The moment I answer she starts talking.
“Why would you ignore me? I mean, maybe I shouldn’t ask this sort of question, but I have to know. Did you—did you find out something about me that you can’t deal with? Because if that’s the case, I can totally understand why you’re ignoring me. I’d ignore me if I could.” She laughs, like it’s so hilarious, but it’s not. It’s sad, her making jokes about what happened to her. How she’s afraid I discovered her truth and ignored her because of it.
If she ever discovered mine, she’d freak the hell out.
“Katie.” I say her name quietly, my voice low and measured. She immediately quiets. “What are you talking about?”
She sighs, the sound so wistful it goes straight to my dick. Jesus. I need to get a grip. “I should’ve never called you.”
I clutch the phone tighter, as if I’m holding on to her. “I’m glad you did.”
“Did I do something wrong?” Her voice sounds so small, so far away. “I’m not very good at this sort of thing.”
“What sort of thing?”
“This dating thing. This boy/girl thing. God, I sound like a child.” She sighs again, though this time in irritation. “There’s so much I should tell you.”
“You don’t have to tell me anything you’re not comfortable with,” I say, not ready to play true confessions. If she starts talking, that’ll make me feel like I should start talking, and I can’t tell her who I am.
I just . . . I can’t.
“Then I won’t tell you a thing. My entire life is a blank slate.” She laughs again, the sound raw, like it’s scraping her throat. “I’ve—I’ve been through a lot, Ethan. It’s not pretty.”
I close my eyes and lean back in my chair, making it rock gently. I’d given up on pretending to work a while ago. Now that I have Katie actually on the phone talking to me, I won’t get shit done the rest of the day, I can guarantee it. And hearing her allude to her past just about rips me apart. “We all have.” It sounds lame, but it’s the truth.
“I’ve been through more than the average person. I’m . . . broken. A mess.” Her voice cracks and she clears her throat. “I have serious hang-ups.”
“What sort of hang-ups?”
“I . . .” She blows out a harsh breath and laughs yet again, this time nervously. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but maybe it’s easier because I don’t have to see you, you know?”
“I do know,” I say gently. “I get it, Katie.”
She’s silent for a moment and I forget that no one calls her Katie anymore.
Except me.
“I have issues . . . sexually.” She squeaks out the last word. “And it all stems from a traumatic experience in my past that was really—it was really bad.”
I blow out a harsh breath. This is an impossible conversation. The guilt that threatens to overtake me darkens all my edges, making me feel like a complete shit. “How bad?”
“On a scale of one to ten? Twenty.”
This is the last thing I want to hear. How my father—my fucking father—brutalized her to the point that he completely ruined her life. That she calls herself broken. That she has sexual issues. All because of him.
I hate him. I need to right his wrongs. I need to make this girl feel wanted. Needed. Strong. Beautiful. Sexy.
Because she is. She’s all of those things. She just doesn’t know it.
“Yet here you are, brave enough to call and ask why I was ignoring you,” I point out. “That’s pretty ballsy, Katie.”
More laughter, though it’s genuine this time. “I was feeling brave. I just left my appointment with my therapist and was a little irritable. A lot angry.”
At me, I can only assume. I deserve her anger. She should remain angry with me forever, for how I’m tricking her. But maybe . . . maybe I can help her. “You want to take your anger out on me?”
“I took it out on Dr. Harris instead.” She still sounds the tiniest bit irritated. “I’m glad you didn’t ignore my call, Ethan,” she murmurs, her soft voice curling through my veins, simmering under my skin like warm, fragrant smoke.
The urge to see her pushes me to the point that I can’t even think straight. It’s like she consumes me, and I say the first thing that comes into my head.
“Can I see you tonight?”
She hesitates and for a moment, I think I’ve blown it. If she tells me no, I won’t ask again. I might want to help her find the confidence my father destroyed, but I know I’m walking a fine line here. I say one wrong thing, I give away one clue that reveals who I really am, and I’m done for.
So it’s now or never. She says yes, I’m in. She says no, I walk.
“I’d like that,” she finally says.
I’m in.
“You won’t give me her address.” I glared at the detective, the one who’d taken pity on me and showed me some kindness, unlike the rest of them. They all hated me with the exception of one Detective Ross Green. Somehow, he saw something no one else noticed.