He swallowed hard and looked past my shoulder for a split second before meeting my eyes again. “How long have you … been in love with me?” It was like he was afraid of my answer, the way he had to pull his own words out of this mouth.
Leaning forward, I took both his hands in mine, looking up just slightly, and waited for his eyes to fall on me. When they did, I took a resolute breath. “I think always.” With a puzzled look on his face, he looked like he was going to respond, but I cut him off. “Let me finish. I remember staring at you during my audition. I knew who you were and I knew how tough you were. I wanted to get in, more than anything, but I also wanted to impress you. Then I didn’t see you again until class last semester. I still had this desire to make you notice me, to make you notice my music. Then, you hated me.”
“No, I never hated you, Savannah. I was just—”
“Falling in love with me,” I whispered.
He just nodded.
“So, what now?”
He sighed. And my stomach sank as he reached up and moved a piece of hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. “Now? Now we practice together. We spend the year preparing you for your senior recital. I can help you work with Madeline to select pieces to audition with, if you’d like. But, we respect each other. I respect your position as a student, and you respect mine as a professor. We move forward cautiously and responsibly. No surprises. You’re a student.” He seemed to be reminding himself of that measly little fact any chance he got.
Grasping at straws, trying to fight my way back through the wall he was slowly rebuilding, I blurted out, “Not for another two weeks.”
“What?”
“Until classes start again. Not until we start practicing together. I’m not a student for another two weeks.” My tone may have sounded slightly panicked.
“Savannah, I don’t see what that has—”
Before I could think further than the next ten seconds, I shook my hands from his and placed them on either side of his face, pulling his lips to mine. His lips were tight as he inhaled sharply through his nose. I wasn’t letting go. Not until he kissed me back. He exhaled slowly, his shoulders sinking as he ran his hands up my sides and wrapped them behind my neck. As his fingers knotted gently through the back of my hair, his mouth opened slightly. Just barely. It was enough for me to deepen the kiss, so I did. A soft and low moan, barely audible, vibrated from Gregory’s throat as he pulled me in even tighter, his soft tongue gently caressing mine.
In two weeks we would have to pretend. To ignore how we felt. I wanted to perform with him, without question. But, during those few seconds kissing him, I had the fleeting desire to walk away from everything and run off with him. With that thought I hastily pulled away from our kiss, resting my forehead on his, both of us breathing heavily. Before either one of us could say anything, before we could even open our eyes, the shutting of a car door kicked us back to reality.
Madeline. Shit.
Gregory dropped his hands to his hips and looked down, closing his eyes tightly as if trying to wake himself up. Unfortunately, this was no dream. Madeline was walking toward us quite calmly. Rather than cross my arms in front of my chest as if I’d done something wrong, I stood a little straighter and gave her a smile.
“Good morning, Madeline.” My voice was embarrassingly squeaky.
“Morning, Savannah. Gregory.” Her tone was darkly playful.
Gregory slowly turned around. “Madeline,” he said through clenched teeth, as if he were trying to prevent himself from throwing up.
Madeline looked between the two of us a few times. Smacking her lips and arching her eyebrow, she finally spoke. “I trust that now that the two of you have gotten that out of your system, there won’t be any problems this semester?” It was less of a question, and, really, more a statement. A requirement. She didn’t wait for our answer before turning on her heels and walking inside, closing the door I’d left open behind her.
Shit. I blew it. I thought for sure Gregory would be incensed that I could have just caused a major problem for the both of us. We were lucky, all things considered, that it was Madeline who happened upon us. And that it had been out here on the porch and not the second floor of her house. I felt my cheeks heat as I nervously looked at him.
“I’m sorry, Gregory,” I cleared my throat, trying to regain some semblance of composure, “I didn’t mean to—”
Gregory’s index finger lifted my chin. “Don’t be.” His thumb gently stroked my cheek, as his eyes danced back and forth across from mine. His tone was gentle, soothing. Reassuring. “It can’t happen again, though, Savannah. Understood?”
I bit my lip and nodded. “Understood.”
The next five seconds held us in space, looking into each other’s eyes at the truths we were going to have to ignore in order to come out of the next year in one piece. With our careers intact. Finally, Gregory let his hand drop from my face, and without another word, he put his hands in his pockets and turned away from me, walking gracefully down the stairs and toward his car.
I watched until he was out of sight. Just standing on the porch in my t-shirt, with the memory of his touch burned into my body.
Gregory
It can’t happen again.
Walking down the narrow hall to the practice rooms, I mentally repeated my command to Savannah from the front porch of Madeline’s house two short weeks ago. She had nodded her understanding through flushed cheeks and those wide brown eyes of hers before responding. I had to repeat it, because I was about to see her for the first time since that morning.