No Attachments

chapter 11: Anticipating the deed

Ashton

Despite the fact that he had fallen asleep, I stayed with Nathan as promised until they moved him to his room. Only once he was out did I allow myself to dwell on how scared I had been, thinking he was going to die. We'd known each less than four days and really knew nothing about each other, yet I was worrying about him like we had been lovers for a lifetime. It was insanity to feel anything other than lust for someone I hardly knew, but everything about him enticed me, tricking me into believing in what-ifs. We weren't supposed to have any feelings or strings attached, but here I was. I knew without a shadow of a doubt I was setting myself up. The wisest thing I could do would be to catch a cab and never look back. No harm, no foul. Foolishly, I did neither.

The drive back to my cottage passed quickly as I attempted to sort through and categorize my feelings. By the time I returned home I realized my mixed-up emotions were an accumulation of stress and anxiety from his allergic reaction. Sure, I liked him, but he was still just an item on my list. I had to stick to our deal, and as long as he could keep his word, we could have our fun and then go our separate ways.

***

The chirping of a new text on my phone woke me the next morning.

I smiled when I read the text message from Tressa.

"Give me all the deets Ho."

"Can't. It would take forever to type all the deets."

"OMG you dirty Ho. Too many deets? I think I need to take a cold shower."

"Don't be a perv." I typed, laughing.

"Takes one to know one. Now dish the juicy deets."

"Can't I have to run an errand. I'll call you later after I get off work."

I was anxious to go, and hurried off to the bathroom to get ready. I wanted to convince myself that my nervous energy was just because I had to hurry and pick him up and get back in time for work, but the truth is I wanted to see him again. The magnetic pull we seemed to have taunted me with its insistence. Thoughts of the kiss we had shared the night before flashed through my head as I showered. How good it felt to have his hands on me with his body flush against mine. The desire flowing through me was overwhelming as I allowed my fantasy to continue. My hands followed the path of the warm water cascading down the curves of my body. I felt myself swaying as I imagined Nathan's tongue on my skin. "Okay, I don't have time for this," I said aloud, snapping myself back to reality. I switched the water to the coldest setting to clear my head and finished my shower. The bathroom felt chilly as I wrapped the towel around me and hurried to my room to dress.

Ten minutes later, I was backing Nathan's SUV out of my driveway, headed for the hospital. While I sat at a traffic light about five miles from the hospital, curiosity got the better of me, and I couldn't help snooping around his vehicle. The middle console held nothing but loose change and a container of orange Tic Tacs, which I found cute. The light changed before I could further my search. Only when I was parked in the visitor lot at the hospital was I able to continue snooping. I was a bit disappointed when the glove compartment yielded nothing but an insurance card, registration and a vehicle owner's manual. I don't know what I was hoping to find. Maybe a picture or something that would give me insight into his life.

I began to feel guilty about looking through his stuff, especially considering I had set the rules for our relationship. Deciding to give it a rest, I climbed from the vehicle and headed toward the entrance of the hospital. Nathan's room was up on the third floor. When I reached his room, I paused outside his door when I heard him talking.

"It was a dead end," I heard him say. I realized the silence that followed his comment meant he was on the phone. Feeling intrusive, I started to back away when his next comment stopped me in his tracks.

"It could take several weeks. I'll backtrack to see if I can catch what I missed."

Several more moments of silence followed before he harshly responded again. "You can certainly do that. I don't see them yielding any different results, but it's your money."

More silence.

"I think that's a wise decision. I'll call you in a few weeks when I have something solid to report," Nathan said.

Pushing open his door, I was surprised to find him already dressed and sitting on the foot of his bed. His expression was sullen until he spotted me in the doorway. I felt bad that his boss was giving him a hard time.

"Your boss being a douche?" I asked, indicating the phone in his hand.

Nathan eyed me warily for a moment before sighing heavily. "He's not pleased with the story I'm currently working on," he said, studying me intently.

"Does that mean you're leaving?" I asked, acting like it didn't matter either way.

He smiled at me, looking relieved. "Not on your life, sweetheart. He can suffer it out," he added with sudden steel in his voice.

"Will he fire you?" I asked.

"If he does, there are other jobs. I'm not worried," he said, sliding an arm around me and guiding me out of the room.

"Don't you need to wait to be discharged?"

"Already done. I could have gone home last night. I woke up around two feeling completely normal. Of course, the doctor kept me waiting until he made his rounds this morning."

"Poor baby," I teased, pushing the down button for the elevator.

"Damn straight," he growled, pulling me even closer once we stepped into the empty elevator. "I was left for hours with only thoughts of you to keep me entertained since the TV in my room was broken."

"Is that a bad thing?" I asked as he turned me to face him.

"Only in the aspect that the damn nurses felt they needed to check on me every hour. It doesn't bode well to be turned on while a nurse is hovering over you, asking how you feel."

"I thought all guys had a thing for nurses," I joked, studying his lips that were inches away from mine.

"They have nothing on you," he said, dropping his hot open lips on mine. I whimpered against them as all the desire I'd been holding at bay since the night before roared through me like a hungry lion. Lacing my fingers through his hair, I pulled his head closer to me, unable to get enough. Sensing my need, he lifted me up in his arms so my legs were firmly wrapped around his waist. I gasped as I felt his hardness pressed up against the part of me that was throbbing with need.

"One of these days we're going to do this without any clothes," he whispered against my lips as the elevator dinged, announcing the arrival to our floor.

"And maybe we can even involve a bed," I said, unlocking my legs from around his waist as the elevator doors slid open.

Nathan groaned at my words as if he was in pain. "You're slowly killing me," he said, adjusting his pants.

I couldn't help giggling as he strolled beside me looking uncomfortable. "Fair play can be a bitch," he warned, lacing his fingers through mine.

"Ooh, I'm shaking in my boots," I mocked.

"Is that a challenge?" he asked with his eyes glinting with interest.

"Bring it on, big boy."

"Oh, it's on," he said, dragging me in for a hard kiss before helping me into his vehicle.

I was smiling at his threat as he climbed behind the wheel. I enjoyed the obvious power I had over him and was relieved it wasn't one-sided. "How about some lunch since I ripped you off at dinner last night?" he asked, backing out of the parking place.

"Can't. I have to be at Fran's by eleven," I answered, glancing at the clock on the dash that showed the current time at a quarter past ten.

"Damn, that gives us hardly enough time to get you there, let alone stopping to get you something to eat."

"That's okay. I'm really not that hungry," I answered truthfully. My appetite was hit or miss lately, and it wasn't unusual for me to skip a meal or two.

"What time do you get off?"

"Six," I answered.

"You can't work for seven hours without eating anything," he said, looking disgruntled before abruptly turning the vehicle into a fast food restaurant right before the highway. "You can eat in the car," he insisted.

"You're kind of pushy, you know that, right?"

"I just know when I'm right," he said, pulling into the drive-thru. "What would you like?" he asked as a nasally voice screeched over the intercom.

"A burger and fries is fine," I said. "Coke to drink," I added.

"Two number fours with Cokes to drink," Nathan said through his open window.

"We won't be serving lunch for another ten minutes, would you like to wait?" the voice squawked over the intercom.

Nathan looked at me questioningly. "I guess that's fine. I'll give Fran a call and tell her I'll be a few minutes late.

"We'll wait," Nathan said into the intercom.

"Pull forward, please."

Stopping in front of the drive-thru window, Nathan handed over a twenty to the cashier who looked harassed, although the day really had just started. "If you park in one of the spaces over there, we'll bring out your food when it's ready," she said, handing over our drinks and change.

"Will Fran mind that you're late?"

"No, she really only hired me to keep her company. I try to lighten her load by handling all the grunt work, but she's a tough old bird," I answered, taking a sip of my soda.

"You sound like you enjoy it," he said.

"I do. It's nice to be accountable to something that makes me feel normal," I admitted, momentarily forgetting who I was talking to. He had an easy laid-back manner that had me disclosing information best left unsaid.

"What do you mean normal?" he asked, taking a sip of his own drink.

"Oh, you know how life seems disjointed while you're in college. You're neither an adult out in the working world, or a teenager who can count on your parents to solve all your problems," I lied, covering up my slip of the tongue. "It's nice to be off the limbo fence now."

"It must be hard to have lost both your parents. Do you have any other family?"

"No, it's just me," I lied again.

"That's rough," he said, eyeing me critically like he expected me to have a sudden meltdown.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I try not to think about," I said pointedly so he would change the subject.

"There's no one back home who misses you?" he persisted.

"Why? Are you changing your mind about adding my head to your collection?" I joked, hoping he'd get the hint.

He looked as if he wanted to ask me another question, but must have thought better of it. "Don't you mean 'boobies in my trunk'?" he asked just as an employee from the restaurant approached his open window.

I bit off a laugh as the employee eyed us like we had two heads or something before thrusting our food at us and scurrying away. "I'm pretty sure we've traumatized her," I commented as I handed him a fry out of the bag. "You better hope she doesn't take down your license plate number."

"Wouldn't be the first time," he joked, merging onto the highway.

"I knew it all along. You're like that Ned Dundy guy."

"Who?" he asked, taking the burger I had unwrapped for him.

"The serial killer who lured girls into his car."

"You mean Ted Bundy?" he asked, laughing.

"Whatever. He was mentioned in one of my psychology classes along with some other freaky dudes."

"I took a class in college once that concentrated on the study of serial killer behaviors. It was interesting," he replied.

"You're not helping your case," I said dryly.

"Trust me, sweetheart. You'll approve of the plans I have for your body." He shot a suggestive look at me.

"You're such a flirt," I quipped, ignoring the effect his joking words had on me.

"Just keeping it real," he said seriously, taking another drink of his Coke.

"Is that right?"

"You can bank on it."

"This weather is amazing," I said, changing the subject. I rolled down my window slightly to let the cool breeze flow in.

"Truth. It's much more enjoyable running in temperatures in the low forties and fifties versus the eighties and nineties," he explained.

"I wouldn't know anything about the whole running thing, or anything involving exercise for that matter, but I agree that the lower temperatures make everything better," I said, scrunching my nose disdainfully at the idea of running.

"You don't exercise?" he asked, looking at me like I was nuts.

"God no. Life is too short for something so disagreeable."

"Disagreeable? Now that's crazy talk. It's freeing and exhilarating. Not to mention an excellent way to clear your mind."

"I'll pass."

"What do you do to relax then?" he asked.

"I'm active in a lot of swinger clubs," I deadpanned, laughing as he swerved slightly.

"Kidding. Right now I'm tackling a list of things I would like to try. Hence, jumping off a bridge," I answered vaguely, not delving into the title of my list.

"What else?" he asked conversationally.

"Mostly things I've never had a chance to do. Make a snow angel, a canoe ride at night, a picnic in the moonlight, a snowball fight, stuff like that. I want to do as many items on my list as I can."

"All of that sounds cool, but why the rush to do them all now? You've got your whole life ahead of you."

"Sometimes life has a way of preventing you from doing the things you want to do the most," I answered evasively.

Silence filled the car following my words. Not an uncomfortable silence, mind you. We both just sort of lapsed into our own thoughts. His presence was comforting and felt right, which sent a warning flag in my head. Our relationship was supposed to be based on sex. Even though the sexual tension continued to hum at a low frequency between us, the tentative friendship we were forming was making its presence known.

"Favorite band?" Nathan asked, breaking the silence.

"Impossible to answer. First of all, there are too many genres I listen to, not to mention it's like asking a parent to pick a favorite child," I stated.

"Come on. You still have to have a favorite," he cajoled. "How about we narrow it down by songs?"

"That's even worse. Every song has a place and time, and it just depends on the significance they have on your life at the time. What about you?" I asked, smiling when he threw out a boy band song.

"Hey, laugh all you want, but the Backstreet Boys were good."

"You just don't seem like the Backstreet Boys type," I laughed. "Besides, I think they're like Backstreet Men now."

The rest of the ride raced by as we named off songs and the significances they held for us.

Thirty minutes later, we were debating the pros and cons of songs from the nineties, and what was currently hot on the charts, when Nathan pulled into the dirt lot on the side of Smith's General Store. For the first time that morning, there was an uncomfortable silence between us. I wasn't sure if it was my place to mention our next hook-up attempt or if he would. "So, I guess I better go in," I said, reaching for the handle.

He reached over and snagged my wrist. "I'll be here at six to pick you up," he said, pulling my hand up to his lips.

"Uh, you don't have to. I can walk home," I said, not sure about the track our relationship was currently on. I didn't sign on to get to know him. It was supposed to be sex, plain and simple.

"Like hell you can," he retorted.

"I'm wondering if we should call it quits while we're ahead. I'm not sure our possible hook-up is in the cards. It's like fate is trying to give us a sign. I figured maybe we should listen. You'll only be in town for a few more days anyway," I answered, expressing my concerns.

"Are you trying to break up with me?"

"We'd have to be dating to break up," I answered.

"Fair enough. Are you trying to end our sexual exploits before they've had a chance to be explored? Are you telling me you no longer want to go bike riding with me?" he coaxed, trailing his hand over my knee.

"Of course not. I was just trying to give you an out," I said, watching his hand with bated breath as it crept higher up my leg.

"I'm not looking for an out," he said, all joking gone from his voice. "I'll be here at six to pick you up," he clarified.

"And there would be that bossy side again," I said. "You really don't have to. Maybe you should rest tonight and we can get together tomorrow," I reasoned, trying to re-establish boundaries.

"Let me get this straight. I ask you to dinner, proceed to be a total dumbass by eating something I'm allergic to, you rush me to the hospital, sit by my sorry ass until a room was ready and then proceed to drive forty-five minutes out of your way the next morning to pick me up, making yourself late for work and yet, you think I'd pay you back by making you walk home after stranding you at work. That's not bossy. That's owning up," he said, flipping my hand over to plant a kiss on my palm.

"Besides, I don't want to be away from you that long," he added, placing another kiss in the center of my palm.

My breath quickened at the touch of his lips. "Okay," I finally answered, forcing myself to withdraw my hand so I wouldn't be any later for work.

Shutting the car door behind me, I walked away even though I would have much rather stayed with him. I was surprised at my reluctance to leave him. Even with my pathetic experience at dating, I'd always been put off by the limited conversation skills the guys I dated seemed to have. More times than not, the conversations had been stilted and often one-sided. Usually a few hours into the date, I was ready to call it a night and anxious to escape their presence. Was this how a real relationship was supposed to be? Did people really crave the companionship of their significant other to the point of being obsessive over it?

"I'm glad to see you survived your jump," Fran greeted me as I entered the store.

"Piece of cake," I answered, donning an apron.

"Piece of cake, my ass," she grumbled, glaring at me. "You're lucky you didn't break your damn fool head."

"It might be an improvement," I quipped.

"Don't be sassy."

"Yes, ma'am," I answered, smirking.

"And don't 'ma'am' me. You know that makes me feel old," she reprimanded. "Now, tell me about your date with Mr. Handsome."

"How did you know I went out with him?" I asked, chuckling at another title being bestowed on Nathan. It seemed we could only talk about him in adjective terms.

"Darling, did you forget where you live? Plus, your man came in to ask me about restaurants. So, tell me everything. It's been years since I've heard anything spicier than Mitch Hick trying to grope Nancy Lewis during the bake sale. In her dreams, more like it."

I laughed at her words. "There's not much to tell. Nathan wound up having an allergic reaction to the cashews they put on his salad and spent the night in County General Hospital."

"Piss. Not even a kiss?" she asked, sounded highly disappointed.

"Well…" I hemmed and hawed, not sure how much of the kiss in my living room I was willing to share. "He may have kissed me a few times."

"Details. Now," she demanded. She perched herself on the stool behind the counter and waited for me to continue, her eyes sparkling with interest.

"We may have shared probably the hottest kiss of my existence before we left for dinner last night," I admitted, blushing.

"Don't stop now," she encouraged.

"I guess you could say I was unprepared for the sensations it would evoke in me," I admitted, trying to describe it in the most tasteful way possible. Over the last few months, I'd learned that Fran was more frank than any person I'd ever known. Between her and Tressa, my sex life or lack of was public knowledge.

"Honey, I could have told you he'd be a good kisser. I could tell just looking at him and listening to him that he knows how to treat a woman right."

"He's such a contradiction," I admitted, sinking on the spare stool behind the counter.

"In what way?"

"At times he seems every bit his age—sophisticated, mature, in control—but when he lets his guard down, he seems years younger. It's as if he grew up too quick and forgot to have fun," I mused.

"Don't fool yourself. You're the spitting image of what you just described your young man as. It happens sometimes to those who have suffered great loss or faced circumstances no child should ever have to face," she said, looking knowingly at me.

"Are you sure you weren't a shrink in a past lifetime?" I teased.

She snorted at my words. "I could have never tolerated all the bellyaching. Now get back to the kiss and those sensations it 'evoked' in you," she said, repeating my words from earlier.

"Just put it this way. It was toe-curling, mouth-dropping, body-quivering hot."

"That's my kind of kiss. The kind where everything inside you melts away to nothing," she said, gazing out the storefront, lost in memories.

"Exactly," I agreed.

"When are you going to see him again?"

"He's picking me up after work," I admitted.

"Excellent," she said, rubbing her hands together in glee like she was the one he was picking up.

I smiled at her enthusiasm even though my own stomach was filled with butterflies. I had a good idea where Nathan and I would wind up that night, and I couldn't help being nervous about it. After our failed attempts thus far, it seemed destined that when we finally consummated our relationship, it wouldn't live up to the expectations. I couldn't help worrying that he would find me less adequate than the usual women he hooked up with. When our relationship was supposed to be a one-night stand, I at least was comforted by the idea that I wouldn't have to see him in the morning. As things stood now, I would have to face the shame if he found the sex subpar.

I was grateful that I at least had the day to gather myself. As fate would have it though, the afternoon flew by, and before I knew it, Fran was flipping the "open" sign over to "closed."

"You have fun tonight," she said to me with a glint in her eyes as I deposited her at her front door.

"Thanks," I mumbled, trying to ignore the butterflies in my belly that couldn't have been any more active if they were completely jacked up on sugar.

Nathan was leaning against his vehicle waiting for me when I joined him. "How was your day?" he asked when I came to a stop in front of him.

"The usual. How about you?"

"Boring, but I tried to get a little work done when thoughts of you weren't intruding," he said, grinning crookedly at me. "What about you? Did you think about me at all?" he asked, pulling me closer so I stood in between the gap of his legs.

"Not at all," I lied.

"Liar," he said, using his hand to tuck my hair behind my ear. I shivered as his fingers grazed my sensitive earlobe. "I bet you thought about me as much as I thought about you," he whispered as his teeth gently nipped my ear.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, big boy," I gasped as his mouth left a trail of heat down my neck.

"Mmm, I like the way you taste," he murmured, ignoring my taunt. He moved the collar of my shirt aside so he could rest his lips on the small indention between my neck and collarbone. I dropped my head back, giving him free access. I didn't care that we were out in the open for the world to see. At least the setting sun cooperated by cloaking us slightly in the late afternoon shadows.