ear and pull the zipper on my dress.

“Did you have fun? I hope not too much fun. I don’t want to be a grandmother at 34.” She says it teasingly but if she only knew. Luckily Chance isn’t retarded and used a condom. Not that I would let him anywhere near my vagina without one.

“Yes I had fun. And no not too much fun. We are fixing to leave so I’ll see you in little bit.” I pick my shoes up and sit on the end of the bed to put them on.

“Okay hurry. Your dad is here and wants to take you out for breakfast.” My shoes make a thumping noise as they hit the ground. I didn’t even realize I dropped them.

“You asked him to come?” I can’t believe that she would do that. Now I have to play nice with the man who donated his sperm for my creation. Joy.

“No, he showed up about 30 minutes ago. Your Grammy told him. She knew we wouldn’t invite him.” Damn Grammy. That woman is always in other people’s business. She shouldn’t have invited him, he did knock up her youngest child at 16 and then barely paid attention to me or my mother.

“Well I shall have a nice word with Grammy.” I hang up the phone and fall back onto the bed.

Chance appears over me a few seconds later and smirks at me, “Your dad?” I used to hate the way he would talk in uncompleted sentences but it has grown on me. Makes him seem kind of like a caveman.

“Yeah, he’s here and wants to take me to breakfast. My Grammy told him about graduation.” I kiss his cheek and push him out of the way. I finish putting on my shoes and dig a ponytail holder out of my handbag. I try and tame the locks into a messy bun but I know it’s a lost cause.

“I’ll go.” he says as he takes my hand. “If you want.” I notice now that he has on his shirt and pants but the jacket and bowtie are in his other hand.

“No, you should spend it with your mom and Macy. It’s a big day for everyone.” He nods and looks a little disappointed.

We walk out of the hotel and to his truck. He as usual opens my door for me and I kiss his cheek. I can’t believe how sweet and gentlemanly he is sometimes.

The ride back to my house is quiet but I enjoy it. We are like that most of the time. Though I sit pressed up against him and his hand is on my thigh. When we arrive at my house there is a black Dodge Avenger sitting next to my Cobalt and behind my mom’s Corolla. Yay daddy dearest.

Chance and I kiss before I get out of the truck and head into my house. The second my mom sees me I think she might faint. “What?” I ask quietly looking around for my dad.

“You look different. That’s all. Something I should know?” She questions with an eyebrow raised.

“Not that I know of. Where’s dad?” she points towards her room and I think I might throw up.

“It’s not like that, Norma Jean! He is using my bathroom. Jesus.” She is quick to get out. I calm my stomach and shudder trying to get that image out of my head.

“Good. I’m going to go get a shower.” I walk back to my room, grab the clothes I have picked out for graduation and head into the bathroom.

When I’m all ready, I step into the living and take in my dad who I haven’t seen in years. His dark hair is cut short to his head and his green eyes are intense as he takes me in too. “Hello Norma.”

“Dad.” The silence that falls after that is weird because Mom and him keep giving each other looks. I don’t even want to go down that road. “Can we get going? I’m starving.”

“Sure.” he says as he walks towards the front door.

Mom and I follow and we all pile into his car. The man doesn’t go anywhere so I don’t know why he needs this kind of car. It’s flashy but subtle if that makes sense. I hate it honestly, I feel like we are part of the secret service as dark as the tinted windows are.

He drives to a small mom and pop place that serves all kinds of things, including 24 hour breakfast. When we are seated, I look over the menu and surprisingly dad and I order the same shit. Scrambled eggs, baked potato, and cheese burger. Well I guess that is where I get my quirky stomach.

“So are you excited to be going to OBU?” my dad asks. OBU or Ouachita Baptist University which is located about 2 hours from here and only 30 minutes from my dad’s house. The only reason my mom let me go there. I don’t see why seeing as he’s not the best father.

I believe in God and everything, but I’m not overly religious. Dad said he would pay for me to go to college if he got to pick where I went. He picked OBU. His alma mater. “Sure. It’s a school and I’ll have to do school work and shit. Sounds like so much fun. Plus I have to go to mandatory chapel every Tuesday. Fun.” I fist pump the air to go along with my sarcasm.

“No need to have such a negative attitude about it, Norma. You’ll like it, I promise. Or I wouldn’t have sent you there.” He shovels some food into his mouth after speaking and I find we are more alike than I thought. Well in table manners that is.

“Sure dad.” is all I reply.

When we finish eating, we head over to the high school where they are throwing the ceremony. The thing goes by fast considering. I hate sitting around all these people and waiting for them to call my name but it was nice to see Chance walk across the stage. He looks so happy and carefree. I’m glad I didn’t ruin it for him.

Afterwards I’m heading over to congratulate him when Creed Donovan steps into my path. “You think you’re the only one? I like you a lot Norma, so I have to tell you the truth. Chance wasn’t a virgin. He doesn’t love you either. He was just trying to make up for some karma. He has actually been sleeping with my girlfriend Tess. I just found this out myself.” His words make me hurt. I don’t want to believe him but Creed has known Chance way longer than I have.

It doesn’t help that Tess is at this moment kissing Chance on the cheek and he is looking at her like he looks at me.



Chance



Tess’s kiss on the cheek was a little strange…and forward. I haven’t really ever talked to her before, so when she came over to say congratulations I was a little stunned. Creed gets a little possessive with his girlfriends, so I don’t really get to spend any time with them.

“Um thanks? I have to get going.” I stammer out and turn away scanning the crowd for Norma. I think I see her black hair over where I see Creed but people move in my way and she isn’t there.

“Have you seen Norma?” I ask when I get to his side.

“Nope. Maybe she is with her parents?” he moves his head around like he is looking for her. I scan the crowd myself but I don’t see any of them.

I do spot my mom and Macy. “Mom and Macy are over there. Gonna go.” I wave bye to him and make my way over to my family.

“I’m so proud of you Chance. You have become an amazing man.” She one arm hugs me and kisses my cheek. I flush at her praise and take Macy out of her arms to do something with my hands.

“Thanks.” She tells me things like this all the time. I think it’s to make up for all the negative crap my dad has told me. Speaking of which here he comes with the new wife. They have been married for a while but I still call her new. I doubt she lasts much longer anyway.

“Good job son. Never thought I would see the day you’d graduate from high school. Now let’s see if we can get your dumb ass through college.” He stops in front of me and I’m so f*cking glad I’m holding Macy. The man could use a punch to the face. “Come here Macy. Pop pop hasn’t seen you in days!” he exclaims to Macy. She giggles at him and reaches her arms out for the man.

Dad takes her into his arms and looks over at mom. “Stacy.” He nods hello. We should get going soon. They never last long around each other before insults get thrown around. Mary Beth looks nervous, which I don’t blame her at all.

“Mike.” Mom says icily. I hold back a laugh as she glares down Mary Beth. “I see you brought your wife. It wasn’t long ago she was doing the same thing, was it?” she asks innocently.

I roll my eyes and tune them out. I keep looking over every face I see trying to find my Norma Jean. There is no sign of her anywhere. It’s starting to make me anxious because she said she would meet me after the ceremony. I pull my phone out of my pocket to see if maybe she had to leave. I know her dad was here so maybe they wanted to do something together.

When I see nothing on the screen my stomach drops. Why would she just leave? “Mom. I’m going to get out of here.” I nod at her stepping away.

“Where are you going boy? I thought we could all go out to lunch together.” my dad says to my turned back.

“I’d rather die.” I reply under my breath.

I turn around and he takes a step towards me with anger in his eyes. “What did you say boy?”

“I have to find Norma.” I tell him. He narrows his eyes like he knows that isn’t what I said but lets it go. “Besides, I’m not hungry.”

He kisses Macy on the cheek before giving her to mom. He steps closer to me and takes something out of his pocket. “Well here’s your graduation present.” He slips the envelope in my hand and turns to usher Mary Beth away.

“Thank God. I thought I might have to eat with them.” She says them in a weird voice, which Macy finds funny and giggles. “You think grandma is funny do you? Well I think we need to get to the house and take a nap. Don’t you?” Macy stops giggling and gets tears in her eyes. “No none of that baby girl. Grandma will take one with you! We will see you later at the house Chance.” She kisses my cheek and squeezes my shoulder. “Have fun with Norma!” she calls over her shoulder.

I search the whole place for her and even send her a couple of texts that go unanswered. I finally decide to head to her house. When I get there I had no idea that my life would be ruined. That I would lose myself there. Only never to find it again.

Her mom answers the door after I knock and shakes her head when I ask if Norma is there. “I have something for you though.” She turns away from the door and comes back with a book. “She told me to give this to you. Said you would find the things you need to know.”

Before I can question her anymore, she shuts and locks the door. Totally freaked the hell out, I return to my truck and climb in. I look at the book, it’s a diary. Norma’s name is stenciled across the top in pretty script. It looks like it has seen better days.

Taking a deep breath I open to the first page.



August 12th 2004

Today was the first day of school. I was so excited this morning, but shortly after arriving I lost all excitement and become upset. You see I had the hugest crush on Chance Duncan, and he totally blew it today. I honestly never want to see him again. Ever. He called me names that really hurt my feelings. He made me feel really ugly. I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror when I got home today. I sat down on my bed and cried my eyes out. Mom came in and wanted to know what was wrong but I couldn’t tell her. She wouldn’t understand. Mom has always been pretty. Plus Chance’s mom is her best friend and she would think that I was lying. But I’m not. He said I was a “zitface”. He said I was too ugly to walk on this planet. No one talked to me today. All the friends I had last year ignored me when I tried to start a conversation. I want to die.



August 13th 2004

I was hoping that yesterday was a dream, that none of it really happened. I should have known better. He was waiting in front of the school like he was yesterday. But the words out of his mouth today were worse. He said that no one would want to talk to an ugly girl like me. He told me to stop staring at him because he wouldn’t touch me with a ten foot pole. He says I need to take better care of myself or I wouldn’t look like this. Which isn’t true. I bathe every day and use the soap my mom gave me to wash my face day and night. She even took me to the doctor who gave me special cream that is supposed to help. But it doesn’t. I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to ever go to school again.



The entries go on for days with the same stuff. Everything bad I ever said to her. Every action I took to make her feel bad about herself. All because I felt bad about myself. It’s not an excuse though. I should be killed for the kind of pain I put her through. Then one entry has me holding back tears.



May 15th 2005

Today was the last day of school. I didn’t want to get up this morning. I never want to get up in the morning. I have thought about ending it all. Just so the pain will go away and I won’t hurt like this anymore. I feel so worthless and ugly. I’m a hideous monster who should be dead. Chance laughed at me a lot today. Made fun of my face and my clothes. Like he does every day, but today was a little different. Today I wanted to fight back. I wanted to punch him in the face or kick him in the shin. I didn’t though. I did look him right in the eye when he made fun of me. He seemed to be taken back by it, but I don’t care. Maybe if he sees the hurt in my eyes he’ll stop. Maybe.



I had no idea she wanted to kill herself. What kind of person does that make me? God I’m so horrible. I can’t close my eyes now without seeing her at 12 years old and looking me straight in the eye. It was the first time she ever had. The next year she showed up at school with black hair, the clothes, the glasses, and the makeup. The pimples were gone but the lasting affect wasn’t.



September 12th 2005

First day of school again. It was way better than last year. When I saw Chance Duncan in front of the doors he ignored me. Not one thing was said to me by anyone but a teacher all day. No jokes, no insults. It was freeing. I have become invisible. And I freaking love it.



I skip the rest of the entries until I come to the day where we kissed while I was sober. It makes my heart stop and I think I might faint



March 8th 2010

After the drunk kiss last night, I kissed him again today. I wanted to see if he would have the same affect sober. He did. I won’t lie and say it wasn’t hot, because it was f*cking hot. I will say that I have him in the palm of my hand. He ran out of the house so fast it was comical. He is really affected by me. This is good, so good. I could make him fall in love with me. I could make him mine and crush him. Ruin his life the way he ruined mine. And I will do it, you just wait and see.



A folded piece of paper falls out of the back as I tip the diary to far forward. It has my name written in her hand writing. I’m almost too afraid to read what it says. But I know though, what it says. She is going to ruin my life with this little piece of paper. I honestly don’t know if I can take it after reading that last entry. I understand what I did was awful but it was 5 years ago. I was a child. I have changed.



Dear Chance,



I’m sorry to have to do this with a letter. The look on your face would have been priceless. I honestly wish I was there to see it. Alas my ride is leaving and I have to go. I’ll say what I have to say and let you be on your way. Last night was disgusting and I hope you never do that to another girl. It took everything in me not to puke while we had sex. Hell every time you ever kissed me. Touched me. You make my blood boil and not in the good way. I left you the diary so you could get the picture of why I did this. You can read everything you did to me. Though in the end, I’m the one who won, aren’t I? I made you fall in love with the ugliest girl alive. That is what you said once upon a time right? Well I don’t nor will I ever love you Chance. I hope this letter breaks your heart into a million pieces. I hope it shows you what kind of person you are. Goodbye.



Norma



With this letter she left me bare.

She left me broken.

She left me so in love.

All I wanted was her.

All she wanted was revenge.