“No,” I stopped her, “I do. It was cruel of me to treat you the way I did that day. I thought at the time I was doing what was best for you, and for me ... but you deserved better from me.”
“Look,” she cleared her throat mmmand looked down for a moment before capturing me with her glistening gaze, “I didn’t ask to speak with you so you could apologize. I wanted to tell you that I’m fine. Everything is fine and the past is in the past, okay?” She started to turn for the door.
“Savannah, wait.” I reached out, taking hold of her hand.
She stopped and faced me again. Her lip was trembling slightly, and her eyes looked conflicted. She laced her fingers between mine. “What?”
“I …” I gently tugged her hand so she would take one more step toward me. My head was spinning, and I couldn’t tell if it was from the gin or the feel of her hand in mine.
Our toes were touching and I stared into her eyes before my gaze fell to her cheeks, then her lips. The pull I felt to the woman standing before me was undeniable. Startling. It felt like we were standing on Madeline’s porch five years ago. My lips parted as I fought to say something to get out of this. To get out of holding hands with Savannah at our friends’ wedding.
Savannah bit her lip and gave a long sigh, leaning in so her mouth almost touched my ear. “You should go home to your wife, Gregory,” she whispered before freeing her hand from mine and walking back inside without a backward glance.
Gregory
Walking home from checking in on James and Madeline’s house, as they were off on their honeymoon, I found myself enjoying the silence. Peaceful silence. The kind of silence that allows you to hear the leaves hum the wind’s song. Not the kind of dreadful emptiness that I knew awaited me at home.
Karin had never been one for the silent treatment. We actually hadn’t fought much at all until recently. She wanted to reopen the baby discussion, I told her that one a.m. simply wasn’t the time, and I went to sleep. For three days I found myself watching the calendar, begging for the summer tour to start so I could escape the constant scrutiny.
Tossing my keys on the door upon entering my home, I saw Karin curled up on the couch in the formal living room, dabbing her eyes with a tissue. She seemed startled by my entrance and turned toward the south-facing window. Away from me. My chest felt heavy, seeing her in such a state. The silent anger I could handle. Hearing the sniffles of falling tears, however, I couldn’t. She was beyond mad, now. She was hurting.
“Karin.” I exhaled slowly and made my way to the couch, sitting gently next to her. She hadn’t changed out of her pajamas yet, and her hair was snarled about her head.
“Leave me alone, Gregory. Please.” Her voice shook as she rested her head on her knees.
Ignoring her, I placed my hand softly on her back.
“I said leave me alone,” she repeated with no hesitation.
Removing my hand from her back, I clasped them in front of me, leaning forward so my elbows were resting on my knees. “I won’t leave you alone, Karin. You’re my wife and you’re upset. I want to talk about whatever it is that’s upsetting you enough to cloak this place in silence for the last three days.”
Karin chuckled softly, sardonically. “Three days of silence is too much for you, yet I’m supposed to smile and live with a ghost for the last five years?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“I could live with the idea of Savannah Marshall, Gregory. Her existence in the world, your history with her—”
“I have no history with Savannah, Karin,” I lied.
“You still can’t admit it! The top student at the conservatory leaves at the beginning of her senior year, and you resign within a week of that. Don’t you dare tell me there’s no history with you two, Gregory. Especially not after half of Glen Wild’s fundamentals class saw you two making out on the street.” With a petulant scoff, Karin leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest.
Taking a deep breath to keep my patience in check, I slowly faced Karin. “We’ve discussed my reasons for resigning from the conservatory. Those are also five years old. What I don’t understand is what you mean by her ghost.”
Wordlessly, Karin stood and walked over to the baby grand piano by the window, gliding her fingers over the glossy black wood before talking at the window.
“I’d heard the rumors, just like everyone else. But I thought they were simply rumors. You’re a good man, Gregory, with strong ethics. I knew you’d never endanger your career by sleeping with a student. When you brushed me off in Lenox that summer, I thought that I was done with you. That you weren’t interested in anyone, let alone me. You hadn’t had a girlfriend since being in the conservatory yourself.” Karin shrugged and turned toward me, leaning against the piano. “Then you kissed her. In the middle of Boston for all to see.”
I swallowed hard, nodding. There was little I could do to refute that, especially given I never told her I’d slept with Savannah.
“Though you and I hadn’t been on a date in several months by that point, it hurt me. The thought of you kissing Savannah—or anyone really. I’d cared a lot about you early on, and you just weren’t interested in me.”
Not knowing where she was going with this, I felt the need to stand and meet her at the Steinway that was hosting this discussion. “Karin, I love you …” I trailed off, taking her hands in mine.
“Then why haven’t I ever had the Gregory Savannah Marshall got to have? The one who will go dancing without hours of persuasion? The one who will grab me on a busy street corner and kiss me like no one is watching?” My lips parted to retort, but she continued. “I get the ghost of you. Why that girl got that part of you no one had ever seen before, I’ll never know …”