There. No more physical reminder of Will.
It was the emotional reminder, the way he lingered in my mind and came to me in my dreams, that was going to be so much more difficult to shut off.
I lost her. She was so close, too. I know she was into it. Enjoying it. Deriving pleasure from my touch, from my mouth, my words.
“Hey.” I shift up, aligning our bodies, and see the tears flowing down her cheeks. They make my heart stutter almost to a complete stop. I hate seeing her in pain. I always have. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
She cracks open tear-filled eyes, blue and so intense. “I don’t know if I can do this, Ethan.”
“What happened?” I stroke her cheek, gathering up every tear I can with my thumb. “I pushed too hard.”
“N-no.” She shakes her head. “It’s all me. My problems. My issues. I’m a-a m-mess.”
I pull her in close and wrap my arm around her back, letting her press her face against my chest. Her tears wet my skin, her shoulders quietly shake as she cries, and my heart splinters into what feels like a million pieces.
What if I can’t help her? What if she’ll never be one hundred percent comfortable with sex? I don’t want to think that could happen, but it’s a distinct possibility.
“You’re not a mess,” I reassure her, my fingers drifting up and down the silky-smooth expanse of her back. Every naked curve is snug against my side and my cock could pound fucking nails, I swear. But I have to restrain myself. Pretend that I’m not all worked up and dying to push deep inside her. Fuck her until the both of us are sweaty and gasping and moaning and coming.
“I am,” she says against the skin of my neck, making me shiver. “I know—I know you want me. That you want this. But I don’t think I can give it to you.”
I draw a single finger along the length of her spine, stopping perilously close to her perfect butt. “You don’t want this? Me?”
Her entire body goes still as she lifts her head, her gaze snagging with mine. “I-I do.”
“You’re just scared.” I kiss her. Just a soft press of lips, completely innocent. No tongue. Her lips part beneath mine, but I break away from her before we can take it any farther. “I understand.”
“I’m not scared. I’m not really. I just . . . I don’t know.” She trembles as I continue to stroke her back, and I know she’s not as unaffected by my touch as she believes.
“Sshh.” I roll her onto her back and she stares up at me, her eyes wide, her entire body shaking. “Just listen to me, Katie. Close your eyes.”
She takes a deep breath and her eyes fall shut, her entire body tense, as if she’s afraid I’m going to do something awful to her. I reach out and gently touch her face, my fingers skimming her cheeks, her eyebrows, the length of her nose, her plump lips. I touch the line of her jaw, the point of her chin, the skin just beneath, her throat, the side of her neck, her ear. Her other ear. Trace the shell with my fingertip, then pull on her lobe, my hand falling to her shoulder.
“Do you like it when I touch you?” I ask.
She nods, her lips curving into the faintest smile. I wonder if she’s even aware that she’s smiling. “It feels good.”
“Made even better because you know it’s me touching you, right?” When she nods again I drop my head close to her ear and lower my voice. “I feel the same exact way. When your hands are on me, when we kiss . . . it feels fucking incredible. And that’s because it’s you.”
I skim her shoulders, her chest. Drift the back of my fingers across her nipples and make her suck in a harsh breath. She’s on fire for me, whether she can admit to it or not. I know she is. She wants me. I want her. I need to get her over this fear. Again, I feel like it’s my duty to rescue her, to help her overcome this. The man who gave me life ruined this for her.
It’s my job to save her.
“Ethan.” My name is a breathless whisper and unable to stop myself, I dip my head and kiss the very top of her right breast. “Why are you so patient with me?”
“Because you’re worth it,” I say, keeping my mouth on her skin. She shivers beneath my lips and when I envelop a perfect pink nipple with my mouth, the blissful sigh that passes her lips tells me how much she likes it.
I will break her of her fears. I know it.